night clubs and jealousy
I'm working at a night club tonight (Friday) and tomorrow night to make some extra money. It's the bar where my boyfriend is a bouncer, and his boss asked him last week if I'd be willing to fill in for a girl who couldn't make it. So tonight I take money at the door, and tomorrow I work coat check. $120 plus whatever I make in tips, which could be between $40-$60 each night. Not too bad considering my freaking oil bill is way beyond my budget (thanks to my roommate running the heat at 80!).
I just have to look sexy and cute for the horny drunk guys to tip me. I was going to wear leggings and a mini dress tonight but it's raining and gross out, so who knows. Maybe, but I have to walk a little ways from the train station to the club and I don't want to get soaked.
I feel so unmotivated though. Mike is going out to party with his friends tonight and I'm working at his bar! I worry about him going out without me even though he's never given me a reason to be concerned. I have such a hard time NOT thinking he is just going to get drunk and cheat on me. I don't know why my mind seems wired to expect that because, as far as I know, it's only happened to me once, about six years ago.
I think I've been doing better lately controlling my irrational thoughts about our relationship. I haven't freaked out about insignificant things or let my past relationships affect this one in quite some time. We have had nothing but wonderful time together.
Last night before we turned off the lights to go to sleep, we were lying close, looking into one another's eyes. He told me he loved me and said, "You have such nice eyes." It was such a sweet and tender moment.
So tell me, how is it possible that I can experience such wonderful feelings with him yet still allow myself to think the worst?
Well, I'm off to find something slightly revealing to wear tonight. Hopefully I can pull in the big bucks! :)
I just have to look sexy and cute for the horny drunk guys to tip me. I was going to wear leggings and a mini dress tonight but it's raining and gross out, so who knows. Maybe, but I have to walk a little ways from the train station to the club and I don't want to get soaked.
I feel so unmotivated though. Mike is going out to party with his friends tonight and I'm working at his bar! I worry about him going out without me even though he's never given me a reason to be concerned. I have such a hard time NOT thinking he is just going to get drunk and cheat on me. I don't know why my mind seems wired to expect that because, as far as I know, it's only happened to me once, about six years ago.
I think I've been doing better lately controlling my irrational thoughts about our relationship. I haven't freaked out about insignificant things or let my past relationships affect this one in quite some time. We have had nothing but wonderful time together.
Last night before we turned off the lights to go to sleep, we were lying close, looking into one another's eyes. He told me he loved me and said, "You have such nice eyes." It was such a sweet and tender moment.
So tell me, how is it possible that I can experience such wonderful feelings with him yet still allow myself to think the worst?
Well, I'm off to find something slightly revealing to wear tonight. Hopefully I can pull in the big bucks! :)