correction
Decent weekend. Finally regaining some sense of stability and control over my life.
I've been good about making my meals instead of going out. I'm enjoying cooking again. I've always found it soothing.
I'm working very hard on self-acceptance. I'm trying to reassure myself that I am good enough as it is, that I don't need to lose 20 pounds in order to be worthy (not even sure what I'm supposed to be worthy of, exactly, just that I "know" I'm not worthy of whatever it is if I'm not thin). Some of this mental self-correction seems to be having a positive effect. It helps to quell those desperate, panicked feelings.
Mostly, I'm trying to change my priorities.
What I don't want:
- To obsess over food
- To feel that cravings control me
- To feel miserably guilty every time I eat
- To be unable to enjoy a treat because I believe I should be feeling bad about it
- To be uncomfortable in my own skin
- To think of normal, perfectly reasonable foods as "bad"
- To hate my body
- To be a size 0 again if it means that I must do all of the above
What I do want:
- To be healthy
- To love who I am
- To appreciate my body
- To feel comfortable and at-home in my body
- To be strong and toned and capable of a lot of physical exertion
- To feel good in my clothes
- To love exercising
- To gain a sense of inner calm and tranquility
I've been good about making my meals instead of going out. I'm enjoying cooking again. I've always found it soothing.
I'm working very hard on self-acceptance. I'm trying to reassure myself that I am good enough as it is, that I don't need to lose 20 pounds in order to be worthy (not even sure what I'm supposed to be worthy of, exactly, just that I "know" I'm not worthy of whatever it is if I'm not thin). Some of this mental self-correction seems to be having a positive effect. It helps to quell those desperate, panicked feelings.
Mostly, I'm trying to change my priorities.
What I don't want:
- To obsess over food
- To feel that cravings control me
- To feel miserably guilty every time I eat
- To be unable to enjoy a treat because I believe I should be feeling bad about it
- To be uncomfortable in my own skin
- To think of normal, perfectly reasonable foods as "bad"
- To hate my body
- To be a size 0 again if it means that I must do all of the above
What I do want:
- To be healthy
- To love who I am
- To appreciate my body
- To feel comfortable and at-home in my body
- To be strong and toned and capable of a lot of physical exertion
- To feel good in my clothes
- To love exercising
- To gain a sense of inner calm and tranquility