Here's ta you!
Ahhh. Today has been a mentally arduous day. I sometimes find myself lacking an appropriate means of expressing my feelings for you, but you know that already. I really care so much about you, but there are only so many times a person can hear that before it starts sounding empty. I realize that, but words are really the only means I have to express that. I feel bad for what happened to you today. I had gotten used to it by now, really. At least, I had gotten used to most aspects of it. I was really genuinely happy over the joy it was bringing you, even though the distress it brought you also distressed me commonly in turn. For you, I really didn't want it to end so quickly. I am not worried about you now, though, because you seemed stronger today than you have all month. I just hope that wasn't all a front for my sake though. I just can't help but feel that I can't be there for you enough, being separated by 500 miles. I care about you far more than I could ever hope to express over such a long distance. It almost makes me feel as if I am letting you down as a friend, that I am not being all that I should be. You are absolutely my best friend, and you have really had such a positive impact on me over the time that we've known one another, and I have virtually no way of exhibiting my appreciation of that. I know how much you believe about my feelings for you, so I sometimes wonder if you think that when I say things about how much I care for you that I am only giving you lip service. We talked about validation earlier. Not in the same context, but it applies here. You said you really needed validation, even if it was in minor ways. I suppose I need validation in things too, and it is definitely much harder to communicate it over long distances. I often also fear the intent behind my limited expression might sometimes be misinterpreted, as well. At least it occurs to me that it could be misinterpreted, probably due to my sometime cynical outlook. It is hard to communicate the intent of an action to someone in person, much less over 500 miles.
Really though, I think that one of the greatest ways I can express how much I care for you through words is this: When I feel bad or depressed, or negative, or cynical, I can always look at our friendship. The strength, closeness, selflessness, and intimacy of our friendship always makes me look at the world in a favorable light. You really do make me realize how much life is worth living. I can't imagine how I would be now without having met you. I feel truly blessed for knowing you.
This Entry is Dedicated to:
My Truest Friend and Lifelong Companion - Rachel
Really though, I think that one of the greatest ways I can express how much I care for you through words is this: When I feel bad or depressed, or negative, or cynical, I can always look at our friendship. The strength, closeness, selflessness, and intimacy of our friendship always makes me look at the world in a favorable light. You really do make me realize how much life is worth living. I can't imagine how I would be now without having met you. I feel truly blessed for knowing you.
This Entry is Dedicated to:
My Truest Friend and Lifelong Companion - Rachel