RANT: "Parents Just Don't Understand"

[thewhitedragon]

"You just don't like kids!"

I've heard that many times and in many situations. Many of my friends even believe this but in reality, it's not that I don't like kids because I actually do. No, I don't want any of my own because... to be completely honest... I'm extremely greedy with what I have. I don't want to devote my life, my sanity, my toys, or

Comments

[pyratelady]

To the parents who at make a considerable effort to discipline your child when they're being "naughty"? Thank you. I sincerely mean that. Could you maybe give the others some pointers?

They won't listen, and they'll get really offended if someone offers.

(Sorry, but this got a bit long.)

I still remember my brother snapping at me, "I got this." in a restaurant where his 2 little monsters were doing things like standing on the seats and yelling. It was a family restaurant, but still... family restaurant does not mean playground. If I hadn't been so shocked I would have shot back, "It sure doesn't look that way." His children were AWFUL in restaurants, and he was the worst at "disciplining" them, while their mother completely ignored whatever was going on. I wasn't even a parent and I knew that they were "doing it wrong." So I stopped going to restaurants with them.

Interestingly, my brother's "unique" parenting style has not worked against my niece, who is a sweetheart. But her older brother? He was a bit of a brat, and now he's turning into a real jerk and a bully, I'm sad to say. He is downright disrespectful of my brother sometimes, and my brother's "I don't care" response doesn't help at all. The kid is clearly acting out for attention, because he pulls back anytime somebody calls him on it. And he's a big kid, and he plays sports... really aggressively. *sigh* I think he thinks he's a real badass.

A surprising number of people were actually shocked when I decided to have a child. They thought I didn't like children. Well... I don't much like it when a child rushes the stage and I simply won't allow it, even if their idiot parents will. I know better than to butt in when kids are being bratty... until said brats start messing with my job. Then it's "If you don't parent your kids, I will... and you probably won't like it." If that means I don't like kids then I live in a very interesting world indeed.

And my daughter? At 2 and a half she behaves herself better in restaurants than my niece and nephew ever did. But if she didn't, out the door we would go without any hesitation.

[blueeowyn]

Let me guess, you get the "well you can't possibly understand ..."

[pyratelady]

I don't get that, because I know better than to offer... my confrontation with my own brother was enough, I don't have the guts to confront a total stranger.

Every time I've told a kid to get off a stage, the parent has either seemed completely oblivious (like they seriously don't get what the big deal is) or blown off the whole thing (embarrassed, maybe). I don't think I've ever gotten an apology.

Interestingly, whenever a kid has groped my instrument -- it happens a lot, it's like they can't help themselves -- the parents have always either told the child themselves or agreed with me when I said something. But with the instrument groping... kids are QUICK when it comes to touching things. Maybe the parents are more understanding or responsive because I'm right there and it's not happening in front of a large audience?

[pyratelady]

What I mean by "not having the guts to confront a total stranger" is, I don't give anybody pointers about parenting unless I am asked specifically for advice.

For one thing, I think it's incredibly presumptuous to think that somebody wants my advice. For another, it's a big pet peeve of mine when people offer me unsolicited advice.

But obviously if some kid decides to jump onstage where our instruments are, I'm going to shoo him or her off.

[thewhitedragon]

Asking a parent to remove their screaming child from a supermarket or movie theatre isn't "giving pointers" -- although the parent you're saying that to might disagree with me.

[blueeowyn]

I ended up making a deal with my SIL. I won't say anything to influence her children's behavior except in very specific circumstance (e.g. I was not chastised for screetching DON'T when her then 6 year old was getting ready to tackle my bad knee ... though to be honest, I was surprised she didn't yell at me for that). In exchange she is supposed to keep her children from hurting me. I suspect that her DH wasn't told of this because when I point out to him that one of them is doing something that maybe should be curbed (like open the spout on the box of wine at my MIL's house) he just looks at me like "and why are you telling me this".

Most of my family thinks that I don't like children because of the fact that I basically ignore that SIL's kids (since if I'm not allowed to tell them "no" I have no intention of telling them "good").

[thewhitedragon]

See, if that were me... I *would* have told him "could have fooled me" regardless of the reaction to the comment. But then, I'm not well-known for biting back my opinions. ;)