everything is beautiful and nothing hurts. yeah right...
Been busy. Been studying. been getting drunk. last week of school. I am scared. A fear of the future soaked me to the bones while I showered the other day. I must be stupid because I keep ditching school to stay home and play guitar. I cannot fail any more classes if I want to transfer in 2007. I feel so old and pathetic. However, I still feel young enough not to fear loneliness. I just want to hang a camera around my neck and leave. Play my guitar for close friends. Travel. However, I fucked up thrice today. In the bathroom with diarrhea from last night's lasagna (I am lactose intolerant) while the street sweep clean me out of $30. This must be my 20th street sweeping ticket. I just shrugged it off. I am comfortable with that sort disappointment. Today is finals yet I ditched my first class. What the fuck is wrong with me. I did not study and I figured I would fail or maybe a D at best. I will try to try next time. I am getting too drunk to remember what my last folly was. Oh yeah, I was feeling extremely fissured for a moment there. You know the kind that buckle and shiver your knees. Well I missed the deadline for americorp. That is $2,000 scholarship gone to better use probably. I suck. I need a new start and a kick in the ass. Things were going so well in the beginning. I must sound so pessimistic. I am going to work on that.