[FANFIC] The Confessions of Amelia Pond
Title: The Confessions of Amelia Pond
Character(s) or Pairing(s): Amy, Eleven
Rating: PG-13
Warnings: None
Summary: So this started out as 'Five Ways Amy Pond Failed To Seduce the Doctor' only it wasn't working at all and then I re-wrote it in the style of Angus, Thongs and Full-frontal Snogging and it kinda did. Feel free to imagine this covered in hearts, misspellings and frankly worrying doodles of Eleven.
Suggested listening.
Dear Diary
Well, here I am finally travelling time and space with the Raggedy Doctor of my dreams! We've already had two adventures so far (I met a space whale! The Queen! Winston Churchill! And taught a robot how to love! It was ace!) but now, dear diary, things have calmed down and I've had time to write and I have a confession to make.
Diary, it's not going well.
Not that I'm not enjoying myself. I am. Did I mention Winston Churchill? But I came aboard the TARDIS with what you might call a very specific mission in mind. You know me and Rory were getting married the last time I wrote, well, HE turned up about an hour later. I know, spazzorama. Impeccable timing as per always, at least it was only a year and not for EVER like last time. So anyway as I lay there and looked at this big blue box I thought, yes, Pond, this is a sign! A sign from the gods! Or space gods! Or whatever! Go with your Raggedy Doctor and explore the stars and most importantly GET LAID. Hopefully as as soon as possible. So I went with him. But the adventures and things, well, it's all fine and good and we learned some stuff about nemeses and humanity and responsibility and all of that malarkey, but there has been a deep and fundamental lack of shagging.
Understand that this is not down to a lack of effort on my part. I am, after all, a fully trained kissogram. Granted, it's a bit hard to work without all the props and stuff but I'm doing my best. He's got this giant wardrobe, see, and it's full of all kinds of clothes not just for him but for other companions (oh yeah, the Doctor explained about other companions so I wouldn't get all snippy and they were-get this- mostly girls so I know that he must have some kind of libido buried somewhere) so I'm trying to wear stuff that, you know, would get his engines going. Only he doesn't seem to have a bloody engine! Yesterday I leaned right over him when we were flying the TARDIS (it's got this big, really inconvenient console that keeps needing to be fixed- I know, men and their machines, whatever) and nothing. No excitement or anything. Just, 'Amy, you're standing on my foot'. He's like one of those pandas that won't have sex.
And that's not all. I tried the romantic meal thing (you remember I made Rory spag bol and he was sick) only the only meal that I know he likes is fish fingers and custard. But, I thought, you know, he is an alien, maybe it'll work. So I made the meal- and the TARDIS kitchen is really weird, by the way- and lit some candles and called him in and you know what the Doctor did? He just said 'thanks' and took it into the library to eat! Apparently he needed to read up on those weird pepperpot robots we encountered last time because he thought he'd missed something. I suppose at least he didn't gob it halfway across the room like last time. Small mercies and stuff.
I even tried to find his bedroom, you know, to try and see what he's like in private. The TARDIS got me lost, though (bitch), and the Doctor had to come and get me. That was a bit embarrassing. I told him I was looking for the loo and now he makes me tell him when I leave.
It's weird. He pours all this energy into the adventures we have and saving the people we meet, but he hardly ever thinks about himself, or what he wants. He never lets go. It's like if he does, he won't the the Doctor any more.
Oh well, I'm going to keep trying: he's my Doctor, and I've waited too long to let the opportunity pass. Maybe the direct approach will work. Come on, Pond! You're a kissogram! Get to kissing!
Amy
Character(s) or Pairing(s): Amy, Eleven
Rating: PG-13
Warnings: None
Summary: So this started out as 'Five Ways Amy Pond Failed To Seduce the Doctor' only it wasn't working at all and then I re-wrote it in the style of Angus, Thongs and Full-frontal Snogging and it kinda did. Feel free to imagine this covered in hearts, misspellings and frankly worrying doodles of Eleven.
Suggested listening.
Dear Diary
Well, here I am finally travelling time and space with the Raggedy Doctor of my dreams! We've already had two adventures so far (I met a space whale! The Queen! Winston Churchill! And taught a robot how to love! It was ace!) but now, dear diary, things have calmed down and I've had time to write and I have a confession to make.
Diary, it's not going well.
Not that I'm not enjoying myself. I am. Did I mention Winston Churchill? But I came aboard the TARDIS with what you might call a very specific mission in mind. You know me and Rory were getting married the last time I wrote, well, HE turned up about an hour later. I know, spazzorama. Impeccable timing as per always, at least it was only a year and not for EVER like last time. So anyway as I lay there and looked at this big blue box I thought, yes, Pond, this is a sign! A sign from the gods! Or space gods! Or whatever! Go with your Raggedy Doctor and explore the stars and most importantly GET LAID. Hopefully as as soon as possible. So I went with him. But the adventures and things, well, it's all fine and good and we learned some stuff about nemeses and humanity and responsibility and all of that malarkey, but there has been a deep and fundamental lack of shagging.
Understand that this is not down to a lack of effort on my part. I am, after all, a fully trained kissogram. Granted, it's a bit hard to work without all the props and stuff but I'm doing my best. He's got this giant wardrobe, see, and it's full of all kinds of clothes not just for him but for other companions (oh yeah, the Doctor explained about other companions so I wouldn't get all snippy and they were-get this- mostly girls so I know that he must have some kind of libido buried somewhere) so I'm trying to wear stuff that, you know, would get his engines going. Only he doesn't seem to have a bloody engine! Yesterday I leaned right over him when we were flying the TARDIS (it's got this big, really inconvenient console that keeps needing to be fixed- I know, men and their machines, whatever) and nothing. No excitement or anything. Just, 'Amy, you're standing on my foot'. He's like one of those pandas that won't have sex.
And that's not all. I tried the romantic meal thing (you remember I made Rory spag bol and he was sick) only the only meal that I know he likes is fish fingers and custard. But, I thought, you know, he is an alien, maybe it'll work. So I made the meal- and the TARDIS kitchen is really weird, by the way- and lit some candles and called him in and you know what the Doctor did? He just said 'thanks' and took it into the library to eat! Apparently he needed to read up on those weird pepperpot robots we encountered last time because he thought he'd missed something. I suppose at least he didn't gob it halfway across the room like last time. Small mercies and stuff.
I even tried to find his bedroom, you know, to try and see what he's like in private. The TARDIS got me lost, though (bitch), and the Doctor had to come and get me. That was a bit embarrassing. I told him I was looking for the loo and now he makes me tell him when I leave.
It's weird. He pours all this energy into the adventures we have and saving the people we meet, but he hardly ever thinks about himself, or what he wants. He never lets go. It's like if he does, he won't the the Doctor any more.
Oh well, I'm going to keep trying: he's my Doctor, and I've waited too long to let the opportunity pass. Maybe the direct approach will work. Come on, Pond! You're a kissogram! Get to kissing!
Amy