When I Grow Up I Want To Be An Old Woman
So what I was trying to do last week was post about medical stuff and I got distracted about teeth and hair. It's on my mind because I went so long without insurance and amazingly made it through okay.
o I got my teeth fixed, which I told you all about. I had a doctor look at my bunion. Her response was to say "that's nothing, wanna trade?" and slipped off her shoe to show me a bunion that would definitely kick my bunion's ass. The point she was trying to make was if it's something I could live with, better to leave it alone than put my body through the stress of having surgery.
I had a sleep study done because my snoring is legendary. The sleep study was not fun at all. There's just something very weird about being monitored and video taped when you are your most vulnerable. So the verdict is that I do have sleep apnea and need CPAP. The problem is I hate the damn thing and I never wear it. It's supposed to help me sleep better, but it's so uncomfortable I wind up getting no sleep at all. The problem could be the style of mask I'm using. My insurance will pay for a new mask every six months. I just need to wait......oh wait a minute, six months are up. All I have to do is go back to the sleep center and they'll give me a new one to try.
For the past two weeks I have been plagued by the most profound fatigue of my life. Some of it was the nightmares and lack of sleep, but since I posted about it I'm feeling better and sleeping better, so thanks to all for your comforting words. Yet for all my sleep I feel like crap. I had been exercising lately but this week I simply couldn't bring myself to do it. It was all I could do to crawl out of bed and into my clothes for work. I think I know what the problem is.
I was so excited last year when I missed my period. I thought menopause was here. I was wrong......BOY was I wrong. My periods get worse all the time. I'll spare the vivid details but just explain enough to say that when I bleed I have to change a super-plus tampon AND an overnight pad every hour or so for about two days.
I got a Pap smear for the first time in two years a couple of months ago. When the doctor pressed on my abdomen I said "ow". She said "hmm, you have something in there." I said "no I don't, you're pressing too hard". She pressed an another part of my tummy then moved back to the spot and sure enough, OWIE! So she sent me for an ultrasound and referred me to an OB/GYN. During the two weeks of waiting for all this to pass, I had myself convinced that I had ovarian cancer. I did my best to stay calm and told those close to me "yeah, I have a lump or something, but it's nothing" and secretely I was terrified.
The verdict - a very tiny, insignificant uterine fibroid probably smaller than a pencil eraser. Amazing how something so small is causing me so much trouble. The really awesome result of all this is that because my periods are so bad and leaving me a tiny bit anemic, the doctor has put me on birth control pills so my periods won't be so bad. Periods my eye! I'm taking those suckers from now on so I NEVER have another period again EVER! Do you hear me? NEVER!!!
In the meantime I've been taking multivitamins to pump up my iron stores. And wow, birth control pills have changed a lot since I last took them some 20 years ago or so. They're minty. And chewable. And fortified with iron.
I love science.
I so want so want to get back to working out again. I rode my bike a couple of weeks ago and I loved it. Really, really, really loved it. I always love bicycling. It's my most favorite exercise. There are at least two, maybe three, bicycling groups where I live, and now that I have weekends off I would love to go on an organized ride with them. It's just that every time I ride I have to spend weeks recovering from the fatigue. I'm hoping that this is the answer and I can get back to it. The organized ride is 20 miles. I rode my bike 4 miles twice two weeks ago and it just about killed me. I want to build up to being able to bicycle 20 miles. It's such a tiny goal and I've spent years trying to get there. Maybe the anemia was keeping me from making any progress. I'm hopeful that that's what the problem was and I can move forward.
Another huge obstacle out of the way is smoking. I haven't smoked since finding out about my brother a month ago. The Chantix worked great for me because it got me to break out of the smoking rituals I had formed. Since I wasn't getting any reward from it I stopped doing it, which gave me enough time to get out of the ritual and get the nicotine out of my system. I have stopped taking the Chantix two weeks and so far I'm doing fine. Since there wasn't any nicotine in my system anymore I didn't have cravings. I'd gotten out of the habit of smoking as soon as I hit the door, so that ritual was gone too.
So anyway, now that I don't smoke I can work on building up my lung capacity again. And since I've lost 18 pounds I can work out so much more easily too. I have so many things that work in favor of me being able to go bicycling, I hope that the anemia thing was the final solution. I'm troubled with knowing that no matter how hard I work on it, there's only so far I can go because I'm older now. I'll never be where I was physically no matter what.
Okay so the Pap was normal, mammogram was normal, lab work all normal, sleep apnea addressed, teeth cleaned and I feel like I'm in a very good physical space. I feel so blessed to be in such great health at my age and no thanks to my personal habits. I don't need any medication at all, no sign of impending diabetes, blood pressure and cholesterol are all good. I can't afford to tempt fate anymore. I really need to pay attention to my health and keep myself healthy and fit. I don't have time for any more second chances. I have to be vigilant.
I still have a little tinge of depression. My brother's death affected me deeply. My thoughts are on having to go through this again and again as I reach the stage in my life where I lose more and more loved ones. I haven't talked about it much, but I've lost a few friends from back in the day and every time it happens it makes me feel sadder about being left behind. I'm trying to shake the thought, and I truly believe that I will eventually, but for now it's a sad place to be in.
o I got my teeth fixed, which I told you all about. I had a doctor look at my bunion. Her response was to say "that's nothing, wanna trade?" and slipped off her shoe to show me a bunion that would definitely kick my bunion's ass. The point she was trying to make was if it's something I could live with, better to leave it alone than put my body through the stress of having surgery.
I had a sleep study done because my snoring is legendary. The sleep study was not fun at all. There's just something very weird about being monitored and video taped when you are your most vulnerable. So the verdict is that I do have sleep apnea and need CPAP. The problem is I hate the damn thing and I never wear it. It's supposed to help me sleep better, but it's so uncomfortable I wind up getting no sleep at all. The problem could be the style of mask I'm using. My insurance will pay for a new mask every six months. I just need to wait......oh wait a minute, six months are up. All I have to do is go back to the sleep center and they'll give me a new one to try.
For the past two weeks I have been plagued by the most profound fatigue of my life. Some of it was the nightmares and lack of sleep, but since I posted about it I'm feeling better and sleeping better, so thanks to all for your comforting words. Yet for all my sleep I feel like crap. I had been exercising lately but this week I simply couldn't bring myself to do it. It was all I could do to crawl out of bed and into my clothes for work. I think I know what the problem is.
I was so excited last year when I missed my period. I thought menopause was here. I was wrong......BOY was I wrong. My periods get worse all the time. I'll spare the vivid details but just explain enough to say that when I bleed I have to change a super-plus tampon AND an overnight pad every hour or so for about two days.
I got a Pap smear for the first time in two years a couple of months ago. When the doctor pressed on my abdomen I said "ow". She said "hmm, you have something in there." I said "no I don't, you're pressing too hard". She pressed an another part of my tummy then moved back to the spot and sure enough, OWIE! So she sent me for an ultrasound and referred me to an OB/GYN. During the two weeks of waiting for all this to pass, I had myself convinced that I had ovarian cancer. I did my best to stay calm and told those close to me "yeah, I have a lump or something, but it's nothing" and secretely I was terrified.
The verdict - a very tiny, insignificant uterine fibroid probably smaller than a pencil eraser. Amazing how something so small is causing me so much trouble. The really awesome result of all this is that because my periods are so bad and leaving me a tiny bit anemic, the doctor has put me on birth control pills so my periods won't be so bad. Periods my eye! I'm taking those suckers from now on so I NEVER have another period again EVER! Do you hear me? NEVER!!!
In the meantime I've been taking multivitamins to pump up my iron stores. And wow, birth control pills have changed a lot since I last took them some 20 years ago or so. They're minty. And chewable. And fortified with iron.
I love science.
I so want so want to get back to working out again. I rode my bike a couple of weeks ago and I loved it. Really, really, really loved it. I always love bicycling. It's my most favorite exercise. There are at least two, maybe three, bicycling groups where I live, and now that I have weekends off I would love to go on an organized ride with them. It's just that every time I ride I have to spend weeks recovering from the fatigue. I'm hoping that this is the answer and I can get back to it. The organized ride is 20 miles. I rode my bike 4 miles twice two weeks ago and it just about killed me. I want to build up to being able to bicycle 20 miles. It's such a tiny goal and I've spent years trying to get there. Maybe the anemia was keeping me from making any progress. I'm hopeful that that's what the problem was and I can move forward.
Another huge obstacle out of the way is smoking. I haven't smoked since finding out about my brother a month ago. The Chantix worked great for me because it got me to break out of the smoking rituals I had formed. Since I wasn't getting any reward from it I stopped doing it, which gave me enough time to get out of the ritual and get the nicotine out of my system. I have stopped taking the Chantix two weeks and so far I'm doing fine. Since there wasn't any nicotine in my system anymore I didn't have cravings. I'd gotten out of the habit of smoking as soon as I hit the door, so that ritual was gone too.
So anyway, now that I don't smoke I can work on building up my lung capacity again. And since I've lost 18 pounds I can work out so much more easily too. I have so many things that work in favor of me being able to go bicycling, I hope that the anemia thing was the final solution. I'm troubled with knowing that no matter how hard I work on it, there's only so far I can go because I'm older now. I'll never be where I was physically no matter what.
Okay so the Pap was normal, mammogram was normal, lab work all normal, sleep apnea addressed, teeth cleaned and I feel like I'm in a very good physical space. I feel so blessed to be in such great health at my age and no thanks to my personal habits. I don't need any medication at all, no sign of impending diabetes, blood pressure and cholesterol are all good. I can't afford to tempt fate anymore. I really need to pay attention to my health and keep myself healthy and fit. I don't have time for any more second chances. I have to be vigilant.
I still have a little tinge of depression. My brother's death affected me deeply. My thoughts are on having to go through this again and again as I reach the stage in my life where I lose more and more loved ones. I haven't talked about it much, but I've lost a few friends from back in the day and every time it happens it makes me feel sadder about being left behind. I'm trying to shake the thought, and I truly believe that I will eventually, but for now it's a sad place to be in.