I Think I'll Pass.....For Now
I decided to take a pass on taking classes this semester.
I debated. I went back and forth. I weighed the pros and cons. In the end I decided that I need more time to just live day to day without a particular goal in mind. Oh the goals are still there. I just sort of paused on a step toward reaching them.
My work schedule is driving me crazy. Actually my job in general is driving me crazy. I really hate being a nurse and knowing that is making it harder for me to continue doing it. But I know I have to keep it up until I get to the next phase, especially since I decided to put my education on hold for a minute. Somehow knowing that didn't make it better. Then J sat down and helped me trouble shoot what's bugging me. Turns out I love everything about my job except the patients. That's it. Everything else is a joy. Now I just have to figure out how best to deal with patients.
Lately it seems like the patients I've been getting are meaner and more abusive than ever. What's worse is that I haven't been able to hold back and I've been telling them off more and more often. Our company realizes that our patients are the craziest of crazy, and they back us up if there is ever a conflict between patients and nurses. However, I don't want this to turn into a situation that enables me to be a jerk because no one will hold me accountable. I hate feeling so out of control and letting what people say get under my skin so much.
Today it came to a head when one of our patients was giving the staff a hard time. Nowadays hospitals are all about customer service and Press Ganey scores, and so now nurses have to kiss everyone's ass or risk losing their jobs. They can't take control of bad situations, set boundaries and keep patients and families from walking all over them. Luckily I don't have to. So when I arrived on the unit and heard about his hijinks, I marched into his room and confronted him about it. I was nice. I didn't raise my voice.....much, but I was firm. The guy is a bully, and because no one can open their mouths and put him in his place, over time he has become an even bigger bully. Now that he encountered someone that wouldn't be cowed, he was at a complete loss as to what to do he burst into tears.
I felt terrible that he cried, and yet I realized that his tears were also his attempt to manipulate me. I sat down and let him cry it out and talk to me for a while. He apologized. I apologized. I said "look you and I are probably going to be seeing a lot of each other over time. I hope somehow you can find a way of coping with this situation. We're going to be spending a lot of time together and we have to get along.".
Today I feel a lot better because I finally summoned inner strength. I backed someone down without losing control. I sort of taught myself how this works and hopefully I can use it every time I run into a jerk like this. So maybe I won't have so much job hate.....at least until something else starts to get on my nerves.
Lately my work schedule has been more the way I like it. I get up at a decent hour, have time to exercise and do my morning routine before heading out. Getting up early, early and being ready by 8 a.m. was getting to be too much. If I didn't get an assignment until 6 in the evening, getting up at 6 meant I had already been up 12 hours and I was exhausted by then. I went back to getting up later and I feel so much better. I feel more grounded; like I'm getting back on track with diet, exercise and staying on top of household chores.
I have been cooking and eating vegan more and more often. There is a huge adaptation curve involved. I have to almost completely relearn how to cook, but it has been fun though exhausting. The nice thing is I really do feel better when I eat vegan. I've been allowing myself to transition into it slowly. I added one complete vegan day a week, then two and that's pretty much where I am now. I hope to maybe make it up to five. I then worked backwards from eating meat by eating meat just three times a week, then two and now one. It varies but, again, I'm going easy on myself and giving myself a chance to deal with the transition. I don't know that I could ever be completley vegan, but I want to take as far as I can until I find a comfortable place for it.
Dinners are fairly easy. Lunch was a challenge. I was having a hard time finding things that would provide me with enough protein nutrition. Then I found this amazing website that is all about vegan lunches. The recipes are mostly for kids but it has great suggestions on things to pack for lunch, and they make perfect lunchbox-sized portions. I borrowed the book from the library, tried a few recipes, typed a few that I want to try later, and I have a couple months' worth of new food to try.
One of the great finds for me was finding that one my favorite foods is vegan and very nutritious - succotash! Now I'm the queen of succotash. It's so filling, so warm and satisfying on these cold days we've been having, and it looks pretty too. Then I found this adorable lunchbox system that fits perfectly in this cute lunch bag I found when I was going through lunch bag delirium. I works better than having half a dozen plastic containers rolling around in there. Plus the little ice pack that comes with it does an amazing job of keeping my food cold, which I need since I don't have access to a refrigerator.
Ooooh, there's more stuff but I am weary after working almost 30 hours the past two days, and I feel myself getting way more detailed than I meant so. So let me wander off to the couch for some much-deserved bonding with the DVR and my lover.
I debated. I went back and forth. I weighed the pros and cons. In the end I decided that I need more time to just live day to day without a particular goal in mind. Oh the goals are still there. I just sort of paused on a step toward reaching them.
My work schedule is driving me crazy. Actually my job in general is driving me crazy. I really hate being a nurse and knowing that is making it harder for me to continue doing it. But I know I have to keep it up until I get to the next phase, especially since I decided to put my education on hold for a minute. Somehow knowing that didn't make it better. Then J sat down and helped me trouble shoot what's bugging me. Turns out I love everything about my job except the patients. That's it. Everything else is a joy. Now I just have to figure out how best to deal with patients.
Lately it seems like the patients I've been getting are meaner and more abusive than ever. What's worse is that I haven't been able to hold back and I've been telling them off more and more often. Our company realizes that our patients are the craziest of crazy, and they back us up if there is ever a conflict between patients and nurses. However, I don't want this to turn into a situation that enables me to be a jerk because no one will hold me accountable. I hate feeling so out of control and letting what people say get under my skin so much.
Today it came to a head when one of our patients was giving the staff a hard time. Nowadays hospitals are all about customer service and Press Ganey scores, and so now nurses have to kiss everyone's ass or risk losing their jobs. They can't take control of bad situations, set boundaries and keep patients and families from walking all over them. Luckily I don't have to. So when I arrived on the unit and heard about his hijinks, I marched into his room and confronted him about it. I was nice. I didn't raise my voice.....much, but I was firm. The guy is a bully, and because no one can open their mouths and put him in his place, over time he has become an even bigger bully. Now that he encountered someone that wouldn't be cowed, he was at a complete loss as to what to do he burst into tears.
I felt terrible that he cried, and yet I realized that his tears were also his attempt to manipulate me. I sat down and let him cry it out and talk to me for a while. He apologized. I apologized. I said "look you and I are probably going to be seeing a lot of each other over time. I hope somehow you can find a way of coping with this situation. We're going to be spending a lot of time together and we have to get along.".
Today I feel a lot better because I finally summoned inner strength. I backed someone down without losing control. I sort of taught myself how this works and hopefully I can use it every time I run into a jerk like this. So maybe I won't have so much job hate.....at least until something else starts to get on my nerves.
Lately my work schedule has been more the way I like it. I get up at a decent hour, have time to exercise and do my morning routine before heading out. Getting up early, early and being ready by 8 a.m. was getting to be too much. If I didn't get an assignment until 6 in the evening, getting up at 6 meant I had already been up 12 hours and I was exhausted by then. I went back to getting up later and I feel so much better. I feel more grounded; like I'm getting back on track with diet, exercise and staying on top of household chores.
I have been cooking and eating vegan more and more often. There is a huge adaptation curve involved. I have to almost completely relearn how to cook, but it has been fun though exhausting. The nice thing is I really do feel better when I eat vegan. I've been allowing myself to transition into it slowly. I added one complete vegan day a week, then two and that's pretty much where I am now. I hope to maybe make it up to five. I then worked backwards from eating meat by eating meat just three times a week, then two and now one. It varies but, again, I'm going easy on myself and giving myself a chance to deal with the transition. I don't know that I could ever be completley vegan, but I want to take as far as I can until I find a comfortable place for it.
Dinners are fairly easy. Lunch was a challenge. I was having a hard time finding things that would provide me with enough protein nutrition. Then I found this amazing website that is all about vegan lunches. The recipes are mostly for kids but it has great suggestions on things to pack for lunch, and they make perfect lunchbox-sized portions. I borrowed the book from the library, tried a few recipes, typed a few that I want to try later, and I have a couple months' worth of new food to try.
One of the great finds for me was finding that one my favorite foods is vegan and very nutritious - succotash! Now I'm the queen of succotash. It's so filling, so warm and satisfying on these cold days we've been having, and it looks pretty too. Then I found this adorable lunchbox system that fits perfectly in this cute lunch bag I found when I was going through lunch bag delirium. I works better than having half a dozen plastic containers rolling around in there. Plus the little ice pack that comes with it does an amazing job of keeping my food cold, which I need since I don't have access to a refrigerator.
Ooooh, there's more stuff but I am weary after working almost 30 hours the past two days, and I feel myself getting way more detailed than I meant so. So let me wander off to the couch for some much-deserved bonding with the DVR and my lover.