(no subject)

[thewatchyouwear]

i deleted this thing yesterday. i'm not sure why right now... i guess i just wanted to change something, no matter how small b/c i know that i have a lot of big changes to make. i'm not sure what's happened to me and even with all the shit that happened, the thing that scares me most is that i don't know how i got there. it seems like overnight i became a different person. and, honestly, i liked that person. that person was carefree, that person had fun, i didn't worry about anything or anyone and it felt fucking good. as much as i wish this would all go away, i can't help but wish it would change everything. not just me b/c that's kind of inevitable but... i guess i just expected certain people to give a little more of a shit. i don't want time to stop for me but... maybe slow down a bit? i dunno. i guess i just have to realize that although this has completely changed me and my family and my relationships... i didn't change anyone else. i can't expect it to. it's just a weird feeling to watch your world spin off its axis and everyone else's keep rotating seemlessly. i don't know what i'm gonna do about school. i don't know what i'm gonna do about a lot of things. i guess i have to prepare myself, if i do go back, for being that girl. that girl that od'd in the bathroom.

seriously, how did i get here?

on the bright side: in my highness i confessed everything to my parents so i'm happy everything's out in the open. my mom's putting me on birth control and i think they understand me a bit better. i dunno.

you are so fragile and thin
standing trial for you sins
holding onto yourself the best you can
you are the smell before rain
you are the blood in my veins.

call me a safe bet...
i'm betting i'm not.