Fireworks.
Mid-Summer Mixtape
1. The Star Spangled Banner by Marvin Gaye
From the 1983 NBA All-Star Game. Larry had 14 points. If you don’t know who Larry is, I’ll be out back dropping science and dropping Bs on you. “Bs” are punches in rap talk.
2. Across 110th Street by Bobby Womack
Tarantino ripped off the theme song from another movie, Across 110th St, for his movie, Jackie Brown. Stealing rules.
3. Cherries in the Snow by Elk City
These kids don’t have a lot to yap about. I think their jam session went something like, “Cherries in the snow sounds cool.” “LET’S DO IT.”
4. Are You Ready For the Sex Girls by Gleaming Spires
I thought this song was make believe. Like, just a snippet of nonsense for the movie it was in. No. Real. Live and learn.
5. Rehab by Amy Winehouse featuring Jay-Z
What? A top of the pops bullshit song in this mixtape? Have I gone twinkle-toes on you? Short answer: No. Longer answer: Jay-Z saying ,“six pair of kicks is my definition of twelve steps.” Mine too, sir. Mine too.
6. What New York Couples Fight About by Morcheeba
This song gets better if you imagine a Miami Vice montage set to it. A real cool one where a lot of Latin guys in Hawaiian shirts get blasted by Crockett and Tubbs, then Don Johnson says something cool like, “Nothing ever changes in this game, just the names and the faces.” Then smokes a Lucky Strike.
7. She Believes In Me by Me First And The Gimme Gimmes
Kenny Rogers cover. These punk rock nerds do fine work.
8. Ladykillers by Lush
The back-story behind these girls is a little too sad to get into. Just bop your head and try not to fret.
9. Cellars By Starlight by Kay Hanley
I love her and if you don’t get choked up when she sings, “I’m just a townie, he’ll never talk to me,” you have nothing inside worth a damn and you’re no friend of mine.
10. Little Fool by The XYZ Affair
A song about how girls should be pretty and wait around for boys. Seems reasonable.
11. Gin And Platonic by The Smittens
Okay. The Smittens. The best way to describe these kids is, if The Muppets were gay and forced to live in Vermont and Vermont fucking hated gay Muppets, the ensuing album they recorded would sound like this.
12. Lunchbreak (Cobras Theme) by Ozma
Featuring the Six Million Dollar man, super-power sound effect. Na na na na na na na. He falls for a girl when she reaches for a cupcake. Not the Bionic Man, the other guy. “Cobra” I guess. God bless.
13. Princes Of The Universe (Highlander Theme) by Queen
This song is designed to get you pumped the fuck up to go out and start swordfights and behead the Kurgan. Also, at some point during the tune, Freddy Mercury says, “bring on the girls.” Girls. Freddy. Come on, man.
14. Frodo, Don't Wear the Ring by Flight of the Conchords
My friend Bobby loves these Kiwi or Aussie weirdoes. I like any song about a shoeless midget with magic powers sung by kids whose country used to be an Escape From New York style prison.
15. Tassy by Shelly D and Sachin
This girl is a real winner.
16. The Unknown Stuntman by Lee Majors
I like to pretend Lee Majors character in The Fall Guy is actually astronaut turned super-hero secret agent, Steve Austin, in disguise. Just me? I’m fine with that.
17. Hot In Herre by Jenny Owen Youngs
All girls named Jenny are sad. All of them. Prove me wrong.
18. Pig by Rivers Cuomo
The thing of it is, this tune sounds happy. Until about halfway through the number when Riv-Dog takes a nosedive off Mount Emo onto the rocky cliffs of heartbreak.
19. Cape Cod Kwassa Kwassa by Vampire Weekend
Vampire Weekend is a good name for a band, and a bad name for an activity. I would not go to Vampire Weekend no matter what in entailed. Not now. Not ever.
20. Take Me Out To The Ball Game by The Hold Steady
Yeah, it’s about the Twins, but the Twins haven’t been a threat to win anything since that movie where the kid manages the team and Pointdexter almost hits the homer. That’s a pretty convoluted joke. Man.
21. Sloop John B by Beach Boys
Brian Wilson is crazier than anybody, but Pet Sounds is pure summer bliss.
Rock.