IMDB User Reviews
The following are a sampling of reviews by IMDB users on movies, that, quite frankly, suck. This will be the first in a continuing series.
3000 Miles To Graceland
1- I owe Roger Ebert an apology regarding this film. I was surprised by his review trashing it. What did he call it? "Mean spirited," I believe. He also described a few plot points that I had trouble believing. I thought, "He must be joking. They couldn't possibly have done something THAT stupid."
Then I saw the film. So now, I apologize to Roger Ebert for not believing him. In fact, I thought he was being kind.
Now, I'm determined that someone owes me an apology for having made that piece of garbage, and for making me wish I'd stayed home to watch XFL football instead.
2- I don't really want to waste too much time on this review because this horrid movie has wasted enough of my time.It's pretty much one of the dumbest movies ever created. The opening sequence with CG scorpions fighting in the desert is so lame. Costner sucked, Russell sucked, Cox sucked (ha ha). When I see a movie like this i cannot help to wonder what Hollywood wizard was able to get this turd financed. Is there that much disposable money in the Movie industry? Whatever company backed this film got swindled. They should seek restitution for the damages that resulted by the making of this bloated, overwrought brain killer. AAAHHHGG! I can't write anymore about this movie, it's giving me gastric distress.
3- I sure hope that Kurt Russell fired his agent after finishing this steaming turd. This movie begs for you to take the tape or DVD out of the player and smash it until no other poor soul can be contaminated by it. The fact that some idiots rated this movie a 10(?) makes me fear for humankind. Kevin Costner is not now, nor ever will be, a bad guy. Stop trying Kevin, it's embarrassing to watch you try to be bad. Ice-T's little performance should show you were this movie is going but if you have made it that far in then it is too late. Christian Slater and the Antichrist known as David Arquette lend nothing to the movie, and the highly annoying kid should have been shot as soon as he appeared. Bottom line: When even the gunfights suck, you know this movie has no chance.
4- Holy God. This movie was actually without a doubt the single worst movie I have ever seen and I saw Showgirls. Damn how could they waste peoples time like that. I was in the theater and 7 people walked out in the middle sadly I wasn't one of them. Absolutely nothing works in this swill, nothing from plot or acting or you name it. Total and complete crap garbage crap crap crap. Use the 4 dollars you would spend on renting Graceland and pay someone to kick you in the balls it would be more fun. Crap.
5-Bad. Remarkably bad. A low point for film, a low point for Costner (pretty incredible, considering some of the trash he's been in) and a low point for audiences.
I'm not sure who to lash out against to begin - but I'll take my shots at director Demian Lichtenstein first, since he's the most obvious one to answer for this mess. The man may be a more than capable music video director, but he may want to stick to that particular genre if every effort of his on the big screen will look like this one. Excessive slow motion shots, random compressed footage and an eye that wanders so often as to make almost every scene difficult to watch don't add up to success. It's obvious that Lichtenstein was still thinking in 3:05 mode - the short-attention-span mode might appeal to 12-year-olds on sugar benders, but not too many others.
Writing's next, since the plot, characters, storyline, etc. (i.e. every essential element) is a major weakness in this one. Why anyone would ruin what's a neat idea - Elvis impersonators shaking down a casino, an operation that takes about 5-10 minutes of screen time - with close to two hours of garbage is beyond me.
What really bothers me is they missed out on the real story - the planning of this admittedly cool crime leading up to the actual event, where it doesn't matter if they succeed, but that they tried it - and went with something I can't even begin to describe.
Sure, they were aiming for original and offbeat here, but wow did they miss the mark. We're not talking 4th ring outside the center, either - the target's in Central Park, and their shot landed somewhere in downtown... Siberia.
There's no salvaging this wreck. Let's just pray it sinks deep beneath the waves - maybe somewhere in those vast oceans you might remember from Costner's bad but watchable Waterworld - and, unlike the Titanic, is never heard from again.
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FINAL THOUGHT: THE MORAL OF THE STORY...3000 MILES TO GRACELAND IS 3000 MILES FROM A GOOD FILM. STAY TUNED FOR PART 2 OF THE SERIES: IMDB USERS RECOGNIZE CRAP WHEN THEY SEE IT.