Not sure what to write.
I am feeling very down right now. I was having an okay morning then I found out at work that someone that was hired when I was is being moved up already. I think I actually had my feelings hurt because I was not considered. I felt like I was catching on really quick. But, if I was my supervisor, I wouldn't move me up either. I am not very stable right now. I might not even be at this job for very long. I am still considering moving. I am waiting until after my court hearning next week to decide for sure. But I did get a sign yesterday about it. I was called by the employment office in the town that I am thinking of moving to. They had a job opening that matched my skills and wanted to know if I was interested in applying and relocating. So I sent them a current resume and now I will just have to wait and see.
The morning has gone a lot faster than I thought it would. I am very anxious to get on my way to see my kids. The trip will be interesting. My soon to be ex husband is taking me. His roommate and his younger brother are also coming along for the ride. At least I can sleep on the way over and the way back. It is about a 6 hour drive over 2 mountain passes. At least I don't have to drive.
I just feel like I can not make any decision for myself right now. I have to be out of the shelter soon and I am not sure where to move to. I guess I should decide if I am going to move out of town or stay here. I hate the idea that "he" chased me away..but on the other hand, it would be nice to have a new start somewhere else. I do have a place to move to here, if I want to. I just can't seem to decide what to do.
My lawyer took the rest of my money yesterday. This thing with my ex bf is costing me a lot. He has a bunch of my personal belongings (dressers, kids beds, tv's, vcr's, cookware). He first told me that he put it in storage...then he told me it was at his house. He can not be believed about anything. He said if I drop the stalking order and just give him 20 minutes face to face, he will give me my shit back. I do NOT believe him. I am going to see if the judge will make him give me my stuff back when I go to trial next week. I am just worried about it because my kids want their beds and dressers back. It kills me to hear my little 5 year old ask me if I have gotten her bed back yet. It is the bed that I had when I was a kid. Of course, it also kills me when the kids ask if I have found a place for us to live yet.
I can not believe how my choices have hurt so many people. I feel so much pain at times. The only thing that keeps me here on this planet and in this state is my kids. If I didn't have them...I would have packed my van and ran. I still often think about not wanting to live anymore. I think about how Michael was saying HORRIBLE things to me one night. I was actually standing in our bedroom with my shirt off, talking to him on the cell phone, beating the crap out of my back. I left some really nasty bruises that night.
My unemployement got denied. I had quit a job becuase of that son of a bitch. It was either walk out at that moment or have him come in and drag me out. He didn't like that I couldn't take his personal phone calls. The guy from the employment office told me that since I didn't leave for 2 weeks that it was obvious that was not the reason I quit my job. The man had no concept what so ever about domestic violence. I am going to fight it, of course. Hopefully the next person I get will understand a little bit about domestic violence and how fearful we are to leave.
Ok..if you have read this far, I commend you. I know this is long and all over the place. Thanks for taking the time to read it.
The morning has gone a lot faster than I thought it would. I am very anxious to get on my way to see my kids. The trip will be interesting. My soon to be ex husband is taking me. His roommate and his younger brother are also coming along for the ride. At least I can sleep on the way over and the way back. It is about a 6 hour drive over 2 mountain passes. At least I don't have to drive.
I just feel like I can not make any decision for myself right now. I have to be out of the shelter soon and I am not sure where to move to. I guess I should decide if I am going to move out of town or stay here. I hate the idea that "he" chased me away..but on the other hand, it would be nice to have a new start somewhere else. I do have a place to move to here, if I want to. I just can't seem to decide what to do.
My lawyer took the rest of my money yesterday. This thing with my ex bf is costing me a lot. He has a bunch of my personal belongings (dressers, kids beds, tv's, vcr's, cookware). He first told me that he put it in storage...then he told me it was at his house. He can not be believed about anything. He said if I drop the stalking order and just give him 20 minutes face to face, he will give me my shit back. I do NOT believe him. I am going to see if the judge will make him give me my stuff back when I go to trial next week. I am just worried about it because my kids want their beds and dressers back. It kills me to hear my little 5 year old ask me if I have gotten her bed back yet. It is the bed that I had when I was a kid. Of course, it also kills me when the kids ask if I have found a place for us to live yet.
I can not believe how my choices have hurt so many people. I feel so much pain at times. The only thing that keeps me here on this planet and in this state is my kids. If I didn't have them...I would have packed my van and ran. I still often think about not wanting to live anymore. I think about how Michael was saying HORRIBLE things to me one night. I was actually standing in our bedroom with my shirt off, talking to him on the cell phone, beating the crap out of my back. I left some really nasty bruises that night.
My unemployement got denied. I had quit a job becuase of that son of a bitch. It was either walk out at that moment or have him come in and drag me out. He didn't like that I couldn't take his personal phone calls. The guy from the employment office told me that since I didn't leave for 2 weeks that it was obvious that was not the reason I quit my job. The man had no concept what so ever about domestic violence. I am going to fight it, of course. Hopefully the next person I get will understand a little bit about domestic violence and how fearful we are to leave.
Ok..if you have read this far, I commend you. I know this is long and all over the place. Thanks for taking the time to read it.