Underpinnings
My last post here was in 2007. That's crazy. It's been sixteen years since I posted in here last. It almost feels like confession. Hello, my name is thevixon, it's been sixteen years since my last posting.
During those sixteen years, so many things have changed. I had relationships that didn't work out until I met the loves of my life, my husband and then a few years later, my son.
I know this sounds crazy, but today's revelation started while folding laundry. As I was folding, I realized all my underwear was functional. Everything I folded was comfortable. There was nothing that even hinted at sex. My sexiest bra was a t-shirt bra that kept poking me with it's underwire. I put away my clothes and realized there was nothing in the drawer either. Nothing saucy. Nothing sexy. No corsets or plunge bras. No saucy bikini underwear. Nothing that even whispered of lace. Nothing matching with cute bows are ribbons. Bras are either beige or black. Sexy underwear? Nope. None there either. Comfy boyshorts. Not one item had even a hint of seduction. Not one single red lace anything.
Boring. That's what I've become. Boring.
Now it's understandable, things change. You get married and after the honeymoon ends and you come back home, it's all passionate lovemaking and dancing naked on the back deck. Playing hooky from work wrapped in each other all day and night only getting out of bed for more wine and cold Chinese food. You have a kid and the stolen moments happen less and less because your lives aren't your own anymore.
Then Whammo. You've been married 12 years, your child is 9 years old and you're standing in front of your underwear drawer wondering what the hell happened here?
And it's not only about the underwear drawer. It's about the non-shaved legs, the third day unwashed hair. Its about the uniform of tank tops and leggings that never change. The same routines, the same kathunk over and over and over again.
I look back to the great sexploration and I realize there was a time I let myself have so much more. Because this isn't about anything else but me letting me have the life I want. Re-igniting a different passion for who and where I am now. I'm not a 30 year old discovering what she wants. I did that. I have an inkling of what I want and who I want to be. It's now a matter of figuring out how to release that same passion with my husband in a 50 year old, happily married woman kind of way.
I brought this up to MrSexyPants and we've had some really great conversations. He realized he hasn't taken time to nurture his passions either and wants to find something to fire him up as well. We have our loops and routines and go through so much of our lives on autopilot.
I could say I haven't had the time to fill my passions but the reality is I haven't given myself the time to fill those voids so I can be a better wife, a better mother and just a better me, but were going to figure it out somehow.
Until then, I'm going to go shopping. Let's see if some sexy underpinnings help me push myself to more of thevixon-type adventures.
G'night.