(no subject)
The older I get, the more and more I start to feel like we're all just fragile sacks of meat, waiting to break & fall apart.
I found out that my aunt has an uterine tumor and will be having a biopsy this weekend. I'm worried for her and I'd like to speak to her before she has the procedure. Although I cant say that the very notion of it, calling her now, doesn't make me a bit uneasy being that I haven't spoken to her in so long....
It also feels silly, because these days no one in my family talks That is, unless it's over the corpse of one of our own or in a hospital..and I don't care if what I've just said may sound fucked up. It's true, and I think that the facts of the situation are far worse that whatever verbiage I'm using to spill them. None the less, what ever happens, I'll be there.
It's been quite the geriatric year in my family. It seems like all of the older people -parents, aunts, uncles and grandparents are getting sick, chronically sick and its getting depressing and scary.
The majority have lived healthy lifestyles, aside from my dad. And it makes me feel like I should just say fuck it and eat, drink & smoke whatever the hell I want to because in all likely-hood, I'm genetically destined to start falling apart at about 50 anyway.
So here's to the upcoming holidays! No more hospitals or death....please?
Dad, I love you. We have to cook again really soon. But please don't give me such a hard time when I have to go home. I promise to always come back. And please, STOP FUCKING SMOKING. YOU HAVE AN OXYGEN TANK FOR GOD"S SAKE!!!!!!
Grandma, I miss you. I've been thinking about you constantly. I promise I will come to visit you soon. I hope you'll wanna talk more. I miss your stories about the island and the little house you grew up in and I'd like to hear about what Johnny Dep was like **laughs affectionately**. Please don't fall again. Tell Oscar to cook for himself already!
Lourdess (Titi), I wish that you liked me. All throughout my childhood until now I've felt that you didn't. You'll probably never know or believe this, but despite my feelings or thoughts about you, I always secretly wished that you were my mother because you never hit your kids and you weren't scary like mine. I don't really feel like I know much about who you really are but I love you and I hope that you're okay.
Robert (Tio), I can still remember your face and voice so clearly. In my head, you're not dead. And for all of the times that I ran into you on the train or on the street when I would sometimes cross or quickly turn the corner hoping to avoid you so that I could go about my business or head to wherever I was going without having to be stopped by you to chat, I'm sorry. I wish I could take those times back. I still can't believe that you're gone.
I found out that my aunt has an uterine tumor and will be having a biopsy this weekend. I'm worried for her and I'd like to speak to her before she has the procedure. Although I cant say that the very notion of it, calling her now, doesn't make me a bit uneasy being that I haven't spoken to her in so long....
It also feels silly, because these days no one in my family talks That is, unless it's over the corpse of one of our own or in a hospital..and I don't care if what I've just said may sound fucked up. It's true, and I think that the facts of the situation are far worse that whatever verbiage I'm using to spill them. None the less, what ever happens, I'll be there.
It's been quite the geriatric year in my family. It seems like all of the older people -parents, aunts, uncles and grandparents are getting sick, chronically sick and its getting depressing and scary.
The majority have lived healthy lifestyles, aside from my dad. And it makes me feel like I should just say fuck it and eat, drink & smoke whatever the hell I want to because in all likely-hood, I'm genetically destined to start falling apart at about 50 anyway.
So here's to the upcoming holidays! No more hospitals or death....please?
Dad, I love you. We have to cook again really soon. But please don't give me such a hard time when I have to go home. I promise to always come back. And please, STOP FUCKING SMOKING. YOU HAVE AN OXYGEN TANK FOR GOD"S SAKE!!!!!!
Grandma, I miss you. I've been thinking about you constantly. I promise I will come to visit you soon. I hope you'll wanna talk more. I miss your stories about the island and the little house you grew up in and I'd like to hear about what Johnny Dep was like **laughs affectionately**. Please don't fall again. Tell Oscar to cook for himself already!
Lourdess (Titi), I wish that you liked me. All throughout my childhood until now I've felt that you didn't. You'll probably never know or believe this, but despite my feelings or thoughts about you, I always secretly wished that you were my mother because you never hit your kids and you weren't scary like mine. I don't really feel like I know much about who you really are but I love you and I hope that you're okay.
Robert (Tio), I can still remember your face and voice so clearly. In my head, you're not dead. And for all of the times that I ran into you on the train or on the street when I would sometimes cross or quickly turn the corner hoping to avoid you so that I could go about my business or head to wherever I was going without having to be stopped by you to chat, I'm sorry. I wish I could take those times back. I still can't believe that you're gone.