Breaking In
I'm failin miserably at being a hustler. Whats worse is how hard I'm trying to be better. Like actual hard effort is being put into being a positive person with goals and amibitions...but I can't stop lettign myself get shot down. And I know it's me, I know I'm the ultimate decision maker when it comes to communication and interaction. But this needle of melancholia and self pity has been feeding me so long that it's like a looking for oxygen on Mars.
I don't know how to feel optimistic about something I really don't feel optimistic about, without feeling like I'm letting myself be an idiot.
I've finally re-realized just how smart I am. But all those years off wallowing instead of examining has me worn. And trying to rebuild on shaky foundation is not only a saftey hazard, it's more difficult than need be.
Really.
They just need to stop piss testing me for jobs I can do really well.
Get out of my home life and let me into your worklife.
Peace.
I don't know how to feel optimistic about something I really don't feel optimistic about, without feeling like I'm letting myself be an idiot.
I've finally re-realized just how smart I am. But all those years off wallowing instead of examining has me worn. And trying to rebuild on shaky foundation is not only a saftey hazard, it's more difficult than need be.
Really.
They just need to stop piss testing me for jobs I can do really well.
Get out of my home life and let me into your worklife.
Peace.