Just when you think it's over...
For a moment, one amazing moment...I thought I was over it. You know what I'm talking about. I don't even have to type it out for you to read. Things actually are starting to turn around. John gave me a call earlier to let me know what was up with this new band thing and apparently we have a big gig in 30 days and there's a meeting sometime early next week. I assume we'll have the first practice the following weekend. I can't really say much more than that right now, but I'm sure you'll find out soon enough.
Anyway...I started writing a new song the other day at school and I played it for Evan tonight and the funny thing is...before I played it, I said to him "It's so weird....it sounds like Doru wrote it.", but I said it in a sarcastic kind of way but I half meant it. And when it got to the big part of the song he laughed because it sounded exactly (and I mean dead on) like a song they wrote. I laughed at first, but then I got to thinking...
That's kind of crazy. I mean...to be completely separated from them with the exception of hanging out with Evan occasionally, not ever really talking about the band except a little while after the whole thing happened and then write something that sounds exactly like something someone else wrote. Espescially when it's someone you wrote music with for over 2 years. It's like I said before...I feel connected somehow. Like that's where I'm supposed to be, but things aren't turning out that way and it just tears me apart.
It's been 3 months already (even though it feels a lot longer) and I honestly felt like I was starting to get over it. I don't get it. I really am completely lost. I shouldn't feel this way. There really isn't anything else in my life right now that's bothering me. I should be happy. Things are fine now. It's just this keeps coming back and I don't know how to make it go away.
At the least I can say I've gotten over the physical aspect of it. I have no problem listening to them now. I can talk to them about it. I've even made little suggestions on things they've been doing lately. This is all great, but I still can't get over the fact that I'll never be a part of that again. At this point, it would take some crazy miracle for that to happen.
I don't know how to explain it. Maybe something is wrong with me. Maybe there isn't. All I know is, I miss being a band with those guys more than anything and for some reason it kills me knowing that it really is over. At least I've accepted that, but like I said before it didn't help at all.
Whatever...I'm probably just rambling at this point. It's not like anyone out there cares enough to read this anyway.
...
I guess this is where I'm supposed to pick some sort of word or phrase to end this whole thing. I actually sat here and starred at the screen for at least a minute where I put those 3 dots trying to think of a word or phrase to type. I really can't think of one. I don't even know what I feel like. That kind of scares me.
Alright...I'm done.
...
Tim
Anyway...I started writing a new song the other day at school and I played it for Evan tonight and the funny thing is...before I played it, I said to him "It's so weird....it sounds like Doru wrote it.", but I said it in a sarcastic kind of way but I half meant it. And when it got to the big part of the song he laughed because it sounded exactly (and I mean dead on) like a song they wrote. I laughed at first, but then I got to thinking...
That's kind of crazy. I mean...to be completely separated from them with the exception of hanging out with Evan occasionally, not ever really talking about the band except a little while after the whole thing happened and then write something that sounds exactly like something someone else wrote. Espescially when it's someone you wrote music with for over 2 years. It's like I said before...I feel connected somehow. Like that's where I'm supposed to be, but things aren't turning out that way and it just tears me apart.
It's been 3 months already (even though it feels a lot longer) and I honestly felt like I was starting to get over it. I don't get it. I really am completely lost. I shouldn't feel this way. There really isn't anything else in my life right now that's bothering me. I should be happy. Things are fine now. It's just this keeps coming back and I don't know how to make it go away.
At the least I can say I've gotten over the physical aspect of it. I have no problem listening to them now. I can talk to them about it. I've even made little suggestions on things they've been doing lately. This is all great, but I still can't get over the fact that I'll never be a part of that again. At this point, it would take some crazy miracle for that to happen.
I don't know how to explain it. Maybe something is wrong with me. Maybe there isn't. All I know is, I miss being a band with those guys more than anything and for some reason it kills me knowing that it really is over. At least I've accepted that, but like I said before it didn't help at all.
Whatever...I'm probably just rambling at this point. It's not like anyone out there cares enough to read this anyway.
...
I guess this is where I'm supposed to pick some sort of word or phrase to end this whole thing. I actually sat here and starred at the screen for at least a minute where I put those 3 dots trying to think of a word or phrase to type. I really can't think of one. I don't even know what I feel like. That kind of scares me.
Alright...I'm done.
...
Tim