IT CAME FROM THE THRIFT STORE: KILLER BIKER CHICKS (2009) ½ *
Killer Biker Chicks opens with the dictionary definition of “b-movies”. As if it’s trying to let itself off the hook for containing bad editing, acting, and dialogue. This is one of those wrongheaded throwback pictures that came out in the wake of Grindhouse. These kinds of films only work when filmmakers use the old motifs of Grindhouse cinema to create something retro and cool. Instead, these hacks set out to make a bad movie on purpose, using the fact that most biker flicks are already pretty terrible to begin with as a built-in excuse to suck.
There’s so much wrong with Killer Biker Chicks, so I’ll just hit the highlights (or lowlights as the case may be). The editing is horrible. It cuts to black or slowly fades out after EVERY SINGLE SCENE. They also use EVERY SINGLE FILTER on the camera, which results in a slipshod look. It goes from black and white, to red tint, to video, to negative, usually without rhyme or reason. They really needed to pick a style and stick with it.
The sound is awful too. The audio is extremely loud in one scene and inaudible in the next. In fact, the sound gets so bad that at some points, they have to resort to using subtitles, just so you won’t miss the dialogue (which is moronic, offensive, and just plain unfunny).
The cast is also pathetic. There were only two names in the cast that I recognized. Trent Haaga is a veteran of many Troma movies, but his Troma output looks like Criterion Collection material next to this flick. It was also nice to see the late exploitation legend Ted V. Mikels pop up early on as the owner of a strip club. I wish the filmmakers didn’t give him so much dialogue because he flubs many of his lines. (He does get to name drop The Astro-Zombies in there though.) The Killer Biker Chicks get naked a lot, but that’s about where their talent ends.
What’s probably the most infuriating thing about the film is that the Killer Biker Chicks don’t even get much screen time in their own movie. A pair of comic relief (and I use that term very loosely) cops dominate the screen as they spend most of their time abusing their power while they rape and steal from average citizens. Their banter is painfully unfunny too.
With a budget this low, I was surprised to hear songs like “It’s Raining Men”, “Mama Told Me Not to Come”, and “Born to Be Wild” on the soundtrack. Maybe they blew their budget on the soundtrack clearances. Heck, the whole thing is so slapdash it wouldn’t surprise me if they didn’t pay for the rights to use the songs.
All of this goes on and on for 99 excruciating minutes. The film’s only merit is the rampant T & A. Other than that, I have to say that this is easily one of the worst biker movies I've ever sat through.
Next time on It Came from the Thrift Store: Legends of the Superheroes!