METAMORPHOSIS (1990) **
The Grim Reaper himself George Eastman wrote and directed this sorry excuse for a mad scientist turning himself into a mutant flick. Gene LeBrock stars as a megalomaniacal professor who’s working on a way to reverse the aging process. His superiors want results and threaten to take the project away from him, so he does what every scientist in the movies does, he tries it on himself. This procedure involves duct taping his face and sticking a loooong needle into his eyeball. The experiment is a success and he celebrates with banging the MILF in charge of overseeing his research. The drug supposedly reverses the aging process but since the doctor is like 26 it’s hard to tell if it really works. After a week though, he starts deteriorating, becomes “a living fossil” and goes on a kill crazy rampage ripping out people’s hearts, livers and eyeballs. In the “Oh my God are you fucking kidding me” finale LeBrock turns into a dinosaur that is promptly killed by the cops. When one cop asks another what it was, he replies “A nightmare… from the past.”
The movie starts out decently enough but unfortunately the last chunk of the movie is just the prune faced scientist chasing the chick and her snot nosed kid in an empty warehouse. It’s less a movie and more of a filmed clinical testing of the effects of the miracle drug. I can read the medicine label now: If you take this anti-aging drug that the guy took in Metamorphosis you’ll get super strength, a vast improvement on your racquetball game and the ability to move around like you’re in a Peter Gabriel video. Warning: side effects include: mood swings, drowsiness, the ability to stare at rabbits for long periods of time, bad dreams, the power to piss off monkeys, lapses in memory, desires to beat up hookers, homicidal tendencies, a large forehead, increasing needs to attack female students and cause them to puke, rapidly aging 50 years in a week, a thirst for human blood and an outward appearance so hideous that it even freaks out Santa Claus. It should also be noted that this flick features a scene in which a potential female victim showers while listening to suspenseful music on her record player just in case she’s being stalked I guess.
LeBrock isn’t half bad in the lead and kinda resembles Christian Bale a little until about the hour mark where he becomes totally immersed in Paper Mache. Laura (Emanuelle) Gemser also shows up briefly as the punch drunk hooker.
The movie starts out decently enough but unfortunately the last chunk of the movie is just the prune faced scientist chasing the chick and her snot nosed kid in an empty warehouse. It’s less a movie and more of a filmed clinical testing of the effects of the miracle drug. I can read the medicine label now: If you take this anti-aging drug that the guy took in Metamorphosis you’ll get super strength, a vast improvement on your racquetball game and the ability to move around like you’re in a Peter Gabriel video. Warning: side effects include: mood swings, drowsiness, the ability to stare at rabbits for long periods of time, bad dreams, the power to piss off monkeys, lapses in memory, desires to beat up hookers, homicidal tendencies, a large forehead, increasing needs to attack female students and cause them to puke, rapidly aging 50 years in a week, a thirst for human blood and an outward appearance so hideous that it even freaks out Santa Claus. It should also be noted that this flick features a scene in which a potential female victim showers while listening to suspenseful music on her record player just in case she’s being stalked I guess.
LeBrock isn’t half bad in the lead and kinda resembles Christian Bale a little until about the hour mark where he becomes totally immersed in Paper Mache. Laura (Emanuelle) Gemser also shows up briefly as the punch drunk hooker.