V/H/S (2012) **
I’m a sucker for anthology horror movies. However, I have a strong distain for the “found footage” genre. V/H/S blends the two together with middling results.
“Tape 56” (*): A group of sketchy guys go around causing general mayhem. They assault random women, smash windows, and break shit. They then sneak into an old guy’s house and sift through some of his videotapes, hoping to find a prized movie.
This segment acts as our wraparound story. And there’s not a whole lot to it I’m afraid. It was directed by Adam Wingard, who went on to make the superior You’re Next, but you can’t really tell he’s a talented horror filmmaker from this mess. I know this is supposed to be a “found footage” movie, but Wingard really went overboard trying to make the shaky-cam bullshit look crappy on purpose. The additional popping, glitching, tape rolls, and static may make the low-fi aesthetic look more authentic, but it just winds up giving the viewer a major headache. Luckily, the rest of the film isn’t nearly as bad.
“Amateur Night” (** ½): A group of guys go out on the town. One of them wears a pair of spy glasses with a hidden camera inside. They pick up two girls and take them back to their hotel room and one of them winds up being a vampire type of creature.
This story has a good concept and would’ve made for a nice short. It doesn’t really take full advantage of the “found footage” gimmick (except for the abrupt ending, that is), but without it, it might’ve made for a decent standalone film. (It kinda reminded me of Very Bad Things Meets the Night Flier.) Too bad the shaky-cam bullshit ruins a lot of the would-be suspense.
“Second Honeymoon” (**): A couple on their honeymoon record themselves driving around the desert. One night, a mysterious woman breaks into their hotel room and films them sleeping. After some mountain climbing the next day, the couple returns to their room. That night, the woman comes back, with deadly results.
Directed by Ti (The Innkeepers) West, this segment does a good job at recreating the mundaneness of a couple on a road trip. It also boasts the best camerawork of all the stories as it’s not as shaky as the others. It also gets points for having semi-likeable characters, but the twist ending is so slight that it hardly registers.
“Thursday the 17th” (**): A bunch of teens go into the woods with a video camera. They smoke pot and goof around and one of the girls has a premonition that they will all die. One by one they get picked off by a knife-wielding killer who appears as a blur on camera.
This story is pretty standard stuff. It’s kinda like Friday the 13th with camcorders (hence the tongue in cheek title). There is a supernatural twist at the end, but it’s really hard to make head or tails of it.
“The Sick Thing That Happened to Emily When She Was Younger” (**): A boyfriend and girlfriend are having a conversation on Skype. She starts hearing noises outside and investigates. It turns out to be a ghostly presence… or does it?
This one has a bit different format than the other tales, which is refreshing. Other than that, it’s pretty much the same old shit. And like the stories that came before, the twist comes so far from left field that it plays as more of a “Huh?” than anything.
“10/31/98” (***): Here’s another one of those group-of-friends-filming-themselves deals. They go to a Halloween party at a seemingly deserted house. Eventually they discover some ritualistic sacrifice is going on in the attic. Then things get weird.
At least this story ends the flick on a positive note. This segment does a much better job at what the others tried and failed to do. It manages to build suspense and is even fairly atmospheric. The effects are really well done too and it’s the only occasion where the kitchen sink twist ending is actually effective.
At nearly two hours, V/H/S is way too long. The wraparound footage could’ve easily been scrapped and the running time would’ve been a lot more agreeable. There are some nice moments here and there, but it won’t convert anyone who can’t stand shaky-cam horror flicks.