BURT-A-PALOOZA: ATYPICAL BURT
EVERYTHING YOU ALWAYS WANTED TO KNOW ABOUT SEX* BUT WERE AFRAID TO ASK (1972) **
Woody Allen wrote and directed this comedic adaptation of the famous book by Dr. David Reuben. The flick is broken up into seven chapters and because of its episodic nature; it’s patchy as all get out. Most of the good stuff is weighted towards the end, but none of it is exactly vintage Wood Man material.
Do Aphrodisiacs Work? (**) Woody Allen plays a court jester who is madly in love with the Queen (Lynn Redgrave). He gives her an aphrodisiac and it makes her want to get it on with him. Unfortunately for him, he gets his hand stuck in her chastity belt. This segment is pleasant and semi-clever, but it offers no real laugh out loud moments. Allen’s constant mugging isn’t really all that funny either.
What is Sodomy? (**) A sheep herder is having a torrid love affair with his beloved sheep named Daisy. He tells his doctor (Gene Wilder) of their relationship and it kinda freaks him out. Despite his initial hesitation, the doctor agrees to see Daisy and winds up falling in love with her too. This episode is extremely one-note and not very funny. At least Wilder’s eccentric performance keeps you watching.
Do Some Women Have Trouble Reaching Orgasm? (**) Allen stars as a newlywed who can't bring his wife to climax. Eventually he realizes the only way she can get off is by having sex in public. I have to say I liked how this segment was set up. Allen films the whole segment as if it was a foreign film (complete with subtitles) which is kinda cool, but alas; he forgets to put any funny jokes in it.
Are Transvestites Homosexuals? (**) A guy goes to his in-laws' house for dinner and sneaks away from the table to dress in his mother in-law’s clothes. He winds up falling out a window and faces public humiliation when his purse is snatched. This episode is easily the weakest of the lot. It’s obvious from the get-go where all of this is headed and none of it is particularly funny to boot.
What Are Sex Perverts? (** ½) On the game show “What’s My Perversion?”, a panel of celebrities (including Regis Philbin) try to guess a contestant’s sexual fetish. Being a fan of old game shows, I have to admit I kinda got a kick out of this one. I especially liked seeing Jack Barry (playing himself) as the host of the show. That doesn’t means it works exactly (although the commercial is pretty funny), but it’s a lot more entertaining than the previous segments.
Are the Findings of Doctors and Clinics Who Do Sexual Research and Experiments Accurate? (** ½) Woody Allen goes to sex doctor John Carradine’s castle to help him with his latest experiment. When Woody realizes the doc is off his rocker, Carradine unleashes a giant killer tit (that squirts milk) on the town. This is arguably the funniest segment in the entire film. That’s not saying a whole lot, but how can you completely hate a segment that contains a giant killer tit? I loved that Allen basically made this sequence like a send-up to a 50’s monster movie (casting Carradine was an inspired touch); I just wish the whole thing didn’t run out of gas so fast.
What Happens During Ejaculation? (** ½) This sequence shows what happens in a man’s body during sex. Tony Randall stars as the head of muscle control and Burt Reynolds is the switchboard operator who sends messages to the sperm (one of which is played by Woody Allen) to eject from the penis. This is one of those scenes that plays better in theory than on the screen. It’s more clever than laugh out loud funny and suffers from a criminal misuse of Reynolds’ talent. Seriously, why would you put the biggest male sexual icon of the 70’s in a comedy about sex and make him a damned switchboard operator? Luckily, Randall’s great performance saves the segment from being a complete washout.
AKA: Everything You Always Wanted to Know About Sex.
AT LONG LAST LOVE (1975) *
Peter Bogdanovich wrote and directed this notorious disaster. Usually when I watch a universally panned box office bomb (especially one starring Burt Reynolds), I can divorce myself from the bad buzz surrounding the film. Well, this is one case where the critics were right. Man, this movie stinks on toast.
The plot has two couples (Burt Reynolds and Madeline Kahn and Cybil Shepherd and some other jackass) falling out of love with one another. Then they start seeing the other’s former flames. Then they decide to go back to the original arrangements.
This plotline wouldn’t have sustained one single solitary musical number, let alone forty. Seriously, all of these jokers sing a solo every two minutes and most of them do it very, very badly. I know I can’t really talk because I couldn’t carry a tune if it had handles attached, but you don’t see me up on screen embarrassing myself.
Honestly folks; At Long Last Love features some of the worst fucking singing I’ve ever heard. The only one who isn’t that bad is Madeline Kahn, but she isn’t nearly as good here as she was in Blazing Saddles. And you know I love Burt Reynolds to death, but the man simply can’t sing for shit. He gives it his best shot and is able to coast by on his charm alone. The rest of the cast isn’t so lucky.
Perhaps it was all the Cole Porter songs that did the movie in. I have nothing against Porter personally, but because ALL of the songs in the film are by him, there isn’t much variety. If you are a die-hard Porter fan, you may enjoy it. Then again, hearing his songs being butchered for two hours isn’t exactly the best tribute to the man.
At Long Last Love is a grating, joyless, and painful experience. Some of the numbers are just so appalling that words can’t describe it. Take the caveman number for instance. Your ears are going to hate you for that one. But your eyes won’t have it much better. Bogdanovich films everything in a drab fashion, so all the numbers are severely lacking pizazz. Some are so lifeless that they almost seem like a filmed dress rehearsal and not the real thing. I guess the awful singing and lame dance sequences could’ve been overlooked if we actually cared about the love rectangle that comprises the “plot” of the film. But it’s pretty hard to care about characters who spend more time incessantly singing off key than having meaningful human interactions with one another.
This movie pretty much killed Bogdanovich’s career; and rightly so. It gets One Star for the sets and because Burt does his patented laugh. Other than that, avoid it like the plague.
Woody Allen wrote and directed this comedic adaptation of the famous book by Dr. David Reuben. The flick is broken up into seven chapters and because of its episodic nature; it’s patchy as all get out. Most of the good stuff is weighted towards the end, but none of it is exactly vintage Wood Man material.
Do Aphrodisiacs Work? (**) Woody Allen plays a court jester who is madly in love with the Queen (Lynn Redgrave). He gives her an aphrodisiac and it makes her want to get it on with him. Unfortunately for him, he gets his hand stuck in her chastity belt. This segment is pleasant and semi-clever, but it offers no real laugh out loud moments. Allen’s constant mugging isn’t really all that funny either.
What is Sodomy? (**) A sheep herder is having a torrid love affair with his beloved sheep named Daisy. He tells his doctor (Gene Wilder) of their relationship and it kinda freaks him out. Despite his initial hesitation, the doctor agrees to see Daisy and winds up falling in love with her too. This episode is extremely one-note and not very funny. At least Wilder’s eccentric performance keeps you watching.
Do Some Women Have Trouble Reaching Orgasm? (**) Allen stars as a newlywed who can't bring his wife to climax. Eventually he realizes the only way she can get off is by having sex in public. I have to say I liked how this segment was set up. Allen films the whole segment as if it was a foreign film (complete with subtitles) which is kinda cool, but alas; he forgets to put any funny jokes in it.
Are Transvestites Homosexuals? (**) A guy goes to his in-laws' house for dinner and sneaks away from the table to dress in his mother in-law’s clothes. He winds up falling out a window and faces public humiliation when his purse is snatched. This episode is easily the weakest of the lot. It’s obvious from the get-go where all of this is headed and none of it is particularly funny to boot.
What Are Sex Perverts? (** ½) On the game show “What’s My Perversion?”, a panel of celebrities (including Regis Philbin) try to guess a contestant’s sexual fetish. Being a fan of old game shows, I have to admit I kinda got a kick out of this one. I especially liked seeing Jack Barry (playing himself) as the host of the show. That doesn’t means it works exactly (although the commercial is pretty funny), but it’s a lot more entertaining than the previous segments.
Are the Findings of Doctors and Clinics Who Do Sexual Research and Experiments Accurate? (** ½) Woody Allen goes to sex doctor John Carradine’s castle to help him with his latest experiment. When Woody realizes the doc is off his rocker, Carradine unleashes a giant killer tit (that squirts milk) on the town. This is arguably the funniest segment in the entire film. That’s not saying a whole lot, but how can you completely hate a segment that contains a giant killer tit? I loved that Allen basically made this sequence like a send-up to a 50’s monster movie (casting Carradine was an inspired touch); I just wish the whole thing didn’t run out of gas so fast.
What Happens During Ejaculation? (** ½) This sequence shows what happens in a man’s body during sex. Tony Randall stars as the head of muscle control and Burt Reynolds is the switchboard operator who sends messages to the sperm (one of which is played by Woody Allen) to eject from the penis. This is one of those scenes that plays better in theory than on the screen. It’s more clever than laugh out loud funny and suffers from a criminal misuse of Reynolds’ talent. Seriously, why would you put the biggest male sexual icon of the 70’s in a comedy about sex and make him a damned switchboard operator? Luckily, Randall’s great performance saves the segment from being a complete washout.
AKA: Everything You Always Wanted to Know About Sex.
AT LONG LAST LOVE (1975) *
Peter Bogdanovich wrote and directed this notorious disaster. Usually when I watch a universally panned box office bomb (especially one starring Burt Reynolds), I can divorce myself from the bad buzz surrounding the film. Well, this is one case where the critics were right. Man, this movie stinks on toast.
The plot has two couples (Burt Reynolds and Madeline Kahn and Cybil Shepherd and some other jackass) falling out of love with one another. Then they start seeing the other’s former flames. Then they decide to go back to the original arrangements.
This plotline wouldn’t have sustained one single solitary musical number, let alone forty. Seriously, all of these jokers sing a solo every two minutes and most of them do it very, very badly. I know I can’t really talk because I couldn’t carry a tune if it had handles attached, but you don’t see me up on screen embarrassing myself.
Honestly folks; At Long Last Love features some of the worst fucking singing I’ve ever heard. The only one who isn’t that bad is Madeline Kahn, but she isn’t nearly as good here as she was in Blazing Saddles. And you know I love Burt Reynolds to death, but the man simply can’t sing for shit. He gives it his best shot and is able to coast by on his charm alone. The rest of the cast isn’t so lucky.
Perhaps it was all the Cole Porter songs that did the movie in. I have nothing against Porter personally, but because ALL of the songs in the film are by him, there isn’t much variety. If you are a die-hard Porter fan, you may enjoy it. Then again, hearing his songs being butchered for two hours isn’t exactly the best tribute to the man.
At Long Last Love is a grating, joyless, and painful experience. Some of the numbers are just so appalling that words can’t describe it. Take the caveman number for instance. Your ears are going to hate you for that one. But your eyes won’t have it much better. Bogdanovich films everything in a drab fashion, so all the numbers are severely lacking pizazz. Some are so lifeless that they almost seem like a filmed dress rehearsal and not the real thing. I guess the awful singing and lame dance sequences could’ve been overlooked if we actually cared about the love rectangle that comprises the “plot” of the film. But it’s pretty hard to care about characters who spend more time incessantly singing off key than having meaningful human interactions with one another.
This movie pretty much killed Bogdanovich’s career; and rightly so. It gets One Star for the sets and because Burt does his patented laugh. Other than that, avoid it like the plague.