(no subject)
I feel like I don't have the necessary work ethic to function in society...evidence shows that when given a choice between doing something difficult that I don't want to do and failing out of college, I overwhelmingly avoid doing anything hard. In fact, I can't think of the last time I put a great deal of work into something...I literally would rather just...waste away then attempt not to. If there were a "give up" button on life I would have pressed it long ago - I think I set the difficulty level too high. I just want to sleep for a loooong time. I can't imagine doing the necessary work to finish college, but what I realized today is that I can't imagine working somewhere after college enough that I don't starve or have a place to sleep. When people ask me what I want to be when I grow up I always say "Rock Star..." Since Mom died I haven't had the motovation to aim higher than anything where I have to do anything I don't want to. I guess it really didn't bother me until a few years ago because I was pretty convinced that I could actually achieve that rockstar goal. My dreams are always really neat...waking up from them is awful...