[Why did he feel like talking? Up until recently he'd been concerned with secrecy--he'd finally let himself be honest with Issei, but he wasn't eager to let anything about himself or the Holy Grail War become common knowledge
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[Despite what she had said, Lancer knew his bitter words has corrupted the Grail and surely ruined her fondest wish. How could he dare talk about such a subject with her?] Truly, I don't. It's strange, as if there's an unusual weight on my heart I can't shake off. I wanted to talk to someone--anyone.
O...of course. [Right. He had gotten so used to her company that he had forgotten she would only stay until she'd recovered. Once she left he would be on his own outside of combat and not sure what to do with himself.]
It's the same with mine as well, or so I would assume.
[Lancer spoke without thinking, and quickly raised a hand to his mouth in shock once he'd realized what he'd said.]
[While it was true that every woman that looked at him fell in love...it wasn't Diarmuid they fell for. No one, not even his dear beloved Grainne, had ever loved him completely of their own free will.]
[That was the nature of the divine curse he was given, the Mystic Face of Servant Lancer that had affected nearly everyone save for the woman he spoke to now and her respectable magic resistance.]
Wh-what, I... [Lancer was a little flustered, which was a big deal for someone usually so carefully composed.]
It's not quite...like that. I admit I wish it were, now that circumstances have changed.
[Without the curse that had led him into betrayal...yes, he imagined life would be far easier. It was already remarkably different to speak to women that weren't falling all over themselves in front of him. Almost a relief, he might say.]
I'm sorry, I must not have been clear. When I asked that, I meant that- [A small hesitation. He rarely if ever admitted to this.] -that if I can't fulfill my fondest wish to loyally serve my Master, then I might want to experience something I never did while I was alive.
S-Saber, that's--That's really quite unnecessary, and I couldn't trouble you for help with such a thing. If such a thing should happen, I would like to take care of it myself.
[That strange compulsion to be honest was pulling at him again. Lancer wanted to wave this off with a dismissal, but as he hesitated before speaking it became clear that he simply couldn't.]
Then I will explain it. [He raised a hand to indicate the mark under his right eye.] This is--was--a curse, Saber. Divine magic, compelling women without resistance comparable to yours to fall in love with the one bearing it.
[He gave some thought to her question, speaking carefully.]
I lived my life the best that I could with what I had. I don't wish to complain about what can't be changed, so I won't. ...but occasionally, yes, it does bother me. Especially now that the war ended the way it did for me.
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[Despite what she had said, Lancer knew his bitter words has corrupted the Grail and surely ruined her fondest wish. How could he dare talk about such a subject with her?] Truly, I don't. It's strange, as if there's an unusual weight on my heart I can't shake off. I wanted to talk to someone--anyone.
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It's the same with mine as well, or so I would assume.
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[Lancer spoke without thinking, and quickly raised a hand to his mouth in shock once he'd realized what he'd said.]
[While it was true that every woman that looked at him fell in love...it wasn't Diarmuid they fell for. No one, not even his dear beloved Grainne, had ever loved him completely of their own free will.]
[That was the nature of the divine curse he was given, the Mystic Face of Servant Lancer that had affected nearly everyone save for the woman he spoke to now and her respectable magic resistance.]
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It's not quite...like that. I admit I wish it were, now that circumstances have changed.
[Without the curse that had led him into betrayal...yes, he imagined life would be far easier. It was already remarkably different to speak to women that weren't falling all over themselves in front of him. Almost a relief, he might say.]
I'm sorry, I must not have been clear. When I asked that, I meant that- [A small hesitation. He rarely if ever admitted to this.] -that if I can't fulfill my fondest wish to loyally serve my Master, then I might want to experience something I never did while I was alive.
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No, I was. Once. Grainne was important to me, and I cared for her more than anything.
Love was just always a little complicated when it comes to my experience.
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[That strange compulsion to be honest was pulling at him again. Lancer wanted to wave this off with a dismissal, but as he hesitated before speaking it became clear that he simply couldn't.]
Then I will explain it. [He raised a hand to indicate the mark under his right eye.] This is--was--a curse, Saber. Divine magic, compelling women without resistance comparable to yours to fall in love with the one bearing it.
Reply
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...More or less. Certainly the only one in recent memory.
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[He gave some thought to her question, speaking carefully.]
I lived my life the best that I could with what I had. I don't wish to complain about what can't be changed, so I won't. ...but occasionally, yes, it does bother me. Especially now that the war ended the way it did for me.
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