Application for Victor Van Dort, Corpse Bride
What is your favorite cheese? Why is it your favorite?
I don't have any particular preference. Really, as long as it's not fish, I'll be quite happy to eat it.
Who would you kill first, Barney or Carrottop?
Neither, if at all possible! Do either of them pose a threat? Besides which, I've met many kind people… er… *coughs and points at the floor* 'downstairs'. I would not wish the tedious company of the dinosaur or the comedian upon any of them.
What time is it where you are?
It's... oh dear. Er... I misplaced my pocket watch in the confusion after the wedding ceremony. I'm not sure of the exact time, but I'd guess that it's about... three-o'clock in the afternoon?
If you were Albus Dumbledore returned from the dead, which member of the Order of the Phoenix would you sexually harass? How would you harass them? If you are Albus Dumbledore, please answer as if you were Sirius Black.
Ohmygoodness.
I'm… I'm quite sure that this Dumbledore person is the only one who can truly answer this question. Why not ask him yourself? If he returns from the dead which isn't as unusual as you'd think, then he'll be perfectly capable of telling you. If you're the person whom his affections are set on, then you’ll no doubt find out very quickly.
That said, given that this question is purely hypothetical, Miss Tonks seems like an interesting young lady, and… er… nevermind.
If you are pushing to be in:
A. Slytherin - please state the clever, witty name of the bar in which you bartend, in the dark.
Remains of the Day. Everyone ends up there eventually. I think I'd do better to leave the bartending to Mr. Bonejangles and Pierre the head waiter though; I can't imagine that I'd be very good behind the counter. Especially not if the lighting was poor. I'd probably trip over things.
B. Gryffindor - Debate whether Harry should ultimately end up married to Fred or George. Use examples from a variety of world mythologies to bolster your argument.
Both prospective brides are alive and well, yes? Just checking. He should marry whichever one he loves. If Harry truly loves his bride-to-be, then he'll go to the ends of the earth to be with her… er… him.
*Sudden suspicious look!* …Are the groom's intentions true, though? I haven't met the young man myself, but the twins should take caution, and be absolutely certain that he's not attempting to woo them for his own personal gain. A wedding dowry can be a tempting lure for devious characters.
… Do forgive me. I'm speaking from personal experience. I'm sure that this Harry is a fine young man, and the twins have nothing to worry about.
C. Ravenclaw - You guys are supposed to be smart. Explain why my desk is inundated with paperwork at all times, even though I’m constantly disposing of it.
Perhaps the paperwork is regenerating itself? Like the hydra in ancient Greek mythology, every time you're done with one sheet, two more crop up in its place! ... Of course, if one continues with this line of thinking, the logical solution would be to set the paperwork on fire. Since people generally frown on that sort of thing, the best solution might be to sort through the papers, deal with what you can, and then throw rest in the dustbin.
D. Hufflepuff - Prove you are not useless.
... Did my in-laws write this question?
In the span of two days, I've been accidentally wed to a corpse, traveled to the land of the dead and back again, had the woman I love marry another man against her will, and been caught in a swordfight against a murderous, big-chinned madman with only a toasting fork for a weapon, all without having a nervous breakdown.
I'm... well, I'm resilient, and can be quite determined when the need arises. I've also been told that I'm quite good at drawing, and have been playing the piano since I was a young boy. Does that help?
6. Offer a bribe to the members of this community so that they will not squib you. Items used in bribery do not necessarily have to belong to the person offering the bribe. Do not threaten us rather than offering a bribe. A threat indicates you either don't really want to be here, or don't have enough sense to answer the question properly. The hat will automatically squib you, regardless of other votes, if you do.
Oh dear… I'm afraid that I don't have much. I have... let's see... several books, an old globe, various art supplies, and an antique hookah which once belonged to my grandfather. If none of these appeal to you, I could possibly give you piano lessons, or perhaps do a portrait? Maybe even teach you how to escape from spontaneous musical routines?