Lonely early tuesdays
So a week ago was easter. While I didnt get any easter cards or really even a Happy Easter from anyone, I did happen to randomly stumble upon an easter card I got last year a couple days later. Its a card from my ex girlfriend that has a bunny on the front in overalls and his hands inward and big floppy ears (I like the floppy eared bunnies better than the sticky up eared bunnies hehe) and under neath it says "I love you", and on the inside the bunnies arms are open as wide as they can and his ears stick straight up and outward and above him it says "This much!" and next to him "Happy Easter". The card was personalized to say "To the biggest baboo. I love you more than you know. xxxxxxx" Pretty nice card eh? I wish I had got it this easter. Only problem with the card lays in that last part..I love you more than you know.
So when we broke at the end of June last year it came as a complete surprise to me. What was even more of a surprise was finding out like a week later (After we had seperated, which as with many breakups, arent called breakups at the beginning, they are called breaks, which would imply some period of break and then resuming of things, but what it really is..is that they feel it takes less courage to say that than come straight out that they want to break up indefinently. Which for me, its always indefinently. For some reason I guess im never worth (and more importantly, the long duration of time spent together, and long period of time there was a mutually loving relationship) working on whatever issues caused this desire to be apart in the first place and attempt at least once to make things work. No, ive never actually gone through the experience of having multiple breaks with a girlfriend, or taking breaks while we work on things, or getting an opportunity to hear whats wrong or whats missing so that I might be able to make changes or make things work. Nope, for me its always a surprise, boom, break, oh and by break I really meant indefinently and im not willing to work things out or tell you what was wrong or give you a chance to work on any issues I had, because i didnt tell you what they were (I kinda expected you to read my mind, and hoped they would fix themselves, but they didnt, and now im to tired to wait for things to get better, yes, i know you didnt know there was anything wrong in the first place, so how could you know things needed to get better, im sorry, thats just how it is), and by now I dont really want to wait while we do that. But you might ask, how could one party not realize anything was really wrong, and the other party be so definent that something was wrong that needed fixed or the relationship wasnt going to last? It's simple, misleading the other party, secrets, keeping secrets (lieing if you have to).
This is where the Easter card comes into play. So a week after we had broken up I find out that apparently she had felt that she had stopped loving me a few months before, around our 2nd anniversary or so (maybe earlier, maybe close to Valentines day). Now typically when one has these kind of feelings, it would be an indicator that they need to talk to their partner and share with them how they are feeling and talk about what to do and how to work on things, like how to rekindle the love, or make sure the love is felt, whatever....It is only fare to do that. What is unfair is to not tell your partner for months that you dont love them anymore. This not only is misleading, they cant read minds, they dont know what your thinking or how you feel (aside from the normal intuation that intimacy with someone brings), it is a extremely hurtful thing to be misleading to someone about. Even worse then not sharing with them this fact, is lieing to them, making them think quite the opposite. Now I can see if your trying to keep something like that secret (in hopes that things will resolve themselves and get fixed and there is no need to bring up the fact you dont love them anymore, because maybe you will magically start again out of the blue, which is completely bogus, and you should never do, its not going to happen that way, and its extremely WRONG to do to your partner) that you just dont tell them you love them very often, maybe enough as to not arouse suspicion that something is wrong with you. But when you give people cards saying you love them more than they can possibly know, and when you share that settlement with them on a regular basis, and constantly are ACTING like you are deeply in love with them, thats more than being misleading, thats outright lying to them and setting them up to fall hard of an emotional ladder. Your climbing up it with them and pushing them off at the top when you tell them months down the line that you hadnt loved them for some time, but had been lying to them about it in hopes things would magically get fixed or you could read there mind.
So you can see how one party could not know anything was seriously wrong, when the other party is ACTING and making them believe they have a very deep mutual love for each other and that things are hell in my case, the best they had been in a long time. And you can see how that would be quite the surprise and shock when one day you tell them you want to end it. As it was for, as I thought things were great, and getting better all the time, I mean our lives were not perfect, she had some problems that I thought was work and school and family related (As thats all I heard complaints of, as far as we were concerned all I heard was how much she loved me and how much I loved her and all the other lovely compliments and sentiments of love shared), but I didnt think our relationship had any major problems in it, definently not anything that would bring upon the end of it.
So please take this as a lesson people of what not to do in your relationships. Dont mislead your partner, if you feel the love is gone, talk to them, be honest with them. Honesty and communication is the foundation of a relationship, and without you dont have one. You are only being extremely unfair to your partner to lead them down months of false beliefs in a happy relationship and happy hopes for the future of your relationship when you full well know its going down hill. Dont expect things to magically get better, to get better without intervention, without
talking and working on problems that have brought about these changes in feelings. You cant possible imagine how much you hurt your partner doing that. There are few things I could possible imagine that could be as hurtful or more hurtful then lying to them like that and wasting there time believing in something your not commited to. One last thing, if you have feelings for someone else, or a crush on someone else perhaps as well, you need to make a choice. You need to either end your relationship (at which point you decided that everything you have had was not worth working towards an even brighter future or that you see no future and that you dont want anything more) and perhaps pursue that crush or interest in someone, or you need to take steps to not be tempted further with that person. You dont want to end up futher down the timeline at the point where youre not going to be happy until you know what the grass is like on the other side of the pasture. The more you think about this temptation, this person you have developed interest in, the less you are going to be interested in making your own relationship work, and devoting the kind of time and energy to it that it deserves and you owe your SO. So make the choice, end things, or end your attraction interest (change store locations, switch classes, whatever you need to do so that your not thinking
about them and wondering what if what if until you get to that point I talked about). Be fair to your partner, even if you dont feel towards them as you once did, the fact that you once did means you owe them the courtesy to show them respect and consideration in how you handle these matters.
On a side note..How do you go from loving someone more than they could possibly know..to having such strong hatred towards them to the point where you wont even talk to them, or respond to communications from them (and not just during a period where you upset or something for a couple days, no, Months, actual HATRED for them, like you have told them on a regular basis you wish they would pick up the shot gun already and shot yourself and get it over with and make their life easier, and throw in there you wish they burn in fucking hell and you fucking hate them. How do you go from so love to such hate, over such a relatively short period of time? Even more of a confusing event, how do you go from being amicable and casual friends with them, having nice talks, getting along friendly, etc..one day, and then the next going into this no talking to them mode,without any sort of event or arguement or anything to set it off? not that your aware of anyway, as the last time you spoke with them wsa a friendly conversation that went fine. How does that happen? These kind of things are beyond me, because hatred isnt my thing, I dont understand it. Ive never hated anyone, and will never hate anyone. I dont hold anything against anyone or hold grudges. I dont understand hate, and how one cant have hatred for someone. I can understand someone disliking someone, and preferring not to be friends with them, but hate is a much different thing. It is a much stronger, pure, emotion. Perhaps someone versed in Hate can share with me how there mind works to go from step a to step b here.
So when we broke at the end of June last year it came as a complete surprise to me. What was even more of a surprise was finding out like a week later (After we had seperated, which as with many breakups, arent called breakups at the beginning, they are called breaks, which would imply some period of break and then resuming of things, but what it really is..is that they feel it takes less courage to say that than come straight out that they want to break up indefinently. Which for me, its always indefinently. For some reason I guess im never worth (and more importantly, the long duration of time spent together, and long period of time there was a mutually loving relationship) working on whatever issues caused this desire to be apart in the first place and attempt at least once to make things work. No, ive never actually gone through the experience of having multiple breaks with a girlfriend, or taking breaks while we work on things, or getting an opportunity to hear whats wrong or whats missing so that I might be able to make changes or make things work. Nope, for me its always a surprise, boom, break, oh and by break I really meant indefinently and im not willing to work things out or tell you what was wrong or give you a chance to work on any issues I had, because i didnt tell you what they were (I kinda expected you to read my mind, and hoped they would fix themselves, but they didnt, and now im to tired to wait for things to get better, yes, i know you didnt know there was anything wrong in the first place, so how could you know things needed to get better, im sorry, thats just how it is), and by now I dont really want to wait while we do that. But you might ask, how could one party not realize anything was really wrong, and the other party be so definent that something was wrong that needed fixed or the relationship wasnt going to last? It's simple, misleading the other party, secrets, keeping secrets (lieing if you have to).
This is where the Easter card comes into play. So a week after we had broken up I find out that apparently she had felt that she had stopped loving me a few months before, around our 2nd anniversary or so (maybe earlier, maybe close to Valentines day). Now typically when one has these kind of feelings, it would be an indicator that they need to talk to their partner and share with them how they are feeling and talk about what to do and how to work on things, like how to rekindle the love, or make sure the love is felt, whatever....It is only fare to do that. What is unfair is to not tell your partner for months that you dont love them anymore. This not only is misleading, they cant read minds, they dont know what your thinking or how you feel (aside from the normal intuation that intimacy with someone brings), it is a extremely hurtful thing to be misleading to someone about. Even worse then not sharing with them this fact, is lieing to them, making them think quite the opposite. Now I can see if your trying to keep something like that secret (in hopes that things will resolve themselves and get fixed and there is no need to bring up the fact you dont love them anymore, because maybe you will magically start again out of the blue, which is completely bogus, and you should never do, its not going to happen that way, and its extremely WRONG to do to your partner) that you just dont tell them you love them very often, maybe enough as to not arouse suspicion that something is wrong with you. But when you give people cards saying you love them more than they can possibly know, and when you share that settlement with them on a regular basis, and constantly are ACTING like you are deeply in love with them, thats more than being misleading, thats outright lying to them and setting them up to fall hard of an emotional ladder. Your climbing up it with them and pushing them off at the top when you tell them months down the line that you hadnt loved them for some time, but had been lying to them about it in hopes things would magically get fixed or you could read there mind.
So you can see how one party could not know anything was seriously wrong, when the other party is ACTING and making them believe they have a very deep mutual love for each other and that things are hell in my case, the best they had been in a long time. And you can see how that would be quite the surprise and shock when one day you tell them you want to end it. As it was for, as I thought things were great, and getting better all the time, I mean our lives were not perfect, she had some problems that I thought was work and school and family related (As thats all I heard complaints of, as far as we were concerned all I heard was how much she loved me and how much I loved her and all the other lovely compliments and sentiments of love shared), but I didnt think our relationship had any major problems in it, definently not anything that would bring upon the end of it.
So please take this as a lesson people of what not to do in your relationships. Dont mislead your partner, if you feel the love is gone, talk to them, be honest with them. Honesty and communication is the foundation of a relationship, and without you dont have one. You are only being extremely unfair to your partner to lead them down months of false beliefs in a happy relationship and happy hopes for the future of your relationship when you full well know its going down hill. Dont expect things to magically get better, to get better without intervention, without
talking and working on problems that have brought about these changes in feelings. You cant possible imagine how much you hurt your partner doing that. There are few things I could possible imagine that could be as hurtful or more hurtful then lying to them like that and wasting there time believing in something your not commited to. One last thing, if you have feelings for someone else, or a crush on someone else perhaps as well, you need to make a choice. You need to either end your relationship (at which point you decided that everything you have had was not worth working towards an even brighter future or that you see no future and that you dont want anything more) and perhaps pursue that crush or interest in someone, or you need to take steps to not be tempted further with that person. You dont want to end up futher down the timeline at the point where youre not going to be happy until you know what the grass is like on the other side of the pasture. The more you think about this temptation, this person you have developed interest in, the less you are going to be interested in making your own relationship work, and devoting the kind of time and energy to it that it deserves and you owe your SO. So make the choice, end things, or end your attraction interest (change store locations, switch classes, whatever you need to do so that your not thinking
about them and wondering what if what if until you get to that point I talked about). Be fair to your partner, even if you dont feel towards them as you once did, the fact that you once did means you owe them the courtesy to show them respect and consideration in how you handle these matters.
On a side note..How do you go from loving someone more than they could possibly know..to having such strong hatred towards them to the point where you wont even talk to them, or respond to communications from them (and not just during a period where you upset or something for a couple days, no, Months, actual HATRED for them, like you have told them on a regular basis you wish they would pick up the shot gun already and shot yourself and get it over with and make their life easier, and throw in there you wish they burn in fucking hell and you fucking hate them. How do you go from so love to such hate, over such a relatively short period of time? Even more of a confusing event, how do you go from being amicable and casual friends with them, having nice talks, getting along friendly, etc..one day, and then the next going into this no talking to them mode,without any sort of event or arguement or anything to set it off? not that your aware of anyway, as the last time you spoke with them wsa a friendly conversation that went fine. How does that happen? These kind of things are beyond me, because hatred isnt my thing, I dont understand it. Ive never hated anyone, and will never hate anyone. I dont hold anything against anyone or hold grudges. I dont understand hate, and how one cant have hatred for someone. I can understand someone disliking someone, and preferring not to be friends with them, but hate is a much different thing. It is a much stronger, pure, emotion. Perhaps someone versed in Hate can share with me how there mind works to go from step a to step b here.