like an angel you ascend towards heaven till you shine light upon another life
I had the great opportunity to go to dinner monday night with a really wonderful girl. She has something about her that I have never seen in anyone else, something that intrigues me, something that excites me, something that makes me smile, smile like I mean it. It was sad however that given the circumstances in her life, she was not smiling. I did my best to listen yesterday, which people saying im not capable of doing, im a great talker, but not a good listener. I hope I did a good job listening, and I hope I had at least some impact in her mood, and in improving it. She deserves to be the happiest person on this earth, it is never good to see an angel fallen with feelings of no hope, for what is an angel but someone who is supposed to be hope and joy into peoples lives. I know she has done that for mine for years, for which I could never repay or give anough gratitude.
I used to write kind things about her like that everyday. Why did I stop, is it that i no longer felt that way or she no longer was as amazing of a person. No, not in the slightest, I have never felt anything but "wow, shock, complete amazement" about every aspect about her. Intelligence, Beauty. Personality. Loyality. Gregarious. Amicable. Outgoing. Fun. I wish I had done a better job of sharing with the world how great she is for longer then I did share on my livejournal. Part of it probably has to do with that I stopped righting in my livejournal so much, and then not at all really. Or that I felt everyone had to see what I did, everyone knew how great she was, whatever it was, My thoughts on her charecter have never wavered.
Aside from that, I didnt do alot last night, aside from working on her computer, which I think I have made alot of progress on. I have burned alot of my stuff off, made alot of free space. its hard to get stuff of mine of there, as i am not at her house everyday anymore, and really cant go there at all, at least not now, not for a long time anyway. So im trying to get as much off as I can at a time so I dont have to bother her to have her bring her entire computer to me. I hope i finally got the DVD burner and everything working.
I wish I was a stronger person. A better person. I wish that I could be the person I want to be, That I could be the person I am sometimes, but sometimes through the help of chemicals or medications giving me the extra strength i need to do what I need to do, what I want to d. I want to be the strong person that is there to say everything is alright, everything is going to be alright, To say I am happy, do not worry about me. That can say how happy I am that she is happy, that I can bestrong about how I feel about her being happy. Which is, if you love someone as strongly as I do you should want them to be happy under all circumstances, even if that means it is not you that makes her happy. Thats the hardest thing to do in the world. It makes you so completely sad, and so completely happy at the same time. You want nothing more than you to be that person, and the fact that its not makes you sad. the fact that you are sitting ther telling her to be strong in her pursuits of someone else, to be happy with someone else, is absolutely devestating. At the same time however it makes you so happy to see her smile or see her be happy in regards to this other person. It makes you feel good inside that she will be happy. I want to be the person that can sit there and be this person all the time, and sit there with a happy face saying im fine,that everything will be alright. I am not alway that strong though. I am sorry for not always being as strong as I would love to be. I am sorry for my moments of weakness. They do not change anything ive said though, i mean all of it. Do not let your self be unhappy because of me, because of worry about how hurt i am, I do not want that. If thats the case how are you any better off then you were when we were together, if im still making you unhappy.
It kills me to think that I will have to go away, one of us will have to go away if that will be the case, because I have worked so hard to make you happy. While i failed miserably the last while, I am not prepared to be responsible for it anyfurther. You deserve great happiness.
I am so very sorry for my shortcomings and failures as a lover, a boyfriend, a friend, a man. I hope for nothing more than you understand how sorry i am for making you feel how neglected you did. I take full responsibilty, and I deserve all the hurt and pain and difficulty I am dealing with now, I can only imagine it is but a small ammount compared to what you have delt with over the last year. I also hope you know and believe me that I really was ignorant about how things were. I sincerely did not now things were going how they were, that throughthe course of my actions your love for me had been gone for sometime, that you had been sticking it out in hopes of things getting better for some time. That I honesly didnt know that was the case. Ignorant me thought everything was great, that it was getting better all the time. Wow im stupid. I am sorry. If I only knew, I would like to think I could of been better for you. That you could of loved me like I love you.
To the sky you accend like the angel you are to brighten and motivate the life of another person, this tiger you leave behind greatful for the time he has had. You gave him the desire, the motivation, the energy to bring him out of where it life was, to make it better, to make him a better person. You changed so much in my life for the positive. You will always have a profound impact on this tiger. You will never be anything but the beautiful angel that I love and that is the great person I wish more than anything that you see what I see in you when you look in the mirror. May you be such a profound life changing experience for someone else, and do for them what you did for me. Do not ever forget to take care of your self though.
With Love always,
Tiger.
I used to write kind things about her like that everyday. Why did I stop, is it that i no longer felt that way or she no longer was as amazing of a person. No, not in the slightest, I have never felt anything but "wow, shock, complete amazement" about every aspect about her. Intelligence, Beauty. Personality. Loyality. Gregarious. Amicable. Outgoing. Fun. I wish I had done a better job of sharing with the world how great she is for longer then I did share on my livejournal. Part of it probably has to do with that I stopped righting in my livejournal so much, and then not at all really. Or that I felt everyone had to see what I did, everyone knew how great she was, whatever it was, My thoughts on her charecter have never wavered.
Aside from that, I didnt do alot last night, aside from working on her computer, which I think I have made alot of progress on. I have burned alot of my stuff off, made alot of free space. its hard to get stuff of mine of there, as i am not at her house everyday anymore, and really cant go there at all, at least not now, not for a long time anyway. So im trying to get as much off as I can at a time so I dont have to bother her to have her bring her entire computer to me. I hope i finally got the DVD burner and everything working.
I wish I was a stronger person. A better person. I wish that I could be the person I want to be, That I could be the person I am sometimes, but sometimes through the help of chemicals or medications giving me the extra strength i need to do what I need to do, what I want to d. I want to be the strong person that is there to say everything is alright, everything is going to be alright, To say I am happy, do not worry about me. That can say how happy I am that she is happy, that I can bestrong about how I feel about her being happy. Which is, if you love someone as strongly as I do you should want them to be happy under all circumstances, even if that means it is not you that makes her happy. Thats the hardest thing to do in the world. It makes you so completely sad, and so completely happy at the same time. You want nothing more than you to be that person, and the fact that its not makes you sad. the fact that you are sitting ther telling her to be strong in her pursuits of someone else, to be happy with someone else, is absolutely devestating. At the same time however it makes you so happy to see her smile or see her be happy in regards to this other person. It makes you feel good inside that she will be happy. I want to be the person that can sit there and be this person all the time, and sit there with a happy face saying im fine,that everything will be alright. I am not alway that strong though. I am sorry for not always being as strong as I would love to be. I am sorry for my moments of weakness. They do not change anything ive said though, i mean all of it. Do not let your self be unhappy because of me, because of worry about how hurt i am, I do not want that. If thats the case how are you any better off then you were when we were together, if im still making you unhappy.
It kills me to think that I will have to go away, one of us will have to go away if that will be the case, because I have worked so hard to make you happy. While i failed miserably the last while, I am not prepared to be responsible for it anyfurther. You deserve great happiness.
I am so very sorry for my shortcomings and failures as a lover, a boyfriend, a friend, a man. I hope for nothing more than you understand how sorry i am for making you feel how neglected you did. I take full responsibilty, and I deserve all the hurt and pain and difficulty I am dealing with now, I can only imagine it is but a small ammount compared to what you have delt with over the last year. I also hope you know and believe me that I really was ignorant about how things were. I sincerely did not now things were going how they were, that throughthe course of my actions your love for me had been gone for sometime, that you had been sticking it out in hopes of things getting better for some time. That I honesly didnt know that was the case. Ignorant me thought everything was great, that it was getting better all the time. Wow im stupid. I am sorry. If I only knew, I would like to think I could of been better for you. That you could of loved me like I love you.
To the sky you accend like the angel you are to brighten and motivate the life of another person, this tiger you leave behind greatful for the time he has had. You gave him the desire, the motivation, the energy to bring him out of where it life was, to make it better, to make him a better person. You changed so much in my life for the positive. You will always have a profound impact on this tiger. You will never be anything but the beautiful angel that I love and that is the great person I wish more than anything that you see what I see in you when you look in the mirror. May you be such a profound life changing experience for someone else, and do for them what you did for me. Do not ever forget to take care of your self though.
With Love always,
Tiger.