After Sex Conversations
Light from the alarm clock pierced the darkness. The blinds tried to conceal the orange glow from the street lamp on the corner. The sun had dried up and the darkness was cold. The room was cluttered and full but homely. The bed always makes one feel at home. Tonight, two souls drifted in and out of a draining tiredness that had consumed them. The chemistry hit high and sleep was the only cure. You could guess that one was falling swiftly asleep with a sort of smile on his dear face. So many times that night I just wanted to trace my finger along his face. I was afraid. I was holding back. I didn't want to fall any harder for someone I barely knew than I had. So I lied quietly and demented. I noticed that I had matched my breathing with his and yet my brain was exploding with the single thought of putting myself out there. I wanted to put my heart on my sleeve but I didn't want it to turn to stone either. I battled with myself. What may have been fifteen minutes seemed like enternity and I began to feel like the moment I had been waiting for to say something had just passed and I lost my chance. I think that is what gave me the courage to finally say it. I started to speak at first and I just opened my mouth and tried to just speak. I closed my mouth took a deep breath and tried again. I shattered the noisy silence with my exhuasted voice and said, "I really like you. I would love to hangout again sometime." And then I held my breath...
I spent the night with Patrick last night. It was nice. I really like that kid and I have since I first saw him at Cedar. From the advice of some of my friends and from trying to save myself from falling and hurting myself I decided to let him know how I felt. He said that was cool but he wanted to me to understand that there is this other guy he is crazy about and he's coming down to see him this weekend (so I guess he lives out of town or out of state). He said he apologized if he lead me on, but he thougth I was cute. I didn't like to hear that, but out of sheer, "well, I'll be fine without you" feeling, I told him about my infatuation with Christopher. Bummer. I want to find a guy who falls for me like I fall for them. I predict Patrick and I might get together again sometime. If we do, I'm not going to hold anything back just because he has a boyfriend. I'm going to enjoy myself and hopefully Patrick will too.
I got to go to work. But then Caledonia. Whoo! I want to dance my ass off to some HEROIC LIVERS! I brought tofu to work. Yay!
I spent the night with Patrick last night. It was nice. I really like that kid and I have since I first saw him at Cedar. From the advice of some of my friends and from trying to save myself from falling and hurting myself I decided to let him know how I felt. He said that was cool but he wanted to me to understand that there is this other guy he is crazy about and he's coming down to see him this weekend (so I guess he lives out of town or out of state). He said he apologized if he lead me on, but he thougth I was cute. I didn't like to hear that, but out of sheer, "well, I'll be fine without you" feeling, I told him about my infatuation with Christopher. Bummer. I want to find a guy who falls for me like I fall for them. I predict Patrick and I might get together again sometime. If we do, I'm not going to hold anything back just because he has a boyfriend. I'm going to enjoy myself and hopefully Patrick will too.
I got to go to work. But then Caledonia. Whoo! I want to dance my ass off to some HEROIC LIVERS! I brought tofu to work. Yay!