small town trap with dreams of breaking out __all_of_me__
Thanksgiving vacation how I loathe thee. The intention I had when going to college was to be as far away from home as possible and not be living on the streets. Scholarship to Hastings and it was the dream of dreams. Cocky kid from Oklahoma fits in well in Nebraska, not too much apart from what I’m used to but enough to give me a feeling of self, independence and all that.
Every time I get a letter from mom I want to find my way back home and kick the living shit out of whatever asshole in her life this week, though no asshole outranks the one who raised me. His death should have affected me somehow; all I really felt was relief. Call me sick but knowing he died painfully gave me a slight happy. What can I say? The man did everything he could do to make my life miserable, not to mention the way he treated my mother, I don’t get all weepy thinking about it.
As much as I love my mother I resent her because she surrounds herself with carbon copies of the bastard. They treat her wrong, hit her, spend her money and are general fuck ups. I never blamed her for taking dad’s shit, but I blame her for taking new shit from new assholes. She has a choice; she knows what they are like before she takes them in.
One day I’m going to get her out of that stupid little town and she’s not going to have to worry about anything else ever again. She’ll be sitting pretty drinking jack and playing bridge or some other fucking card game that will pass the time. She won’t have to worry about working long hours or getting good tips, letting assholes grab her ass. I love my mother, but I hate my mother.
Not as much as I hate this town, even my old friends from high school are too much to deal with. Don’t they want to get out of this place? It’s like a trap, holding you in giving you only what you think you need, vice grip of an early death; small town trap.
Mom’s insistence that I come home and meet her newest boyfriend pretty much sent a pit of nastiness into my stomach; but sometimes you just can’t say no, and because of my fucking landlord I have to be out of the apartment while he gets a stupid roach infestation taken care of. Not that I want to live with roaches, I just want to keep myself as far away from this godforsaken town.
So here I am in my beat up old truck going on a fucking grocery run, with my money no less, it’s so good to be home. It’s enough that she keeps asking about classes, how much law school is going to cost and her boyfriend being a general pain in my ass, but she expects me to give up my money for beer for some guy?
I’m here aren’t I?
There are some things that a son should never have to do, and watching my mother waste away is one of those things. At least in my opinion; being forced to go ‘visit’ my father is another one, but she hasn’t gotten away with that recently.
I try to avoid the stares I get inside, just grab the stupid beer and get the hell out of there, I’m in no mood to have someone ask me about mom or how school’s going. I don’t need a reminder that if I fuck up I’m back here bagging groceries or working at the mill. I deserve better than this town has to offer. Most of the people here don’t, but that’s not the point, I just want out. Old friends are useless, they can’t see themselves anywhere but here, and I know this place will kill me if I stay.
I threw the six-pack into the passenger seat and realize pulled out of the parking lot. My favorite coffee shop came into view and I decide to pull over and grab a cup. I may hate this town, but there are some things I miss. Like Mae’s coffee, best damn coffee you’ll find in the states, well that’s what I imagine, not like I’ve been anywhere else besides school.
I hopped out of the cab and headed towards the door. The street was more crowded than I’d remembered, but I just shook the thoughts away, I’d have to make it through the week so I’d have no choice but to come back here at least twice a day, mom couldn’t make coffee if her life depended on it.
I was almost to the door when I heard a muffled yelp, a girl had dropped her bag and was crouching down to pick up her things, every damn person that walked by paid no attention to her, motherfuckers.
I walked over to her and bent down to help her grab her things, school books and things like that. My hand grazed hers and I felt an odd sensation start in my spine and travel up. What the hell?
She looked up and I met her eyes, holy shit. She was beautiful, natural beauty accented by those eyes; there was so much in her eyes that I almost fell backwards with the intensity of them. As stupid and corny as it sounds she literally looked like an angel and I felt myself shiver inside. How could I completely write off this town when there was someone like her here?
I may be an asshole, but I do have some common decency.
“You got everything?” I asked dumbly. I was not a guy who tripped over words. In all honesty if I was anything it would be something along the lines of a player, girls were in and out of my apartment when I wasn’t busy with class. Seeing beautiful women never really did much to me, yet here I was, standing like an idiot in the middle of Main Street. Mae was probably looking out from inside hoping to warn this girl about my foul nature.
She blushed deeply and I couldn’t help but smile wider. There was something a little familiar about her but I couldn’t put my finger on it. If she was local that would explain it, I’d probably seen her around somewhere or something. But how could I have never noticed her before now?
Never said I was all that smart when it came to things that could actually be good for me. Did I just think that? She hasn’t even spoken yet and here I am.
Every time I get a letter from mom I want to find my way back home and kick the living shit out of whatever asshole in her life this week, though no asshole outranks the one who raised me. His death should have affected me somehow; all I really felt was relief. Call me sick but knowing he died painfully gave me a slight happy. What can I say? The man did everything he could do to make my life miserable, not to mention the way he treated my mother, I don’t get all weepy thinking about it.
As much as I love my mother I resent her because she surrounds herself with carbon copies of the bastard. They treat her wrong, hit her, spend her money and are general fuck ups. I never blamed her for taking dad’s shit, but I blame her for taking new shit from new assholes. She has a choice; she knows what they are like before she takes them in.
One day I’m going to get her out of that stupid little town and she’s not going to have to worry about anything else ever again. She’ll be sitting pretty drinking jack and playing bridge or some other fucking card game that will pass the time. She won’t have to worry about working long hours or getting good tips, letting assholes grab her ass. I love my mother, but I hate my mother.
Not as much as I hate this town, even my old friends from high school are too much to deal with. Don’t they want to get out of this place? It’s like a trap, holding you in giving you only what you think you need, vice grip of an early death; small town trap.
Mom’s insistence that I come home and meet her newest boyfriend pretty much sent a pit of nastiness into my stomach; but sometimes you just can’t say no, and because of my fucking landlord I have to be out of the apartment while he gets a stupid roach infestation taken care of. Not that I want to live with roaches, I just want to keep myself as far away from this godforsaken town.
So here I am in my beat up old truck going on a fucking grocery run, with my money no less, it’s so good to be home. It’s enough that she keeps asking about classes, how much law school is going to cost and her boyfriend being a general pain in my ass, but she expects me to give up my money for beer for some guy?
I’m here aren’t I?
There are some things that a son should never have to do, and watching my mother waste away is one of those things. At least in my opinion; being forced to go ‘visit’ my father is another one, but she hasn’t gotten away with that recently.
I try to avoid the stares I get inside, just grab the stupid beer and get the hell out of there, I’m in no mood to have someone ask me about mom or how school’s going. I don’t need a reminder that if I fuck up I’m back here bagging groceries or working at the mill. I deserve better than this town has to offer. Most of the people here don’t, but that’s not the point, I just want out. Old friends are useless, they can’t see themselves anywhere but here, and I know this place will kill me if I stay.
I threw the six-pack into the passenger seat and realize pulled out of the parking lot. My favorite coffee shop came into view and I decide to pull over and grab a cup. I may hate this town, but there are some things I miss. Like Mae’s coffee, best damn coffee you’ll find in the states, well that’s what I imagine, not like I’ve been anywhere else besides school.
I hopped out of the cab and headed towards the door. The street was more crowded than I’d remembered, but I just shook the thoughts away, I’d have to make it through the week so I’d have no choice but to come back here at least twice a day, mom couldn’t make coffee if her life depended on it.
I was almost to the door when I heard a muffled yelp, a girl had dropped her bag and was crouching down to pick up her things, every damn person that walked by paid no attention to her, motherfuckers.
I walked over to her and bent down to help her grab her things, school books and things like that. My hand grazed hers and I felt an odd sensation start in my spine and travel up. What the hell?
She looked up and I met her eyes, holy shit. She was beautiful, natural beauty accented by those eyes; there was so much in her eyes that I almost fell backwards with the intensity of them. As stupid and corny as it sounds she literally looked like an angel and I felt myself shiver inside. How could I completely write off this town when there was someone like her here?
I may be an asshole, but I do have some common decency.
“You got everything?” I asked dumbly. I was not a guy who tripped over words. In all honesty if I was anything it would be something along the lines of a player, girls were in and out of my apartment when I wasn’t busy with class. Seeing beautiful women never really did much to me, yet here I was, standing like an idiot in the middle of Main Street. Mae was probably looking out from inside hoping to warn this girl about my foul nature.
She blushed deeply and I couldn’t help but smile wider. There was something a little familiar about her but I couldn’t put my finger on it. If she was local that would explain it, I’d probably seen her around somewhere or something. But how could I have never noticed her before now?
Never said I was all that smart when it came to things that could actually be good for me. Did I just think that? She hasn’t even spoken yet and here I am.