I live for..
some people, the Colbert Report, World of Warcraft, Kingdom hearts 2, general cynicism, and the darkness your tainted, tainted souls produce that I package in cigarettes and sell (tax free on indian reservations) can't say that there's anything else that motivates me, except for maybe sex, but thats just frued, and since I have no source of that I could mine or harvest, all my psychological energies are being devoted to thinking of something other than that really really neutral sensation you get when you peaked a few times in life and you're kinda buckling down for something bad to happen. I've had a real good life recently. This is a bad thing, cause it's cyclical, all I keep thinking about is "when is this going to turn to shit?" Then I feel sorta deeply paranoid that the world gonna go through some fast paced metamorphosis. Kinda makes me wonder if I want it to. I've regularly dissapppointed my family, friends, academic institutions, and federal government. So I'm certain something horribles gonna happen, then my brain at least will be to preoccupied with a problem that it won't quite realize how painfully dull living day to day can be. Maybe this is just the lack of sleep talkin. If not then it sucks that I can realize the problem and have no motivation to fix it. come to think of it for optimisms sake I think I'm wrong.