(no subject)
Was just watching an episode of 'Dating in the Dark' (It's real interesting. . .but it made me sad)
Makes me wonder if I'm going to find my special person. Soon. I know I'm young but frankly I'm tired of waiting. I'm tired of people judging me for not being skinny and therefore not even giving me a chance. I know not everyone's like that. The dating site I've been prodding around proves it, I have full body, different pictures on there and I still get told I'm beautiful and awesome and 'every guys secret dream' (one guy said that, too bad he lives in Florida heh). . . That SHOULD help my esteem but. . I just. . I don't know.
I worry that if I did meet someone from there (which no none of that is being planned yet) that they'd be unhappy when they saw me. Like this tv show, they only knew each other from the dark .. . then they finally get to see ONE person they connected with. And one couple who really connected. . She left him there. He saw her leave and he started to cry. And he wasn't a bad looking guy! AT ALL. Sorry for not being a super model. My goodness.
I know not everyone is like that. But it still makes me unsure if I'm going to find MY guy. I will say since I've lost so much weight this year? More people will talk to me. I still haven't had it carry on to a location besides. . school or standing in line somewhere but it's progress.
Ya'll remember me going on and on about Keiran? I can't help but think, if I was thinner, 'prettier' then he would have been receptive. It's like. . He liked my personality a lot (and I liked his!) and so we got along WONDERFULLY in the classroom. But then . . once I invited him to go elsewhere, he pretty much ignored me.
I know the point is to find someone who doesn't give a crap about that sort of thing but it still hurts me. It's not like how it used to be, like high school where people to make sure to point out to me that I was overweight, as if I didn't know that, and I would cry and be upset. If I get that now it's not so bad. What IS a huge disappointment is when I find someone who really likes me, but can't seem to move past looks to even give me a chance. Even just HANG OUT with me. I insist to myself 'well you don't want someone like that anyway' but I can't shake off the hurt easily.
I know I sound desperate and needy and blah blah blah . . Well it's how I feel. Woe is me yadda yadda yadda. . . All that stupid stuff. It might also help if I had friends I could actually see. . . Might take away some of my loneliness to begin with.
I'm not bitter though, at the same time. Really. It's more of a siiiiigh thing than me getting angry. I love seeing love/romance stories and seeing them work out, it gives me hope.
Someday.
Makes me wonder if I'm going to find my special person. Soon. I know I'm young but frankly I'm tired of waiting. I'm tired of people judging me for not being skinny and therefore not even giving me a chance. I know not everyone's like that. The dating site I've been prodding around proves it, I have full body, different pictures on there and I still get told I'm beautiful and awesome and 'every guys secret dream' (one guy said that, too bad he lives in Florida heh). . . That SHOULD help my esteem but. . I just. . I don't know.
I worry that if I did meet someone from there (which no none of that is being planned yet) that they'd be unhappy when they saw me. Like this tv show, they only knew each other from the dark .. . then they finally get to see ONE person they connected with. And one couple who really connected. . She left him there. He saw her leave and he started to cry. And he wasn't a bad looking guy! AT ALL. Sorry for not being a super model. My goodness.
I know not everyone is like that. But it still makes me unsure if I'm going to find MY guy. I will say since I've lost so much weight this year? More people will talk to me. I still haven't had it carry on to a location besides. . school or standing in line somewhere but it's progress.
Ya'll remember me going on and on about Keiran? I can't help but think, if I was thinner, 'prettier' then he would have been receptive. It's like. . He liked my personality a lot (and I liked his!) and so we got along WONDERFULLY in the classroom. But then . . once I invited him to go elsewhere, he pretty much ignored me.
I know the point is to find someone who doesn't give a crap about that sort of thing but it still hurts me. It's not like how it used to be, like high school where people to make sure to point out to me that I was overweight, as if I didn't know that, and I would cry and be upset. If I get that now it's not so bad. What IS a huge disappointment is when I find someone who really likes me, but can't seem to move past looks to even give me a chance. Even just HANG OUT with me. I insist to myself 'well you don't want someone like that anyway' but I can't shake off the hurt easily.
I know I sound desperate and needy and blah blah blah . . Well it's how I feel. Woe is me yadda yadda yadda. . . All that stupid stuff. It might also help if I had friends I could actually see. . . Might take away some of my loneliness to begin with.
I'm not bitter though, at the same time. Really. It's more of a siiiiigh thing than me getting angry. I love seeing love/romance stories and seeing them work out, it gives me hope.
Someday.