LJ Idol Season 10, Week 11: The Blue Hour
Jazz rolled onto his side, a quiet whimper escaping him as he snuggled further into the covers. Some part of him had expected an additional source of warmth -- a body to curl closer to, but the bed was suspiciously empty. With an even quieter groan, Jazz opened his eyes and pushed himself upright, one hand rubbing the sleep away from his eyes as he yawned.
“Devin?” he called, his voice wavering a little under the after-effects of sleep. He blinked at the empty space beside him, shivering as a cold draft weaved its way through the hotel room. When he looked up, it was first towards the bathroom, where he noted that the door sat wide open and that the light was off.
Swallowing his twisting stomach, Jazz slid out from underneath the covers, slipping on a pair of sweatpants he knew had to be his, because Devin would never. He scooped up a shirt and threw it over his head, tugging it into place as he noticed the fluttering heavy curtains by the balcony doors. As quietly as he could, he approached the likely open balcony doors and pushed the curtains aside, bracing himself against the cold winter air.
He almost opened his mouth to speak, but the sight of Devin sitting on the balcony rail stopped him. Devin’s head was turned towards the city, his shoulders pressed against the wall dividing Jazz’s balcony from the balcony of the suite next door. One foot scuffed at the floor, and Devin’s other leg was bent at the knee and hugged close to his chest.
There was hardly any from the waning moon, so low on the horizon Jazz couldn’t see it anymore. The sky had lightened some, hinting that dawn was well on its way. But still, what little light there was illuminated Devin; made him glow in such a way Jazz’s heart ached at the sight.
His lungs tightened and Jazz shook his head, clearing it as best as he could as he wrapped his arms around himself, shivering against the wind.
“Aren’t you cold, sweetheart?” Jazz asked, raising an eyebrow. He stepped out onto concrete, his toes protesting him doing it without having put any shoes on. “It’s freezing out here.”
Devin tensed a little at the sound of Jazz’s voice, but shook his head. “Nuh uh,” he managed, his teeth clicking together even as he tried to suppress his own shivering.
Jazz snorted at that, shaking his head again as he tried to hide his quiet laugh. He padded over to Devin, sliding an arm around his front, careful to pull Devin closer towards him, just in case. “It’s dangerous for you to be sitting on the railing like that, isn’t it?” he murmured, pressing a light kiss to the edge of Devin’s jaw.
“Mm.” Devin’s attention never once shifted from the city. Jazz found himself following Devin’s gaze, looking out at the buildings rising into the sky -- how most of them were still lit up, despite the late hour. As for the sky itself, he could hardly make out any starlight -- not that he would have in the Empire, either, had he been back home.
“You couldn’t sleep, could you?” Jazz pressed, nudging Devin’s chin towards him.
Devin just shook his head, and Jazz tightened his arm around Devin’s front and snuggled closer, burying his face against Devin’s shoulder and closing his eyes. “I’m sorry. I wish I knew how to help,” he said, still keeping his voice low.
“Stay,” Devin said, the word choked and desperate. “Just… don’t go back.”
“I have to go back,” Jazz said, grimacing at how the words tasted on his tongue. He didn’t necessarily have to. He had no family back in the Empire, and soon he’d have no job tying him to his native country, either. But...
“Why?” Devin all but whined. “Gonna step down anyway, yeah?”
“Even if I’m not working for Emperor Cruz anymore, I can’t -- Devin, you know I’d never be able to stay here…” Cliffton wasn’t exactly an easy nation to move into. They hardly let outsiders in; the fact that he’d visited the country more than once was a feat most of the world couldn’t claim -- and with no official ties to the Emperor’s Council, it was unlikely that they’d let Jazz back in, let alone let him stay. And as tempting as it was to be an illegal immigrant, he knew being one would only put him in harm’s way.
Devin nodded. The two of them fell into silence after that, Jazz wishing more than anything he knew what to say. It was his decision that had led them to where they were right now: watching the sky gradually lighten and dreading the inevitable rise of the sun. Why couldn't he make it any easier for them both to take?
“Could just get rid of her, too,” Devin said eventually, his words trembling just a tiny bit.
“Getting rid of her just means I’d be fucking Emperor.” Jazz closed his eyes, his feet going numb as he and Devin both shivered against the desert winter air. “You know that’s the absolute last fucking thing I want.”
He braced himself for Devin’s response; they’d been doing this dance since Jazz had wept into Devin’s chest that he couldn’t work for Cruz anymore. That he couldn’t support a fraud. Years ago, he would’ve welcomed discovering that his Emperor had committed crimes worthy of impeachment; he shuddered at the thought of it now.
Having as much power as he did now as the Emperor’s Head of Council was already too much; it had warped him, ruined him and he wanted nothing more than to just… be himself, again. So maybe he could salvage what little of himself he still had.
Devin’s shoulders slumped, a quiet sigh escaping him a moment later. Defeated, he turned his head towards Jazz’s and slid his arm around Jazz’s back, pushing himself off the railing, onto his feet, and into Jazz’s embrace. He bent his head down, burying his face in Jazz’s hair. “Think Wes’s dad could sneak me into the Empire?”
Jazz laughed, the sound hollow. “Jansen needs you here, sweetheart,” he said, tilting his head back so he could meet Devin’s eyes. “I’ll find a way back here, okay? It might take me a few years, but -- I’ll come back to Cliffton and we’ll be able to see each other again in person, I promise.”
“Can’t fucking promise me that,” Devin said, his expression closed off and distant. He bent forward, brushing his lips against Jazz’s.
“I know, but…” Jazz sighed and lifted a hand to Devin’s cheek. “I love you. I’m not going to let this be the last time I see you in person. I found a way once already, you know? I’m gonna do my best to find another.”
Devin nodded, his eyes fixed on Jazz’s and dark. He then turned back towards the open balcony -- towards where it was becoming more obvious that the sun was rising -- and swallowed. “Wanna watch the sunrise with me?” he asked, his voice strained and quiet.
Jazz glanced down at his numb toes and shivered against the wind that never once seemed to relent. He then glanced out at the horizon; at the band of light at the edge of it before turning to Devin again, a small, sincere smile making its way across his lips. “Yes,” he answered. “Let’s just -- grab a blanket or something. It’s fucking cold.”
“Chairs, too,” Devin said, glancing inside the hotel room. “Railing’s kinda small -- not real comfortable, either…”
Jazz laughed, tugging Devin inside with him. “Didn’t look like it was, no,” he said. They grabbed a couple of chairs and pushed them through the balcony doors before Jazz pulled the blanket free from the bed. He then settled in the empty seat and scooted it closer to Devin’s own, wrapping the blanket around them both as best as he could.
Fingers tangled together and with Jazz’s head resting against Devin’s shoulder, the two of them faced the new day in companionable silence.
“Devin?” he called, his voice wavering a little under the after-effects of sleep. He blinked at the empty space beside him, shivering as a cold draft weaved its way through the hotel room. When he looked up, it was first towards the bathroom, where he noted that the door sat wide open and that the light was off.
Swallowing his twisting stomach, Jazz slid out from underneath the covers, slipping on a pair of sweatpants he knew had to be his, because Devin would never. He scooped up a shirt and threw it over his head, tugging it into place as he noticed the fluttering heavy curtains by the balcony doors. As quietly as he could, he approached the likely open balcony doors and pushed the curtains aside, bracing himself against the cold winter air.
He almost opened his mouth to speak, but the sight of Devin sitting on the balcony rail stopped him. Devin’s head was turned towards the city, his shoulders pressed against the wall dividing Jazz’s balcony from the balcony of the suite next door. One foot scuffed at the floor, and Devin’s other leg was bent at the knee and hugged close to his chest.
There was hardly any from the waning moon, so low on the horizon Jazz couldn’t see it anymore. The sky had lightened some, hinting that dawn was well on its way. But still, what little light there was illuminated Devin; made him glow in such a way Jazz’s heart ached at the sight.
His lungs tightened and Jazz shook his head, clearing it as best as he could as he wrapped his arms around himself, shivering against the wind.
“Aren’t you cold, sweetheart?” Jazz asked, raising an eyebrow. He stepped out onto concrete, his toes protesting him doing it without having put any shoes on. “It’s freezing out here.”
Devin tensed a little at the sound of Jazz’s voice, but shook his head. “Nuh uh,” he managed, his teeth clicking together even as he tried to suppress his own shivering.
Jazz snorted at that, shaking his head again as he tried to hide his quiet laugh. He padded over to Devin, sliding an arm around his front, careful to pull Devin closer towards him, just in case. “It’s dangerous for you to be sitting on the railing like that, isn’t it?” he murmured, pressing a light kiss to the edge of Devin’s jaw.
“Mm.” Devin’s attention never once shifted from the city. Jazz found himself following Devin’s gaze, looking out at the buildings rising into the sky -- how most of them were still lit up, despite the late hour. As for the sky itself, he could hardly make out any starlight -- not that he would have in the Empire, either, had he been back home.
“You couldn’t sleep, could you?” Jazz pressed, nudging Devin’s chin towards him.
Devin just shook his head, and Jazz tightened his arm around Devin’s front and snuggled closer, burying his face against Devin’s shoulder and closing his eyes. “I’m sorry. I wish I knew how to help,” he said, still keeping his voice low.
“Stay,” Devin said, the word choked and desperate. “Just… don’t go back.”
“I have to go back,” Jazz said, grimacing at how the words tasted on his tongue. He didn’t necessarily have to. He had no family back in the Empire, and soon he’d have no job tying him to his native country, either. But...
“Why?” Devin all but whined. “Gonna step down anyway, yeah?”
“Even if I’m not working for Emperor Cruz anymore, I can’t -- Devin, you know I’d never be able to stay here…” Cliffton wasn’t exactly an easy nation to move into. They hardly let outsiders in; the fact that he’d visited the country more than once was a feat most of the world couldn’t claim -- and with no official ties to the Emperor’s Council, it was unlikely that they’d let Jazz back in, let alone let him stay. And as tempting as it was to be an illegal immigrant, he knew being one would only put him in harm’s way.
Devin nodded. The two of them fell into silence after that, Jazz wishing more than anything he knew what to say. It was his decision that had led them to where they were right now: watching the sky gradually lighten and dreading the inevitable rise of the sun. Why couldn't he make it any easier for them both to take?
“Could just get rid of her, too,” Devin said eventually, his words trembling just a tiny bit.
“Getting rid of her just means I’d be fucking Emperor.” Jazz closed his eyes, his feet going numb as he and Devin both shivered against the desert winter air. “You know that’s the absolute last fucking thing I want.”
He braced himself for Devin’s response; they’d been doing this dance since Jazz had wept into Devin’s chest that he couldn’t work for Cruz anymore. That he couldn’t support a fraud. Years ago, he would’ve welcomed discovering that his Emperor had committed crimes worthy of impeachment; he shuddered at the thought of it now.
Having as much power as he did now as the Emperor’s Head of Council was already too much; it had warped him, ruined him and he wanted nothing more than to just… be himself, again. So maybe he could salvage what little of himself he still had.
Devin’s shoulders slumped, a quiet sigh escaping him a moment later. Defeated, he turned his head towards Jazz’s and slid his arm around Jazz’s back, pushing himself off the railing, onto his feet, and into Jazz’s embrace. He bent his head down, burying his face in Jazz’s hair. “Think Wes’s dad could sneak me into the Empire?”
Jazz laughed, the sound hollow. “Jansen needs you here, sweetheart,” he said, tilting his head back so he could meet Devin’s eyes. “I’ll find a way back here, okay? It might take me a few years, but -- I’ll come back to Cliffton and we’ll be able to see each other again in person, I promise.”
“Can’t fucking promise me that,” Devin said, his expression closed off and distant. He bent forward, brushing his lips against Jazz’s.
“I know, but…” Jazz sighed and lifted a hand to Devin’s cheek. “I love you. I’m not going to let this be the last time I see you in person. I found a way once already, you know? I’m gonna do my best to find another.”
Devin nodded, his eyes fixed on Jazz’s and dark. He then turned back towards the open balcony -- towards where it was becoming more obvious that the sun was rising -- and swallowed. “Wanna watch the sunrise with me?” he asked, his voice strained and quiet.
Jazz glanced down at his numb toes and shivered against the wind that never once seemed to relent. He then glanced out at the horizon; at the band of light at the edge of it before turning to Devin again, a small, sincere smile making its way across his lips. “Yes,” he answered. “Let’s just -- grab a blanket or something. It’s fucking cold.”
“Chairs, too,” Devin said, glancing inside the hotel room. “Railing’s kinda small -- not real comfortable, either…”
Jazz laughed, tugging Devin inside with him. “Didn’t look like it was, no,” he said. They grabbed a couple of chairs and pushed them through the balcony doors before Jazz pulled the blanket free from the bed. He then settled in the empty seat and scooted it closer to Devin’s own, wrapping the blanket around them both as best as he could.
Fingers tangled together and with Jazz’s head resting against Devin’s shoulder, the two of them faced the new day in companionable silence.