weird.
i'm not sure what it is...maybe the fact i don't want to get stuck into watching the last two episodes of xfiles and that i actually WANT to go to bed(some time before 5 am if xfiles was the case)...so i'm trying to convince myself that sleeping would be good....but enya isn't making me sleepy...i love that woman...but for some reason i get really thoughtful listening to her.
and for me thoughtful right now ends up with me wanting to write letters, on lovely stationary, to all the people i have ever wronged. i go through spells of that...i bet people about to die feel something of that sort. last time i got really thoughtful i started missing my research in cryptozoology, and...you get the picture...
yeaaaaaahhhh...
....anyways...
it's not at all like confessing my sins to anyone, or any kind of 'oh hey by the way...this one time...' kind of thing...it's a lot more like...listen, i fucked up, i wronged you, we both know it, i didn't mean to. i don't mean for a lot of things...type deal. expecially if i think it could/has fucked people up in the head, or some how ruined a part of their life no matter how miniscule. it's kind of like making amends with people. no, i'm not feeling guilty...not that i really ever do, and when i do i end up fasting for a week, but just because i don't feel bad for something i've done doesn't mean it hasn't hurt people...and as we all know i don't like seeing people distressed. i w ant them to be as happy and see the world and experience the things i do...i know it's not really possible...but that's a dream of mine.
i also discouvered on my days off that throwing a cigarette butt out your window is something you can go to jail for...
no, i didn't go to jail.
no, i didn't get a fine.
apparently something is to be said about "being a cute couple" even when you're not.
hey man...whatever it takes to get off the hook right?
tell them what they want to hear.
i hate not being able to read people some times.
i also hate knowing things that other people should know, but they shouldn't hear from me.
some people...
when i get in this mood i also start thinking about all the people i love i don't nearly spend enough time with...or that i don't think they understand how much they mean to me. it's really weird.
like right now...i really miss josh.
weird.
i've lost some weight and it's awesome.
oh yeah in case you didn't hear i'm single again.
i wrote a nice little thing about why and what not, then decided to delete it. i think i'm the only one that would find humour in it.
oh man..i'm totally going to wake up early enough to watch some cartoons before work tomorrow.
the company is up for sale again. we're not getting any new product for a while.
you know...if something happens and the company folds and we find ourselves jobless...i'm going to move somewhere.
i realized on thursday, once again out of town, that the only reason i haven't relocated is that i haven't been given a reason to. no one has said for me to move with them...no one has convinced me of it.
i guess that is what i'm waiting for...and this weird thing with guys that live in distance...it's not that i seek them. i meet them all in my city generally, or at an event they could be from anywhere...i just find myself really clicking with those not from these parts. just no one has asked me to move away with them...it's kind of an odd request i guess. i do it all the time, and people want to...why doesn't some one do that with me? it would have to be some one i'd want a relationship with or a best friend type.
it's a ballzy request to make. but not an unreasonable one.
i crave the next great adventure...whatever that may be.
and for me thoughtful right now ends up with me wanting to write letters, on lovely stationary, to all the people i have ever wronged. i go through spells of that...i bet people about to die feel something of that sort. last time i got really thoughtful i started missing my research in cryptozoology, and...you get the picture...
yeaaaaaahhhh...
....anyways...
it's not at all like confessing my sins to anyone, or any kind of 'oh hey by the way...this one time...' kind of thing...it's a lot more like...listen, i fucked up, i wronged you, we both know it, i didn't mean to. i don't mean for a lot of things...type deal. expecially if i think it could/has fucked people up in the head, or some how ruined a part of their life no matter how miniscule. it's kind of like making amends with people. no, i'm not feeling guilty...not that i really ever do, and when i do i end up fasting for a week, but just because i don't feel bad for something i've done doesn't mean it hasn't hurt people...and as we all know i don't like seeing people distressed. i w ant them to be as happy and see the world and experience the things i do...i know it's not really possible...but that's a dream of mine.
i also discouvered on my days off that throwing a cigarette butt out your window is something you can go to jail for...
no, i didn't go to jail.
no, i didn't get a fine.
apparently something is to be said about "being a cute couple" even when you're not.
hey man...whatever it takes to get off the hook right?
tell them what they want to hear.
i hate not being able to read people some times.
i also hate knowing things that other people should know, but they shouldn't hear from me.
some people...
when i get in this mood i also start thinking about all the people i love i don't nearly spend enough time with...or that i don't think they understand how much they mean to me. it's really weird.
like right now...i really miss josh.
weird.
i've lost some weight and it's awesome.
oh yeah in case you didn't hear i'm single again.
i wrote a nice little thing about why and what not, then decided to delete it. i think i'm the only one that would find humour in it.
oh man..i'm totally going to wake up early enough to watch some cartoons before work tomorrow.
the company is up for sale again. we're not getting any new product for a while.
you know...if something happens and the company folds and we find ourselves jobless...i'm going to move somewhere.
i realized on thursday, once again out of town, that the only reason i haven't relocated is that i haven't been given a reason to. no one has said for me to move with them...no one has convinced me of it.
i guess that is what i'm waiting for...and this weird thing with guys that live in distance...it's not that i seek them. i meet them all in my city generally, or at an event they could be from anywhere...i just find myself really clicking with those not from these parts. just no one has asked me to move away with them...it's kind of an odd request i guess. i do it all the time, and people want to...why doesn't some one do that with me? it would have to be some one i'd want a relationship with or a best friend type.
it's a ballzy request to make. but not an unreasonable one.
i crave the next great adventure...whatever that may be.