Junior Year End Thoughts
Holy frick, junior year is almost over. I can wholeheartedly conclude, which for someone who is never completely sure about anything is quite a statement, that this year was the best year ever. Though the year was the hardest ever, enduring sleepless nights to finish essays, quite frankly, it was worth it. The end of the hall... I could never describe it the eccentricity, the talent, the knowledge, the sheer geekiness, nerdiness, and/or otakuness, the unique personalities and the way they bounce off each other there and do it full justice.
The class of 07 was what defined my high school experience. Without them, I can honestly say I would have hated high school. I could go into how the seniors and the end of the hall were awesome, but I think I'll refrain from it. I will offer a short summary though; it was the one and only place where I have ever felt I belonged. I had never experienced such a feeling before and I doubt I shall ever feel it again, now that they are gone. The feeling of displacement, not feeling as if you fit in, the feeling that everyone around you didn't understand you, didn't have the same priorities as you was only washed away by the end of the hall.
May, especially, was a good month for me. It was the first good month for a looooonnngggggg time. I could, and still can, feel myself changing. With the seniors gone, someone must step in to fill their shoes, follow their footsteps, ect. Evidentially, since I'm pretty much the only and the oldest member around, I got the job. In my current state, I would make a poor successor, but the departure of the seniors seen to have catalyzed some sort of personality change in me. In my bid to become more interesting, I have unleashed one of my old personalities, the active, fun one, suppressed since the conclusion of 5th grade. I feel as if I live again. The change in perspective amazes me. The freshness of every thought and the emotions, the feelings, are indescribable. It is as if they are painting color back into my life, where before there were only shades of gray. It is a strange feeling indeed to feel two personalities of yourself at once. The old, analytical, serious, stoic me is just as present in me as the new me. It just feels so very strange. You can feel these two personas within, each with a mind of its own. I can only feel excited, free, and somewhat giddy at this new opportunity. I can see both sides of life so clearly, where before I could only see one. The passion, the emotion, the feeling-driven thoughts are like a breath of fresh air. Endless, passionate obsession and a feeling of hope and happiness are so very nice to feel. I can see why people live like this. However, it was nice also living without them, driven solely by logic and reason. Apathy and being emotionless made everything simple. It was such a blissful state, not having emotions interrupting and corrupting states of thought, impacting judgment. Indeed, I like both lifestyles equally. No emotion to overthrow thought and reason and the lovely feelings... In any case, I feel myself changing and living again. I have no idea whether or not this change is for the better, but I know I'm enjoying it so far. What prompted this change? Honestly, I think it has been in motion for the entire year as I opened up due to the seniors and the end of the hall. I personally think that their departure sped up the process, which was lucky, because it could have also lead to a complete relapse to my old ways, for which I am thankful it did not. I also personally feel that a certain girl (it's a new one!) is responsible for preventing that relapse and for that, among other reasons, (such as finally ending a 5 year obsession) I am thankful for meeting her. I only fear that the summer will wipe my memory of these changes or that another multi-year obsession starts.
All those things that made a great year... Oh drat... I just closed my eyes to remember and I think I'm getting emotional and teary. Holmes... Kitty... Fu.... Wu... Frosty... Jay... Nick... Tatsu... Jessy... Vuko... Alex... Mel... Even now, as I write down each name, I can vividly recall a memory of them doing something that exemplifies their personality, behavior, and interests. ...So much pain... So many tears in my heart...
Summer of '69 really captures the general feeling I have toward the end of the hall and somewhat junior year in general. The lyrics themselves, well, some of them do match what I feel, but most don't. The feeling is what really matters.(Note that the following are not the only lyrics. They're just the ones that are more relevant.)
"Me and some guys from school/Had a band and we tried real hard/Jimmy quit, Joey got married/Shoulda known/We'd never get far/Oh when I look back now/That summer seemed to last forever/And if I had a choice/Yea- I just wanna be there/Those were the best days of my life."
"Man, we were killing time/We were young and restless/We needed to unwind/I guess nothing can last forever-forever, no."
"And now the times are a changing/Look at everything that's come and gone....."
...I feel old. Refer to last line of previous paragraph.
The class of 07 was what defined my high school experience. Without them, I can honestly say I would have hated high school. I could go into how the seniors and the end of the hall were awesome, but I think I'll refrain from it. I will offer a short summary though; it was the one and only place where I have ever felt I belonged. I had never experienced such a feeling before and I doubt I shall ever feel it again, now that they are gone. The feeling of displacement, not feeling as if you fit in, the feeling that everyone around you didn't understand you, didn't have the same priorities as you was only washed away by the end of the hall.
May, especially, was a good month for me. It was the first good month for a looooonnngggggg time. I could, and still can, feel myself changing. With the seniors gone, someone must step in to fill their shoes, follow their footsteps, ect. Evidentially, since I'm pretty much the only and the oldest member around, I got the job. In my current state, I would make a poor successor, but the departure of the seniors seen to have catalyzed some sort of personality change in me. In my bid to become more interesting, I have unleashed one of my old personalities, the active, fun one, suppressed since the conclusion of 5th grade. I feel as if I live again. The change in perspective amazes me. The freshness of every thought and the emotions, the feelings, are indescribable. It is as if they are painting color back into my life, where before there were only shades of gray. It is a strange feeling indeed to feel two personalities of yourself at once. The old, analytical, serious, stoic me is just as present in me as the new me. It just feels so very strange. You can feel these two personas within, each with a mind of its own. I can only feel excited, free, and somewhat giddy at this new opportunity. I can see both sides of life so clearly, where before I could only see one. The passion, the emotion, the feeling-driven thoughts are like a breath of fresh air. Endless, passionate obsession and a feeling of hope and happiness are so very nice to feel. I can see why people live like this. However, it was nice also living without them, driven solely by logic and reason. Apathy and being emotionless made everything simple. It was such a blissful state, not having emotions interrupting and corrupting states of thought, impacting judgment. Indeed, I like both lifestyles equally. No emotion to overthrow thought and reason and the lovely feelings... In any case, I feel myself changing and living again. I have no idea whether or not this change is for the better, but I know I'm enjoying it so far. What prompted this change? Honestly, I think it has been in motion for the entire year as I opened up due to the seniors and the end of the hall. I personally think that their departure sped up the process, which was lucky, because it could have also lead to a complete relapse to my old ways, for which I am thankful it did not. I also personally feel that a certain girl (it's a new one!) is responsible for preventing that relapse and for that, among other reasons, (such as finally ending a 5 year obsession) I am thankful for meeting her. I only fear that the summer will wipe my memory of these changes or that another multi-year obsession starts.
All those things that made a great year... Oh drat... I just closed my eyes to remember and I think I'm getting emotional and teary. Holmes... Kitty... Fu.... Wu... Frosty... Jay... Nick... Tatsu... Jessy... Vuko... Alex... Mel... Even now, as I write down each name, I can vividly recall a memory of them doing something that exemplifies their personality, behavior, and interests. ...So much pain... So many tears in my heart...
Summer of '69 really captures the general feeling I have toward the end of the hall and somewhat junior year in general. The lyrics themselves, well, some of them do match what I feel, but most don't. The feeling is what really matters.(Note that the following are not the only lyrics. They're just the ones that are more relevant.)
"Me and some guys from school/Had a band and we tried real hard/Jimmy quit, Joey got married/Shoulda known/We'd never get far/Oh when I look back now/That summer seemed to last forever/And if I had a choice/Yea- I just wanna be there/Those were the best days of my life."
"Man, we were killing time/We were young and restless/We needed to unwind/I guess nothing can last forever-forever, no."
"And now the times are a changing/Look at everything that's come and gone....."
...I feel old. Refer to last line of previous paragraph.