In response to anxietycalls
Hi, I'm one of the moderators of this community. Sorry to hear that the news about you and your family not being able to attend your brother's wedding came up so close to their wedding date.
I was LDS for most of my life until a few years ago, so I understand their reasoning for the restriction, but I also sympathize with your feeling upset that you can't be at this big event in your brother's life. I did a bit of looking around and think that the wikipedia entry on LDS temples presents the best summation of the LDS position:
Requirements for entering LDS temples
To enter the temple "one needs to convert to the [LDS] faith, and then (after a year's membership) obtain a temple recommend to enter. The recommend is obtained from and signed by the member's bishop after passing a one-on-one worthiness interview, in which one's commitment to the gospel is reviewed...
To qualify for a temple recommend, one must faithfully affirm a series of questions examining what the church believes are the most important factors indicating one's spiritual worthiness. These questions seek to ensure that the interviewee has a basic belief in key church doctrines, and obeys the most significant church rules, such as the following:
- a belief in God the Father, Jesus as the Savior and redeemer of mankind, and the Holy Spirit;
- belief in the role of Jesus as the Savior;
- belief in the Restoration;
- support for the President of the Church and other general authorities and local church leaders;
- obedience to the "Law of Chastity" (strict celibacy outside of a marriage that is legally recognized by the local government, and that is both monogamous and heterosexual);
- refraining from the abuse of family members;
- no affiliation or agreement with polygamists or other people whom the church considers apostates;
- making a good faith effort to attend church meetings and obey other church rules;
- honesty in dealings with others;
- payment of tithing;
- following the church's interpretation of the Word of Wisdom;
- payment of child support (if applicable);
- keeping the solemn oaths one has previously made in the temple;
- wearing the temple garment "night and day"; and
- confession of all serious sins to Church leaders.
I think the important part in there is "worthiness." There is a strong drive in active LDS members to be worthy of many things: of having the Holy Ghost's guidance and blessings, of taking the sacrament each week, of entering the temple, and eventually of going to heaven. None of these things come automatically. They have to be worked for by obedience to lists like the one above. In this way, LDS members view entering the temple as a priviledge for those who have worked to meet the LDS church's standards of worthiness by their own personal evaluation and by their LDS leaders. Here's an article about Personal worthiness - MormonWiki.org. I especially think this article describes what many LDS members go through in feeling worthy themselves to enter the temple: Am I Worthy?, by Lori Gibbs
I feel for you and your family and the many families who have gone through this exact same situation. I know that your brother, his fiance, and the LDS church mean no hard feelings by not allowing you to be at your brother's temple marriage. But at the same time they feel that marriage is such a sacred act that it should be performed in the temple, and that the extreme sacredness of the temple means that only those worthy to enter it can attend.
I know this probably isn't much comfort to you or your parents, but your brother's wedding will probably be dampened for him as well by not having his family with him. Hopefully he can discuss with you in more detail his reasons for making this choice and his desire for your love and respect in it. And hopefully you'll have a kickin' reception party afterwards. :)