DREAMS DO COME TRUE
I have heard a lot of comments about congratulations. So this is the feeling of something you’ve ever dreamed of. I believe it now that special day really comes through special reasons. I realized now that God need to prepare me to a lot of trials and goodness for me to take this far. I need to know things that I never learned before and He doesn’t want me to fail down the bottom.
I cannot explain the mood I have today or probably the mood I have when I saw my name on that website. If there were words to describe how wonderful the dream come true would be, then that word is the perfect word in my sentence today.
I thought resigning that day would be a big risk. I just decided to follow my parent’s advice when they tell me to try it again and don’t give up. Honestly, when I look for a job last year I told them I need a rest but the reality is ‘I need to stop’.
Three takes is considered too much failure on my side. Nursing board exam November 2010 exams really took out everything from me, even the confidence that I have to my own self.
I always tell myself that “TOMORROW IS ALWAYS ANOTHER DAY”. It was always been effective even in my heavy days, hope of better days tomorrow or a day after tomorrow. It was effective until that last November 2010 exam. It took a lot of my hope, time and even my own soul.
I know mom doesn’t want me to work until I passed but I felt like an empty soul at that time and confidence is not even in my shadow. It’s like everything is a routine! A routine I cannot escape! Taking the exam, hoping and good days before the result, a not so pleasant result and even the scolding and argue with my parents after the result.
I felt like a bird on a cage wanting to fly but not allowed. So, I need to cut down the routine and work. I need an excuse of “REST” to hide the deeper feeling of “SADNESS” and my confidence is breaking down.
Working is fun when you have coins on your wallet and you can magic your money with ATM as they say. Working is fun when appreciation interludes not obligation.
I once watched this from a drama that “sadness” won’t disappear by “ignoring” them and it was bullshit when they say “time will heal the wounds”! Sure it will happen but only if you know how to face them. I literally avoided the hospital to hide the underlying ‘frustration’.
All the questions ‘why’ and ‘why not me’ still lingers, even a year after the exam. I guess my parents realized that and MOM said “why not take it again?”. It was easy for them to say that, I used an excuse of REST and I guess a year is not so bad to REST.
I thought about studying for the exam while working so that I can save my confidence even after the result. But I read in one article in the internet that “God will help you heal your broken heart but you have to give him every piece”
So I decided to give up my work and start again. Unknown of the possible outcome, unknown of the more heartbreak if light will not shine on me. Studying was hard as more students say but I say that waiting is heavier than the result itself.
After that July 2012 exam, I read a lot of questions and possible answers that lingers. My confidence is again breaking down until I saw the pamphlet mom gave me as a sign “DO NOT BE AFRAID, JUST HAVE FAITH”. After that to have a ‘true rest” I went home to VICTORIA LAGUNA and stayed there for a week. I realized a lot of things and went back with true faith and thankful for what I have.
Two days before the result itself, I saw a sign “HOLD FAST TO YOUR FAITH. BELIEVE IN GOODNESS. BELIEVE IN GOD”. I was afraid before that I’m unable to understand what God has been trying to tell me for the past years. I’m probably unable to hear him because of unjustified reasons.
Now seeing the result and having the dream that I have come true. I don’t have a word to say except thank you. Thank you Lord for not giving up when I DID GIVE UP! Thank you for not letting my dream be buried in the depth of sadness and thank you for giving me a blessed life that I have now.
Its true when they say that everything can be accomplished through God but HE HOLD THE RIGHT TIME.! My parents, my friends, my review center has already know how thankful I am. But this article is dedicated to my creator, my savior and my GOD JESUS CHRIST. Thank you is an understatement for me to use but my heart will forever remember this moment.
All the tears is worth waiting.
All the sweat that I did is worth it for this moment.
THANK YOU! THANK YOU! Xd Joie-C Roxanne Lawas RN!