We grow so tired
Gone are the days of New Year quizzes and angsty posts about school. I write to you from my living room as the sun prepares to have a nap on the Sunday before the New Year really starts for most.
I read this interesting article about marriage the other day. It was broken into several different bits and parts about what young people seem to expect and why they run for the hills in 6 months to a year because it isn't what they thought it would be like. Some of the things the writer jotted down were things I have felt. The waking up every morning to the same person and thinking, "is this all their is?" and the bullshit of that old wives tale.."never go to bed angry..."
However, some things made me shake my head as to why certain people think them in the first place. Now that I have many friends engaged and getting married, I realize some of them think marriage will be this wonderful, 24 hour, non stop fairy tale. And they will deny they think this; that is the best part.
I was out with a couple last night who have been married for almost 4 years. The way they spoke to each other, you could just tell they were married. It was rough and tiresome. They looked happy but tired.
I hear many people who are in long term relationships, married or not, turn back around to look at the past years and shake their heads as to why they ever left those years. I seem to go through periods of complete nostalgia which leads to much melancholy. I have always had a melancholic streak my entire life. From my first read of Hamlet I completely identified with him. I smile now as I remember how it was like to not be able to control my feelings years ago. It's been a long time since I have felt what it is like to be out of control.
Responsibility is a funny thing. You are overwhelmed if you have too much and people push and nag you when you seem to have too little. There are days where I feel the weight of the world is riding on my shoulders, much like Atlas. I feel as thought I might tip and the world will crush my chest. It really has been a long few years and I'm not really sure I know what happiness really is at this point in my life. That doesn't meant I'm not happy, it just means I'm not sure if I can pinpoint just what it is.
Nevertheless, Bonne Annee to you and yours.
x
I read this interesting article about marriage the other day. It was broken into several different bits and parts about what young people seem to expect and why they run for the hills in 6 months to a year because it isn't what they thought it would be like. Some of the things the writer jotted down were things I have felt. The waking up every morning to the same person and thinking, "is this all their is?" and the bullshit of that old wives tale.."never go to bed angry..."
However, some things made me shake my head as to why certain people think them in the first place. Now that I have many friends engaged and getting married, I realize some of them think marriage will be this wonderful, 24 hour, non stop fairy tale. And they will deny they think this; that is the best part.
I was out with a couple last night who have been married for almost 4 years. The way they spoke to each other, you could just tell they were married. It was rough and tiresome. They looked happy but tired.
I hear many people who are in long term relationships, married or not, turn back around to look at the past years and shake their heads as to why they ever left those years. I seem to go through periods of complete nostalgia which leads to much melancholy. I have always had a melancholic streak my entire life. From my first read of Hamlet I completely identified with him. I smile now as I remember how it was like to not be able to control my feelings years ago. It's been a long time since I have felt what it is like to be out of control.
Responsibility is a funny thing. You are overwhelmed if you have too much and people push and nag you when you seem to have too little. There are days where I feel the weight of the world is riding on my shoulders, much like Atlas. I feel as thought I might tip and the world will crush my chest. It really has been a long few years and I'm not really sure I know what happiness really is at this point in my life. That doesn't meant I'm not happy, it just means I'm not sure if I can pinpoint just what it is.
Nevertheless, Bonne Annee to you and yours.
x