(no subject)
you're perfect. words i've heard multiple times. i don't think i am... thats the obvious modesty in me. maybe i do have the perfect personality that people look for but when they realize that, they think its fake. lets be honest.. perfection does not exist. talk about a ramble.. i suppose that's because i haven't used this medium for anything serious in a very long time.
i feel completely detached from basically everyone i know. i am awkward around good friends. i push people who want to get close to me away. i am deeply afraid of being lonely, yet i don't trust anyone enough because the last 7 years have shown me nothing promising, be it my mistake or by someone else. i honestly wanted to be married at this point in my life. i am tremendously jaded. i believe in love and happiness completely i strive for it really, but it's sooo hard for me to really fall. i may go through the motions, mainly because it's all i want.. in the back of my mind though i do not trust the other person one bit. just when i really really start to though i get slammed out of left field.
in other news.. i want to move back to worcester really really bad. with the exception of grams, it's the only place i've ever felt at home. i love it out there with everything i have. i love the city. the hustle and bustle.. it's amazing. i love my jobs. my factory is great.. middle class work is all i've wanted. i never aspired to have a high profile job. i felt it would be more rewarding for me to actually earn things than live on a million dollar salary and buy things whenever i want. pluuusss working at hot topic is pretty rad in itself.
burn everything down.
i feel completely detached from basically everyone i know. i am awkward around good friends. i push people who want to get close to me away. i am deeply afraid of being lonely, yet i don't trust anyone enough because the last 7 years have shown me nothing promising, be it my mistake or by someone else. i honestly wanted to be married at this point in my life. i am tremendously jaded. i believe in love and happiness completely i strive for it really, but it's sooo hard for me to really fall. i may go through the motions, mainly because it's all i want.. in the back of my mind though i do not trust the other person one bit. just when i really really start to though i get slammed out of left field.
in other news.. i want to move back to worcester really really bad. with the exception of grams, it's the only place i've ever felt at home. i love it out there with everything i have. i love the city. the hustle and bustle.. it's amazing. i love my jobs. my factory is great.. middle class work is all i've wanted. i never aspired to have a high profile job. i felt it would be more rewarding for me to actually earn things than live on a million dollar salary and buy things whenever i want. pluuusss working at hot topic is pretty rad in itself.
burn everything down.