Last entry 92 weeks ago....
is how long it has been since I've posted on lj. I have posted random blogs on myspace, but for the most part they haven't been as much of a journal as this used to be for me. So I guess I should explain why I have decided to begin journaling again......
As I am a sadist and enjoy reminiscing about the past I, for Valentine's Day, decided to look up the journals that related to the time period from when I met, dated, and then left, Wesley Tucker so that I could be sad that I am single, again, on a stupid hallmark holiday. Of course, it did exactly what it was meant to and made me sad and depressed that I haven't really been interested in anyone seriously since him- sidebar: Do you ever want to just feel sad for no reason? I do occasionally- watch a depressing movie, read old journals, blah blah blah. There have been a bunch of reports on NPR relating to sadness lately and that sadness and melancholy aren't necessarily the evils they've been made out to be by the pharmaceutical companies. Kind of interesting...... Anyways.... I ended up looking at far more than just those entries, in fact, I spent probably an hour or two floating around the internet reading about my own life, much of which had completely faded from memory. It was fascinating to see how, in some ways, I have matured and grown, and in others I am still an 18yr old twinky twit. Much of that maturation and much of what I feel is who I am now is hidden within those old entries.... It's like I'm explaining to myself who, what, and why I am the way I am. I had forgotten how cathartic it is too type away the random details of a not-so-interesting life and get the thoughts swirling around inside my head out of it, tossing them haphazardly into the ether. I was also saddened by the fact that I have forgotten as much as I have about my own life. I have no record of my life since Wesley except for within my own mind, a mind that tends to forget where I put my keys down much less the minutae of my feelings and thoughts two weeks ago. I had, for a time, been considering posting journals on myspace in the blog area, but I think myspace is a bit too public of a forum for me to feel comfortable (or be honest about) discussing my feelings or mental state, which is an important part of what I found interesting in my old entries. There are too many random people I'm friends with on myspace and I just don't care for them to know the intimacies of my life. Besides, some of them are guys I think are cute and I wouldn't want them to realize what a complete psycho-stalker I am and how they are imaginary boyfriend #29887282. Livejournal seems as though it has been shoved off to the outskirts of the intranets by Facebook and Myspace, like an old shirt you used to love that is shoved to the back of your closet, and is less well-known by the majority of the people exploring the intranets and stalking people like I do. So I will try to journal again, I will attempt to record the ridiculous and inconsequential details of my life as often as I can possibly think to. Because in ten years I will regret all I've forgotten about the last year of my over-extended childhood.
So then I guess I should just throw out the basics right now:
I am 25. I turn 26 at the end of March.
I graduate from college in May with a degree in Political Science.
I am single.
I am gay.
I bartend and wait tables to support myself.
I have many good friends I don't see often enough, but they are my family.
I weigh 165 lbs.
I smoke still, but am down to a few cigs a day if I don't drink.
I plan to move to New York when I graduate.
I live in Riverside. But maybe not for much longer.
I am going to bed.
J.
As I am a sadist and enjoy reminiscing about the past I, for Valentine's Day, decided to look up the journals that related to the time period from when I met, dated, and then left, Wesley Tucker so that I could be sad that I am single, again, on a stupid hallmark holiday. Of course, it did exactly what it was meant to and made me sad and depressed that I haven't really been interested in anyone seriously since him- sidebar: Do you ever want to just feel sad for no reason? I do occasionally- watch a depressing movie, read old journals, blah blah blah. There have been a bunch of reports on NPR relating to sadness lately and that sadness and melancholy aren't necessarily the evils they've been made out to be by the pharmaceutical companies. Kind of interesting...... Anyways.... I ended up looking at far more than just those entries, in fact, I spent probably an hour or two floating around the internet reading about my own life, much of which had completely faded from memory. It was fascinating to see how, in some ways, I have matured and grown, and in others I am still an 18yr old twinky twit. Much of that maturation and much of what I feel is who I am now is hidden within those old entries.... It's like I'm explaining to myself who, what, and why I am the way I am. I had forgotten how cathartic it is too type away the random details of a not-so-interesting life and get the thoughts swirling around inside my head out of it, tossing them haphazardly into the ether. I was also saddened by the fact that I have forgotten as much as I have about my own life. I have no record of my life since Wesley except for within my own mind, a mind that tends to forget where I put my keys down much less the minutae of my feelings and thoughts two weeks ago. I had, for a time, been considering posting journals on myspace in the blog area, but I think myspace is a bit too public of a forum for me to feel comfortable (or be honest about) discussing my feelings or mental state, which is an important part of what I found interesting in my old entries. There are too many random people I'm friends with on myspace and I just don't care for them to know the intimacies of my life. Besides, some of them are guys I think are cute and I wouldn't want them to realize what a complete psycho-stalker I am and how they are imaginary boyfriend #29887282. Livejournal seems as though it has been shoved off to the outskirts of the intranets by Facebook and Myspace, like an old shirt you used to love that is shoved to the back of your closet, and is less well-known by the majority of the people exploring the intranets and stalking people like I do. So I will try to journal again, I will attempt to record the ridiculous and inconsequential details of my life as often as I can possibly think to. Because in ten years I will regret all I've forgotten about the last year of my over-extended childhood.
So then I guess I should just throw out the basics right now:
I am 25. I turn 26 at the end of March.
I graduate from college in May with a degree in Political Science.
I am single.
I am gay.
I bartend and wait tables to support myself.
I have many good friends I don't see often enough, but they are my family.
I weigh 165 lbs.
I smoke still, but am down to a few cigs a day if I don't drink.
I plan to move to New York when I graduate.
I live in Riverside. But maybe not for much longer.
I am going to bed.
J.