Right you are. So depressing was the obvious in statement that I couldn't draw myself to respond till just now. And, to proclaim, you're right, you're right, in the correct mindset. Other people make comments on my magnetism to disaster. I'm not sure what it's about. I feel like it could be a balance though. To get the best you need the worst thown in there somewhere, right? Or maybe there's a whole other way of being alive that I'll just never know, because I'm cursed, or crazy, or a magnet for shit storms and stray bullets. Coming here to read about my happiness may never happen, for I go to Livejournal when I have no one to talk to and am enduring emotions that embarass me. Oh, how embarassing, they see me.... feeling things.
I'll always welcome your commentary, whatever the case. Though I've known many and changed a great deal, there are still underlying personality traits/disorders that only few know, including you. So, I welcome you, always. If you need to tell me I'm being a bitch, or a fraud, a slut or a whiny baby, let it out.
I'm not getting laid. I don't have much control in those situations these days. Having an STD puts me right on par with average looking males, I feel.
You're right that you do need the bad to define the good. I want more good to come to you than bad, but I also want you to live and that requires some bad. I want nothing horrible to happen to you, and any bad that does happen to you to be something you can come away from stronger by some measure. But no one gets to choose their parcels of chance, so some bad shit is inevitable.
I was expressing my protective feelings for you with that statement. I know this is a place for you to primarily lay down the bad, and I don't have the illusion that your life is solely comprised of things I get to read about.
And I don't need to tell you those things. I don't read or comment because I expect to be an important figure in your life or some guiding friend to you. I want to be those things, but I don't expect them and if my thoughts never extend beyond commentary then I'm fine with that.
You left an indelible mark on me when we met and outside of my family, there are very, very few people who have done that. Maybe other people are more used to it, or more open to it. I know I don't let a lot of people in and to be honest, most people I meet I don't want to let in because they don't interest me or pull the right strings, I'm not sure exactly. For me it's obvious that caring about you has never felt like an effort, and the rarity of that for me makes it an undeniable gift I don't want to give up.
You know that saying, "A face only a mother could love".. You do not have a face to fit that saying. You are a pretty girl by any standard, but the only reason that saying works is because people can possess a depth of care that cannot be detered by things others dislike. In a way that is how I feel about you. You could become the biggest bitch or fraud, a horrible slut or the most undesirable person to almost anyone else in the world, and I do not think you are any of those things, but even if you were and I knew it, I would continue, unfazed, to care about you.
So depressing was the obvious in statement that I couldn't draw myself to respond till just now.
And, to proclaim, you're right, you're right, in the correct mindset.
Other people make comments on my magnetism to disaster. I'm not sure what it's about. I feel like it could be a balance though. To get the best you need the worst thown in there somewhere, right?
Or maybe there's a whole other way of being alive that I'll just never know, because I'm cursed, or crazy, or a magnet for shit storms and stray bullets.
Coming here to read about my happiness may never happen, for I go to Livejournal when I have no one to talk to and am enduring emotions that embarass me.
Oh, how embarassing,
they see me.... feeling things.
I'll always welcome your commentary, whatever the case. Though I've known many and changed a great deal, there are still underlying personality traits/disorders that only few know, including you. So, I welcome you, always. If you need to tell me I'm being a bitch, or a fraud, a slut or a whiny baby, let it out.
I'm not getting laid. I don't have much control in those situations these days. Having an STD puts me right on par with average looking males, I feel.
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You're right that you do need the bad to define the good. I want more good to come to you than bad, but I also want you to live and that requires some bad. I want nothing horrible to happen to you, and any bad that does happen to you to be something you can come away from stronger by some measure. But no one gets to choose their parcels of chance, so some bad shit is inevitable.
I was expressing my protective feelings for you with that statement. I know this is a place for you to primarily lay down the bad, and I don't have the illusion that your life is solely comprised of things I get to read about.
And I don't need to tell you those things. I don't read or comment because I expect to be an important figure in your life or some guiding friend to you. I want to be those things, but I don't expect them and if my thoughts never extend beyond commentary then I'm fine with that.
You left an indelible mark on me when we met and outside of my family, there are very, very few people who have done that. Maybe other people are more used to it, or more open to it. I know I don't let a lot of people in and to be honest, most people I meet I don't want to let in because they don't interest me or pull the right strings, I'm not sure exactly. For me it's obvious that caring about you has never felt like an effort, and the rarity of that for me makes it an undeniable gift I don't want to give up.
You know that saying, "A face only a mother could love".. You do not have a face to fit that saying. You are a pretty girl by any standard, but the only reason that saying works is because people can possess a depth of care that cannot be detered by things others dislike. In a way that is how I feel about you. You could become the biggest bitch or fraud, a horrible slut or the most undesirable person to almost anyone else in the world, and I do not think you are any of those things, but even if you were and I knew it, I would continue, unfazed, to care about you.
Reply
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