Jon's skeleton/apiffany comes out
ok guys, i just got off work lol. i had an apiffany (sp?). it was like right when i started working. i was already in a GREAT mood. just because i was in one of those moods where i saw a lot of beauty in the world. it was getting closer to sunset when i was getting to work. and in the middle of feb. with all the ugly trees lol. there was a tree already bloomed. WOW, it was beautiful. it was pink lol. hell ya.
so i'm driving, i thinkin of ellie lol. happens a lot. anywayz, so i decide i want her to be able to experience this beauty too. so i was like "when i get off work, whatever time that my be, i'll deboe some of the tree, write some shit, drop it by her door." this way when she wakes up she can see something beautiful and know someone cares about her. good way to start the day i say. so ya... blah blah blah
working.. blah blah blah
BAM! a mother.. fucking... apiffany.
little history. everyone has their skeletons, correct? i've just recently started to come to cope with the fact that i have/had an infedelidy problem. big time. my largest relationship was 3 months. and that was in middle school. when i didn't know how many women were out their. and how damn awesome it is to be able to experience so many of them.
so ya... i like ellie a lot. der. but i didn't wanna date her. i was like shit, i like her. i sure as hell don't want to hurt her. and i really love our relationship. i don't wanna fuck it up. i'm too immature. i like too many girls. god i love women. anywayz. so it'd been bothering me. first i wanted to tell her i have a problem with it, don't know why but i did. i guess i just like keeping shit open.
but then i realized, over the time we'd been hanging out. i've been having a lot more chances then usual with girls. and i've been avoiding it. A LOT. i even made myself an asshole to this girl lol. talk about fucked up, but still. i took my friends view and starting thinking of dead babies whenever i checked out a girl and started talking with her. pathetic.
but i realized. fuck that. i don't even want that. sure, in my mind these gris are perfect. truth? it'll probably be awhile... it'll start off great. then the real part comes in. the problems, which u face with anybody after awhile. (the moment when i start to lose interest)
i don't wanna go through that with any girl. hell no. i wanna go through that with ellie. i wanna try and make it with her. and who gives a shit if she doesn't feel the same way. she's in my life. and if she isn't any more? again, who gives a shit? i'm i still so... so blessed. that i even got to meet her. the time we had was great.
i wanna ask ellie to be my girl. i do. i can't do it on the phone, oh hell no. that's sad. i gotta do it in person. ok hold on i've gotta take a leak... i think it's the yagerbomb...
ok. um where was i? oh ya. gotta do it in person. 'so what are u going to do then jon? u get off work at 4am. u can't ditch work, that's irresponsible' now irresponsible IS my middle name... ok that was gay, i'm sorry i'm in a good mood. but no, i tell her as soon as possible... in person. so. i still get her the tree lol. but i sleep in my car in by her house.
that's right, i'm going to go sleep in my car tonight with a damn tree lol. because i'm so excited and anxious about everything... that i just want to hear the news.
so that leaves us at now. it's 4:30. i've gotta go find a knife, get some gas, deboe some tree, drive to ellie's place, get some sleep... and wake up to her, elliesamma eimèe coron.
wow that feels good to get all that out, u have nobody to talk to at 4 am. kinda sad, since it's a live journal. but oh well. hope u guys enjoyed the sneak peak of my skeleton, life, and apiffany.
so i'm driving, i thinkin of ellie lol. happens a lot. anywayz, so i decide i want her to be able to experience this beauty too. so i was like "when i get off work, whatever time that my be, i'll deboe some of the tree, write some shit, drop it by her door." this way when she wakes up she can see something beautiful and know someone cares about her. good way to start the day i say. so ya... blah blah blah
working.. blah blah blah
BAM! a mother.. fucking... apiffany.
little history. everyone has their skeletons, correct? i've just recently started to come to cope with the fact that i have/had an infedelidy problem. big time. my largest relationship was 3 months. and that was in middle school. when i didn't know how many women were out their. and how damn awesome it is to be able to experience so many of them.
so ya... i like ellie a lot. der. but i didn't wanna date her. i was like shit, i like her. i sure as hell don't want to hurt her. and i really love our relationship. i don't wanna fuck it up. i'm too immature. i like too many girls. god i love women. anywayz. so it'd been bothering me. first i wanted to tell her i have a problem with it, don't know why but i did. i guess i just like keeping shit open.
but then i realized, over the time we'd been hanging out. i've been having a lot more chances then usual with girls. and i've been avoiding it. A LOT. i even made myself an asshole to this girl lol. talk about fucked up, but still. i took my friends view and starting thinking of dead babies whenever i checked out a girl and started talking with her. pathetic.
but i realized. fuck that. i don't even want that. sure, in my mind these gris are perfect. truth? it'll probably be awhile... it'll start off great. then the real part comes in. the problems, which u face with anybody after awhile. (the moment when i start to lose interest)
i don't wanna go through that with any girl. hell no. i wanna go through that with ellie. i wanna try and make it with her. and who gives a shit if she doesn't feel the same way. she's in my life. and if she isn't any more? again, who gives a shit? i'm i still so... so blessed. that i even got to meet her. the time we had was great.
i wanna ask ellie to be my girl. i do. i can't do it on the phone, oh hell no. that's sad. i gotta do it in person. ok hold on i've gotta take a leak... i think it's the yagerbomb...
ok. um where was i? oh ya. gotta do it in person. 'so what are u going to do then jon? u get off work at 4am. u can't ditch work, that's irresponsible' now irresponsible IS my middle name... ok that was gay, i'm sorry i'm in a good mood. but no, i tell her as soon as possible... in person. so. i still get her the tree lol. but i sleep in my car in by her house.
that's right, i'm going to go sleep in my car tonight with a damn tree lol. because i'm so excited and anxious about everything... that i just want to hear the news.
so that leaves us at now. it's 4:30. i've gotta go find a knife, get some gas, deboe some tree, drive to ellie's place, get some sleep... and wake up to her, elliesamma eimèe coron.
wow that feels good to get all that out, u have nobody to talk to at 4 am. kinda sad, since it's a live journal. but oh well. hope u guys enjoyed the sneak peak of my skeleton, life, and apiffany.