Gee Kyle, maybe you shouldn't place the blame of all of America's woes on commercialism, but on the school system that apparently failed you. Let's go over the gross amount of grammatical errors that plague your entry much like Karl plagues this earth. First, it seems that you do not even respect our country enough to capitalize her name. Kudos. Furthermore, "There would be a giant stinking area of rot in frontal lobe" cannot be, in any academic realm, deemed a coherent sentence. This is due to the glaring absence of an article i.e. "the" before "frontal" and after "in." I am going to cover this next topic only once, although its presence can be felt throughout your entry. "Its" is considered (among the non-stupids) possessive in nature. Here's a little example for you: The dog licked its bone. Notice that the "its" helps relate whose bone the dog licked. Conversely, "it's" is a conjunction. This means that two words are combined for convenience’s sake using an apostrophe to substitute the removed letters. Here is another example: It's (it is) wet outside. Now, your determination to leave nations' names un-capitalized brings me to the subject of capitalization which is apparently erroneous throughout your "essay." It is well assumed that proper nouns such as "Best Buy", "French", "America", and "Dr. Pepper" should be capitalized, while improper nouns such as "soft drinks", "beverages", "refreshments", and "soda pop" should be left in their un-capitalized state. I will now address some specific blunders. The sentence "Even fucking Soda Pop, which is another matter entirely; I would rather hear even that onomatopoeia inspired antiquity than listening to some jackass calling everything that has carbonation a 'coke'" is an atrocity to all who speak the English language. To quote Stewart from Family Guy, "you don't so much speak the English language, as chew it up and spit it out." Your semicolon after "entirely" is entirely incorrect. "Even fucking Soda Pop (proper noun?), which is another matter entirely" can only be noted as an independent clause, being unable to stand alone. The second part of that run-on is, at the very most, a dependent clause. When conjoining a dependent clause and an independent clause only a comma is necessary. At this point, if I were a robot programmed to detect grammatical errors, I should have steam blowing out of my ears, my head would be spinning and I would die. But just before my circuits and central network exploded, one would hear "too much" ejaculate from my burning lips. Unfortunately for you, I am not such a robot. Ergo, I will continue. Now, prepare yourself for an advanced grammatical concept only wielded by those who have sought to form coherent, yet complex, sentences. This concept is known as parallel structure. Let's use your very own sentence to address this point. You say "...I would rather hear even that onomatopoeia inspired antiquity than listening to some jackass calling everything that has carbonation a 'coke.'" Now, the verb you originally use is "hear". However, the next verb you use is "listening." Apart from being considered a verb tense error, this is also considered a break of parallel structure. Written correctly, it would read "I would rather hear that onomatopoeia inspired antiquity than HEAR some jackass (clever by the way) call "coke" everything that has carbonation. You are correct, however, in stating that there is nothing wrong with being correct and accurate. In light of these mistakes, I hope that you do not attribute this conclusion to yourself. The last line is my favorite. The absence of a period to finish your "coherent" thought clearly dictates that you are, indeed, awesome.
P.S. In the future, since you obviously cannot write clearly on your own, use grammar check on Word.
P.S. In the future, since you obviously cannot write clearly on your own, use grammar check on Word.
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