My mind... released
I read all of Paulina's old journal entries, and was inspired to ramble about my true thoughts. This is a rare oppurtunity folks. Read it as fast as you can, because I'll probably delete it later, since I already vented my thoughts. Okay... here goes...
I've been wondering if, since noone understands me, my thoughts, or my life's goals, is it me that's truly flawed or insane, or is it everyone else's reluctance that we could all live better lives if we just gave in. I know that if everyone lived the way I want to live then the world would have a lot less complications. We wouldn't have to deal with etiquette, or cordiality. We'd just be ourselves. Fuck all the stereotypical "I'm a more productive member of society" bullshit. Life should be lived the way people want to live it. The problem with the way I want to live my life is that the life and society we're living in now would never allow it. That's why I want to start a revolution. To make life easier for everyone else, but do I really want to help everyone else, or just me? Am I truly selfish in my beliefs. Looking back, I never really give Paulina an option. I always just tell her "let go. I know you want to let go" but she never really DID tell me she wanted to. Is it me that's in the wrong? Is that I've been fighting for this entire time been all a stupid act in vain? Have I been struggling to achieve an illogical goal that can almost never be accomplished? Goddamnit, why do I think the way I do? Why couldn't I just be like everyone else? Why couldn't I be the walking, soulless facade of a perky smile, destined to work in a cubicle and be managed by the fat bald guy? Why? Why? Why? But, then again, I am just like the rest of them. I am not the person I advertise myself to be. I may seem to be a carefree individual, but am I truly? I've got a lot of shit on my mind, and most of it I don't know how to sort out. Too many complications. Maybe I'm an ingrate. Maybe I should just count my blessings and move on with life, and just accept all the stuff that I have now, but it's a bit hard when I'm really not happy/satisfied with what I have been "granted." Goddamnit... I have to go. I shall continue my rambling at a later time.
I've been wondering if, since noone understands me, my thoughts, or my life's goals, is it me that's truly flawed or insane, or is it everyone else's reluctance that we could all live better lives if we just gave in. I know that if everyone lived the way I want to live then the world would have a lot less complications. We wouldn't have to deal with etiquette, or cordiality. We'd just be ourselves. Fuck all the stereotypical "I'm a more productive member of society" bullshit. Life should be lived the way people want to live it. The problem with the way I want to live my life is that the life and society we're living in now would never allow it. That's why I want to start a revolution. To make life easier for everyone else, but do I really want to help everyone else, or just me? Am I truly selfish in my beliefs. Looking back, I never really give Paulina an option. I always just tell her "let go. I know you want to let go" but she never really DID tell me she wanted to. Is it me that's in the wrong? Is that I've been fighting for this entire time been all a stupid act in vain? Have I been struggling to achieve an illogical goal that can almost never be accomplished? Goddamnit, why do I think the way I do? Why couldn't I just be like everyone else? Why couldn't I be the walking, soulless facade of a perky smile, destined to work in a cubicle and be managed by the fat bald guy? Why? Why? Why? But, then again, I am just like the rest of them. I am not the person I advertise myself to be. I may seem to be a carefree individual, but am I truly? I've got a lot of shit on my mind, and most of it I don't know how to sort out. Too many complications. Maybe I'm an ingrate. Maybe I should just count my blessings and move on with life, and just accept all the stuff that I have now, but it's a bit hard when I'm really not happy/satisfied with what I have been "granted." Goddamnit... I have to go. I shall continue my rambling at a later time.