Three months, and I'm still standing here
So i went to Philadelphia last weekend for the American Idol auditions. I had a lot of fun with it. No, I didn't make it past the first round, but out of 20,000 people i didn't really expect to. Plus, i heard that they had elimination tables, where if you got sent to them, you automatically got cut, no matter what your talent. I mean, they had to have those tables, cuz there's no way they could seriously listen to 20,000 people sing. They'd let too many people through. Out of the 16 tables they had, i think about half of them were elimination tables. And i'm pretty sure that i got sent to one. Just because the judge looked completely bored while he was listening to everyone singing, and there was a guy in front of me who sang, who was absolutely phenominal. He should've gotten through...and i should've too :-p But yeah, getting up to go stand in line for five hours at 3am is always fun....
It was quite disheartening for me though...I went into the experience not expecting anything, and kind of knowing i'd be cut...but as i waited in line, and after i registered, i kept getting little visions in my head of me going down and singing, and making it through, and having the crowd cheer for me...and going on and making it to Hollywood...and possibly farther...so when all I got was a "Great job, but i'm going to have to pass on you guys today. Keep singing" my spirit was broken a bit. I shouldn't have gotten my hopes up like i did....But i was thinking to myself, "Maybe something will finally go right for me! Maybe I'll have this life changing experience, and after all the shit i've been through, this huge, big thing will happen to me! I'll have this whole new amazing life, and maybe then i'll finally be happy! Sam will see me make it so far on this show, and be like, 'Shit, i cheated on and screwed things up with this amazing, talented guy who is now on American Idol' "
but nope...after i got cut, i was back to the bad mood i had been in before i had gotten the definite "okay we'll go to the auditions" from my dad....oh well....
Maybe i'll try again next year...we'll see...
For spending four days alone with my dad...it actually wasn't that bad at all. We didn't get into any arguments, and i actually had a nice time with him...Perhaps it was because he wasn't telling me to do things every five minutes like he does at home. We actually talked about other things. It was refreshing. But of course, as soon as we got home, things are back to normal with him....
For someone who always tells people to be optimistic and to try and be happy, and to have hope... i'm a very cynical person.... I don't like that.
I haven't really sat down to play the piano in a while...I did yesterday at my Aunt's house...I really wish i knew how to play better.
I've been driving a lot lately, and i am damn good at it! haha. I am actually feeling confident about driving now. I still have a lot to improve on, and things to learn, but i feel comfortable behind the wheel now. And the sense of independence, and control, and power that i get from driving is great. :-)
Someone came back into my life today...and its probably the worse possible timing for them...just when my sense of trust in people has been broken...
Only one day of summer left...and i have to get up at 7:30am for that ridiculous thing for Dr. Gray :-( blahh
You know...honestly, i'm doing alright. I'm not doing great, i'm not super happy, but i'm not deeply depressed or hurting as much as i was before...I'm doing fine. I'm still living.
I'm moving on.
It was quite disheartening for me though...I went into the experience not expecting anything, and kind of knowing i'd be cut...but as i waited in line, and after i registered, i kept getting little visions in my head of me going down and singing, and making it through, and having the crowd cheer for me...and going on and making it to Hollywood...and possibly farther...so when all I got was a "Great job, but i'm going to have to pass on you guys today. Keep singing" my spirit was broken a bit. I shouldn't have gotten my hopes up like i did....But i was thinking to myself, "Maybe something will finally go right for me! Maybe I'll have this life changing experience, and after all the shit i've been through, this huge, big thing will happen to me! I'll have this whole new amazing life, and maybe then i'll finally be happy! Sam will see me make it so far on this show, and be like, 'Shit, i cheated on and screwed things up with this amazing, talented guy who is now on American Idol' "
but nope...after i got cut, i was back to the bad mood i had been in before i had gotten the definite "okay we'll go to the auditions" from my dad....oh well....
Maybe i'll try again next year...we'll see...
For spending four days alone with my dad...it actually wasn't that bad at all. We didn't get into any arguments, and i actually had a nice time with him...Perhaps it was because he wasn't telling me to do things every five minutes like he does at home. We actually talked about other things. It was refreshing. But of course, as soon as we got home, things are back to normal with him....
For someone who always tells people to be optimistic and to try and be happy, and to have hope... i'm a very cynical person.... I don't like that.
I haven't really sat down to play the piano in a while...I did yesterday at my Aunt's house...I really wish i knew how to play better.
I've been driving a lot lately, and i am damn good at it! haha. I am actually feeling confident about driving now. I still have a lot to improve on, and things to learn, but i feel comfortable behind the wheel now. And the sense of independence, and control, and power that i get from driving is great. :-)
Someone came back into my life today...and its probably the worse possible timing for them...just when my sense of trust in people has been broken...
Only one day of summer left...and i have to get up at 7:30am for that ridiculous thing for Dr. Gray :-( blahh
You know...honestly, i'm doing alright. I'm not doing great, i'm not super happy, but i'm not deeply depressed or hurting as much as i was before...I'm doing fine. I'm still living.
I'm moving on.