Tearing out the sutures
woah ok. I've gone through a bunch of weird phases. To be honest I think I was quite depressed for awhile. But I'm sick of crying for no reason, of my pity party, and frankly just of me. I'm just some pervert who thinks of ways to aid in my self-destruction. I'm kind of disgusted with myself but I think it's going to get better. Or at least I hope so.
I've kind been living as a hermit, but hermit no more. The think is I know I could use help getting back on track but I'm too damn proud to ask for it. It's sick. What kind of hope is that? But I've started exercising again which will mabye release endorphins. Endorphins are nice. Chocolate releases endorphins but I decided for myself that I shouldn't eat chocolate, or candy, or anything tasty really. It's strange because everything seems normal when my friends are around, but when they are gone ugly thoughts invade my head. Almost as if I'm afraid to be alone but I steer towards situations where that's a constant. I'm not crying out for attention and If I am then I find that disgusting as well. That would be the worst that could happen. People feeling sorry for me. I don't need pity, but I do need someone to pull me up. I can admit to it and I still can't reach out to anyone. Sad but life does not wait for anyone. Jeezus, I'm so self-centered.
I've kind been living as a hermit, but hermit no more. The think is I know I could use help getting back on track but I'm too damn proud to ask for it. It's sick. What kind of hope is that? But I've started exercising again which will mabye release endorphins. Endorphins are nice. Chocolate releases endorphins but I decided for myself that I shouldn't eat chocolate, or candy, or anything tasty really. It's strange because everything seems normal when my friends are around, but when they are gone ugly thoughts invade my head. Almost as if I'm afraid to be alone but I steer towards situations where that's a constant. I'm not crying out for attention and If I am then I find that disgusting as well. That would be the worst that could happen. People feeling sorry for me. I don't need pity, but I do need someone to pull me up. I can admit to it and I still can't reach out to anyone. Sad but life does not wait for anyone. Jeezus, I'm so self-centered.