How bizarre... I am weary... tired... but overjoyed.
This morning I woke up to snow falling. That was truly awesome. I went to church kind of just thinking about all of the times I had shoveled cars out from under the snow. Then was happy because I knew I wouldn't see a snowplow here. There was nothing more frustrating than to have one of those things just bury them again AS YOU ARE DIGGING THEM OUT. I remember seeing a shovel fly and hit one on one instance because my father had become angry and threw it at the snowplow. If you have ever seen "Grumpy Old Men" that's kind of how I believe my father would have been as he got closer to that age. And of course, snowballs were flying after the service. The first time I had been around a snowball fight in 6 years. It felt great.
The past two weeks have been great. I am finally figuring out, that promises will be broken, it doesn't matter where they come from. I cannot rely on myself always, I will fail. I will also get back up, and go on. I never have and will not wait on the government to save me from anything, because they cannot do it. Nor have they ever been able to. It's not even their responsibility. Or is it? Count me out, I will be responsible for what I do. It's my goal to be a homeowner within the next five months, if not sooner. Even on 32 hours a week if I have to, or even if I am somehow looking for another job. There is much more I can do. People believe there is much more for me to do. Things I am not even sure I can do. It seems like there is much more for everyone to do. I am praying about it all. Prayer is a big part of my life now.
My brother-in-law and I are slowly making amends. Yet since he won't be personal about anything he feels and tries to make me feel victimized to try and find out how I feel. I don't indulge that too much. As long as we don't talk about work it's okay. He is too fearful and hardly has any hope, and that is no longer acceptable to me. "Things got bad, and things got worse, I guess you know the tune, Oh Lord! Stuck in Lodi again..." He can't seem to get out of that mindset. He then had one of his buddies over to help work in his shop and try to bring me down. I told them both off and left the rest of that night. We've been getting along better since.
An opportunity has come along for me to be a part of a group that teaches children. I am really hesitant to do that though. Children are so easily influenced and I can get excited and go on a rant and do the wrong thing. Everyone says my calm and cheery disposition would be good for them, and that really kind of threw me in a loop. Calm? Cheery? Over the past two years, without even realizing it I have gone from someone who would sit in a corner depressed for hours a day, to someone who is determined to live. Free, always grinning, smiling, from ear to ear, free. Joyful because I have now been on both sides of the spectrum, and I am not going back to the other side. Children always have liked me, and for the most part I have always liked them. My mom babysat kids when I was growing up, and I did get jealous of them. I guess that was a natural thing to happen, I don't know.
Goodbye, System of a Down. While I still remember most of your music well, there are only a select few of your songs I will keep.
"I'm falling on my knees,
Offering all of me,
Jesus, you're all this heart
Is living for..."
The past two weeks have been great. I am finally figuring out, that promises will be broken, it doesn't matter where they come from. I cannot rely on myself always, I will fail. I will also get back up, and go on. I never have and will not wait on the government to save me from anything, because they cannot do it. Nor have they ever been able to. It's not even their responsibility. Or is it? Count me out, I will be responsible for what I do. It's my goal to be a homeowner within the next five months, if not sooner. Even on 32 hours a week if I have to, or even if I am somehow looking for another job. There is much more I can do. People believe there is much more for me to do. Things I am not even sure I can do. It seems like there is much more for everyone to do. I am praying about it all. Prayer is a big part of my life now.
My brother-in-law and I are slowly making amends. Yet since he won't be personal about anything he feels and tries to make me feel victimized to try and find out how I feel. I don't indulge that too much. As long as we don't talk about work it's okay. He is too fearful and hardly has any hope, and that is no longer acceptable to me. "Things got bad, and things got worse, I guess you know the tune, Oh Lord! Stuck in Lodi again..." He can't seem to get out of that mindset. He then had one of his buddies over to help work in his shop and try to bring me down. I told them both off and left the rest of that night. We've been getting along better since.
An opportunity has come along for me to be a part of a group that teaches children. I am really hesitant to do that though. Children are so easily influenced and I can get excited and go on a rant and do the wrong thing. Everyone says my calm and cheery disposition would be good for them, and that really kind of threw me in a loop. Calm? Cheery? Over the past two years, without even realizing it I have gone from someone who would sit in a corner depressed for hours a day, to someone who is determined to live. Free, always grinning, smiling, from ear to ear, free. Joyful because I have now been on both sides of the spectrum, and I am not going back to the other side. Children always have liked me, and for the most part I have always liked them. My mom babysat kids when I was growing up, and I did get jealous of them. I guess that was a natural thing to happen, I don't know.
Goodbye, System of a Down. While I still remember most of your music well, there are only a select few of your songs I will keep.
"I'm falling on my knees,
Offering all of me,
Jesus, you're all this heart
Is living for..."