(no subject)
Wowzers, what kind of kidnappers are you, anyway? I read books, you know, I know how this is supposed to work. I should be tied up in a closet somewhere, not walking around willy-nilly! Didn't you even post any guards? Gosh darn it, I could do a better kidnapping in my sleep!
That tears it! Mr. Kidnapper Leader Guy, it's obvious that you're running a shoddy operation here. Why don't you let me take over as your second-in-command person? I could do a super good job and whip this whole place into shape! If you put me in charge, I bet I could double the ransom you'd get for me- even triple it! My parents won't know what hit 'em!
So what do you say, bad guys? You have your people call my people, okay?