(no subject)
haven't updated in like 356834758345 years. umm yeah. goin to youth group in a bit, then eating chinese. shit man i'm putting back on the weight i lost =/ i suck. hmm. javi + meredith spent the night last night and we had some fun. i totally just remembered we don't have school on friday. schweet.
so we're kind of talking to each other again. but i'm so afraid of him wanting other girls, replacing me with other girls. what if it happens and SHE'S everything he wants, everything i fuckin wasn't? what if it happens? jgoiercfg blehh. i really really wish he could see what he saw in me again, cause i'm becoming more and more convinced that i know no one else i can be truly happy with. not faking it happy, not happy just cause i'm with someone- genuinely happy. smiling. in love. i was. i am. in love that is, maybe not happy but in love. and he seems to be brushing that off like it's nothing. can people really do that? wow. it's the 9th. damn. woulda been our 3 months one year ago and our 15th if things woulda worked out. wow i miss you jesse. i wonder if he ever misses me. y'know, watching a movie by himself on a sunday or something, knowing i could be there with him? or does he ever reach for his phone with the idea to call me, like i do, then remember he isn't suppose to call me anymore? or if he wonders what i think of him, or hopes he might be run into me somewhere. i doubt it, but i have to wonder if he wonders about me as much as i do about him. i wonder how he's doing, if he's happy. i really hope so. i'd fucking hate for him not to be, i don't want him to be unhappy, i just wish he could be happy with me, not by himself.
kyeahi'mgonnagonow.
♥ BECCAH
so we're kind of talking to each other again. but i'm so afraid of him wanting other girls, replacing me with other girls. what if it happens and SHE'S everything he wants, everything i fuckin wasn't? what if it happens? jgoiercfg blehh. i really really wish he could see what he saw in me again, cause i'm becoming more and more convinced that i know no one else i can be truly happy with. not faking it happy, not happy just cause i'm with someone- genuinely happy. smiling. in love. i was. i am. in love that is, maybe not happy but in love. and he seems to be brushing that off like it's nothing. can people really do that? wow. it's the 9th. damn. woulda been our 3 months one year ago and our 15th if things woulda worked out. wow i miss you jesse. i wonder if he ever misses me. y'know, watching a movie by himself on a sunday or something, knowing i could be there with him? or does he ever reach for his phone with the idea to call me, like i do, then remember he isn't suppose to call me anymore? or if he wonders what i think of him, or hopes he might be run into me somewhere. i doubt it, but i have to wonder if he wonders about me as much as i do about him. i wonder how he's doing, if he's happy. i really hope so. i'd fucking hate for him not to be, i don't want him to be unhappy, i just wish he could be happy with me, not by himself.
kyeahi'mgonnagonow.
♥ BECCAH