(no subject)
I dont really know what is wrong with me, but I am just in a depressed mood. Feel like nothing is going my way lately. This year has just really been tough. I know I say that every week, but it is the truth and everyday I feel it. I feel like from this point on my whole life and everything I know and was happy with has changed. College is a lot tougher than I thought, and not as fun. I am still in mourning of Misha's death. I know it has almost been 5 months since then, but honestly I still think about her everyday that goes by. Im not crazy, but sometimes I just find myself going and grabbing a picture of her off the shelf and just looking at her and talking to her. Telling her how much I miss her and love her and stuff. Basically just what is going on with my life. I know some of you are thinking to yourself "damn this girl is psycho".. but Im not I swear. Its justt hat Misha really was, and still is, my Best Frined. I know she is a dog, but it doesnt matter. A dog is the one thing that will never betray you. You can make many friends, but you usually have pety arguments and sometimes fight..but you see with a dog (esepecially one like Misha) that just doesnt happen. I gone through a lot of stuff in my life and she has been there through everything. If something was wrong with me and I was sad or something...I just came home and cuddled up against her. When she was younger in my bed, but as she got older..I used to lay in her bed lol. I miss her more than anything. So much stuff has happend since she died and I honestly feel like if she was here with me then things would be easier on me. Even though she couldnt talk back it didnt matter. We just had a connection. When I cried she cried. She comforted me in so many ways. A dog really is a mans best friend. and she was mine. Its a couple months and still when I come home I look in her bed (which is still there) and sometimes I feel like she will magically appear. I mean i know she wont, but it really just hasnt hit yet. I feel like she is on vacation and will be back. Sure I have other dogs to cuddle with, but they arent Misha. They are the family dogs. misha was MY DOG! I've had her since I was 4. When I was younger (about 8 yrs. old) my used to have to work late and I would stay home by myself with her. We would play hide and go seek, tag,and race each other. And I mean we would really play.....there is so much more I can say about her....
Also, my GG. omg do I miss her. I just wish I couldve said goodbye to her. Every time I hear that Evenesence it kills me. The verse where it says I held you hand through all these years. Cuz GG used to call us all over to her and talk to us and hold our hands for the whole hours of our conversations. Like she neevr wanted to let any of us go. and her hands were always so cold. She would say "Britini your hands are freezig" but they weerent mine, they were hers! I go in my sisters room and she has a framed picture of GG right next to her bed and a rosary bead. My GG loved the rosary and did that prayer all day and all night. It breaks my heart. In my head I wonder how my sister feels, and if she is doing ok, but I cant ask her. I went to the cemetary to visit GG on Easter. I really just told her Happy Easter though and left. I wasnt really able to stay and pray as much as I wanted because I was with all my cousins and siblings and we were in a rush to go somewhere. Maybe I will go there this weekend. Every ngiht since Misha and GG have died while Ia m doing my nightly prayers I take a few minutes and talk to them as well. Jon says that one day I wont have to do that anymore, that I will be over their deaths and accept it. maybe I will, but I dont want to forget. I dont want to be 30 years old married and with kids and froget that my GG ever existed. That scares me so much. I know that I wont forget, but what I guess Im saying is that I dont ever not want to think about her. I want to pray to her and I want to visit her. She means so much to me, and so does Mish. Actually, my GG loved Misha lol. :laughing as tears are dripping down my face: GG always said that Misha was an old lady just like her! and Misha was theonly dog that would never jump on GG. I think back onthe day of GG's funeral and I cant believe it. One day she was there, and the nextshe wasnt. It still iss o unreal. I miss her so much.
Why do things like this have to happen? When will I feel all better again? When will things change for me? When will I be the happy person I once was? Please God Please . . .
Im not this crazy person who is all depressed so nobody think that. I am just so sad and it was been months already and I still cant keep them off my mind. This year has truly been the roughest and toughest year of my life. I just want to live happy without crying at night and missing people.
Also, my GG. omg do I miss her. I just wish I couldve said goodbye to her. Every time I hear that Evenesence it kills me. The verse where it says I held you hand through all these years. Cuz GG used to call us all over to her and talk to us and hold our hands for the whole hours of our conversations. Like she neevr wanted to let any of us go. and her hands were always so cold. She would say "Britini your hands are freezig" but they weerent mine, they were hers! I go in my sisters room and she has a framed picture of GG right next to her bed and a rosary bead. My GG loved the rosary and did that prayer all day and all night. It breaks my heart. In my head I wonder how my sister feels, and if she is doing ok, but I cant ask her. I went to the cemetary to visit GG on Easter. I really just told her Happy Easter though and left. I wasnt really able to stay and pray as much as I wanted because I was with all my cousins and siblings and we were in a rush to go somewhere. Maybe I will go there this weekend. Every ngiht since Misha and GG have died while Ia m doing my nightly prayers I take a few minutes and talk to them as well. Jon says that one day I wont have to do that anymore, that I will be over their deaths and accept it. maybe I will, but I dont want to forget. I dont want to be 30 years old married and with kids and froget that my GG ever existed. That scares me so much. I know that I wont forget, but what I guess Im saying is that I dont ever not want to think about her. I want to pray to her and I want to visit her. She means so much to me, and so does Mish. Actually, my GG loved Misha lol. :laughing as tears are dripping down my face: GG always said that Misha was an old lady just like her! and Misha was theonly dog that would never jump on GG. I think back onthe day of GG's funeral and I cant believe it. One day she was there, and the nextshe wasnt. It still iss o unreal. I miss her so much.
Why do things like this have to happen? When will I feel all better again? When will things change for me? When will I be the happy person I once was? Please God Please . . .
Im not this crazy person who is all depressed so nobody think that. I am just so sad and it was been months already and I still cant keep them off my mind. This year has truly been the roughest and toughest year of my life. I just want to live happy without crying at night and missing people.