I am done.
You know what? I am done with it.
Erin can create all the drama her young heart desires. I am detatched form it. You'd have to see me to believe how serene I am about this whole issue. At this point, I feel like I am just sitting back, watching her make a fool of herself. And that is, unfortunately, what she's doing. It bothered me for a while, but I am done worrying about it and letting it cause me stress. I know Erin isn't doing any of this because she really wants to, she's dooing it because she feels her situation is unfair. I know she doesnt mean to hurt anyone, or cause drama, but she is. I can confidently say that I feel like she's not beig a very good friend to me or to Kyle. She is being selfish and unconscious of her actions. Erin is caught in the age-old tale of ethical behavior vs. inner desires. Erin focuses on titles and names. Black and white, good and bad. She wants what she wants, and she wants to -get- what she wants. But it's neither ethical, or possible.
I mean, Kyle isn't even attracted to her.
Erin doesn't understand a lot about this situation. First of all, I don't think she knows how close Kyle and I are. I don't think she gets that Kyle and I are, like, addicted to eachother. That we are concerned with a deep, lasting, commited and healthy relationship. And all of her high-school drama is aggravating, at least. Also, she's doing a poor job of being manipulative. (Don't ask me how I know that. heh.)She's setting herself up to be the bad guy, thus pushing what she wants further away from her, this being Kyle. She is getting useless advice from people because she's being honest in her actions, but not honest with her emotions. I am done choosing to see this situation as she wants me or anyone else to see it. I have seen it this way from the beginning, and I have a feeling I am right, although extremely biased.
I know her game, because I've played it.
She also doesn't understand that she is pushing her "friend" away with every mis-step.
Which I guess can be thrown out of the window in general, because I don't think she ever considered Kyle a friend from the start. I think she valued him as a person, but was more attracted to him as a boyfriend or someone to pursue as a boyfriend, than a friend.
You see, Erin was FORCED into a 'platonic' type relationship with Kyle, because Kyle straight up denied her even though she was attracted to him. That just threw Erin off her rocker, I believe. I don't think she could accept the fact that someone wouldn't pursue her, so she decided to persue him. (this is also the reason why a lot of boys and girls can't be -just- friends. If one is attracted to the other one, it makes everything complicated and there can be so much jealousy and underhandedness that it just breaks the friendship). Not that guys and girls can't have platonic friendships, they just have to be not attracted to eachother.
Then, when Kyle liked someone else, Erin had the perfect reason or scape goat as an explaination of her actions. She told him that I was terrible, and I would break his heart. Masking her jealousy by saying she cared for him as a friend. But if she really "cared" for him as a friend, then she would care about hurting his feelings, e.g.- telling him his girlfriend will eat his soul/talking behind his backI'm not saying she doesnt genuinely care for him, I'm saying she is acting upon it in a manner that isn't befitting of what she desires. She is using a medicine that won't cure what ills her.
She is acting immature, irrational, and almost out of character.
But I know Erin is a good person, and a close friend.
I have a very fond memory of Erin that comes to mind pretty often. It was her 17th Birthday last year, and I went to Turpin High school and brought her a bright and delicious cupcake, and a birthday crad that I of course personalized. I remember thinking that that's exactly what I would've done for a little sister. I've always wanted one. A little sister I could do loving things for, so I could show her compassion and understanding. To do fun things with and for.
I've always thought of Erin as a younger sister, and I think that's why I've already forgiven her for this mess. Not that it's her fault. I think we are all to blame for the misunderstanding that have gone on. I just forgive her for being the way she is. Which is, as of now, naive, confused, and manipulative. But these are all things that I think she will grow out of. Because these were all things I did when I was her age.
Erin is heading for a seastorm, and this is just the warning signs. I believe sooner or later she will soon feel like she has absolutely no understanding of the world at all. She may feel like she's lost herself. It seems that she feels as if she has everything figured out. But once she becomes unhappy or is shown that she is wrong, she will feel like if she didn;t know what was previously right, then she has no idea of what is right. I think this, because thats what I went through.
I had to be broken in order to learn that I knew nothing.
And I am still trying to make reparations, whenever I fuck up I have to tell myself that I am still learning how to do life. And I have a feeling my reality will again shatter once college is over. A new plain of existence awaits, you have to learn how to do it.
This is what Erin is learning.
And that is why I understand and forgive her.
I am no longer jealous, since there's nothing to be jealous of. I am no longer angry that she admires me. Instead I want to share myself and my interests with her, instead of try to keep them from her. I want to treat this situation with tenderness and love, so she can see how it's done, because I'm sure she will one day be in my place again. And hopefully, when this situation happens to her, I can give her more advice from experience, I can look back and realize what wrongs I have committed, and help her to steer clear. Heaven knows I would love some experienced advice in this mess.
Erin, I love you. I know this because you can do nothing against me that would make you any less to me.
Yeah, I think it's all settled.
-Cece
Erin can create all the drama her young heart desires. I am detatched form it. You'd have to see me to believe how serene I am about this whole issue. At this point, I feel like I am just sitting back, watching her make a fool of herself. And that is, unfortunately, what she's doing. It bothered me for a while, but I am done worrying about it and letting it cause me stress. I know Erin isn't doing any of this because she really wants to, she's dooing it because she feels her situation is unfair. I know she doesnt mean to hurt anyone, or cause drama, but she is. I can confidently say that I feel like she's not beig a very good friend to me or to Kyle. She is being selfish and unconscious of her actions. Erin is caught in the age-old tale of ethical behavior vs. inner desires. Erin focuses on titles and names. Black and white, good and bad. She wants what she wants, and she wants to -get- what she wants. But it's neither ethical, or possible.
I mean, Kyle isn't even attracted to her.
Erin doesn't understand a lot about this situation. First of all, I don't think she knows how close Kyle and I are. I don't think she gets that Kyle and I are, like, addicted to eachother. That we are concerned with a deep, lasting, commited and healthy relationship. And all of her high-school drama is aggravating, at least. Also, she's doing a poor job of being manipulative. (Don't ask me how I know that. heh.)She's setting herself up to be the bad guy, thus pushing what she wants further away from her, this being Kyle. She is getting useless advice from people because she's being honest in her actions, but not honest with her emotions. I am done choosing to see this situation as she wants me or anyone else to see it. I have seen it this way from the beginning, and I have a feeling I am right, although extremely biased.
I know her game, because I've played it.
She also doesn't understand that she is pushing her "friend" away with every mis-step.
Which I guess can be thrown out of the window in general, because I don't think she ever considered Kyle a friend from the start. I think she valued him as a person, but was more attracted to him as a boyfriend or someone to pursue as a boyfriend, than a friend.
You see, Erin was FORCED into a 'platonic' type relationship with Kyle, because Kyle straight up denied her even though she was attracted to him. That just threw Erin off her rocker, I believe. I don't think she could accept the fact that someone wouldn't pursue her, so she decided to persue him. (this is also the reason why a lot of boys and girls can't be -just- friends. If one is attracted to the other one, it makes everything complicated and there can be so much jealousy and underhandedness that it just breaks the friendship). Not that guys and girls can't have platonic friendships, they just have to be not attracted to eachother.
Then, when Kyle liked someone else, Erin had the perfect reason or scape goat as an explaination of her actions. She told him that I was terrible, and I would break his heart. Masking her jealousy by saying she cared for him as a friend. But if she really "cared" for him as a friend, then she would care about hurting his feelings, e.g.- telling him his girlfriend will eat his soul/talking behind his backI'm not saying she doesnt genuinely care for him, I'm saying she is acting upon it in a manner that isn't befitting of what she desires. She is using a medicine that won't cure what ills her.
She is acting immature, irrational, and almost out of character.
But I know Erin is a good person, and a close friend.
I have a very fond memory of Erin that comes to mind pretty often. It was her 17th Birthday last year, and I went to Turpin High school and brought her a bright and delicious cupcake, and a birthday crad that I of course personalized. I remember thinking that that's exactly what I would've done for a little sister. I've always wanted one. A little sister I could do loving things for, so I could show her compassion and understanding. To do fun things with and for.
I've always thought of Erin as a younger sister, and I think that's why I've already forgiven her for this mess. Not that it's her fault. I think we are all to blame for the misunderstanding that have gone on. I just forgive her for being the way she is. Which is, as of now, naive, confused, and manipulative. But these are all things that I think she will grow out of. Because these were all things I did when I was her age.
Erin is heading for a seastorm, and this is just the warning signs. I believe sooner or later she will soon feel like she has absolutely no understanding of the world at all. She may feel like she's lost herself. It seems that she feels as if she has everything figured out. But once she becomes unhappy or is shown that she is wrong, she will feel like if she didn;t know what was previously right, then she has no idea of what is right. I think this, because thats what I went through.
I had to be broken in order to learn that I knew nothing.
And I am still trying to make reparations, whenever I fuck up I have to tell myself that I am still learning how to do life. And I have a feeling my reality will again shatter once college is over. A new plain of existence awaits, you have to learn how to do it.
This is what Erin is learning.
And that is why I understand and forgive her.
I am no longer jealous, since there's nothing to be jealous of. I am no longer angry that she admires me. Instead I want to share myself and my interests with her, instead of try to keep them from her. I want to treat this situation with tenderness and love, so she can see how it's done, because I'm sure she will one day be in my place again. And hopefully, when this situation happens to her, I can give her more advice from experience, I can look back and realize what wrongs I have committed, and help her to steer clear. Heaven knows I would love some experienced advice in this mess.
Erin, I love you. I know this because you can do nothing against me that would make you any less to me.
Yeah, I think it's all settled.
-Cece