goodbye goodbye goodbye
whenever i eat at the cambridge grill in the student center, i always steal coca-cola and feel terrible about it as i'm eating. i have a nearly infinite amount of techcash, yet when i want coke i siphon it off and clench, wondering if the people working there saw me. i also like having coke in those clear plastic water cups instead of the mammoth cups they give out normally. it feels like i'm drinking soda on an airplane, except with bad greasy food. i don't know what is worse, bad food or no food. i guess i still think of the time i stole coke from jason's deli with my dad and he got quite angry. i have been this person for so long, will i ever change? i am the portuguese man-of-war, trailing my past selves reluctantly behind me, strung out in the current. i am trying to sail but this tangle keeps me passively drifting with the swells. the worst part is that i endlessly oscillate between the feelings of wanting to chop them off permanently and, alternatively, wrapping myself in this swarm, stung by the chemistry of painful memories but embraced by the times that i had been happier than i am now.