(no subject)
so today i am feeling a lil better.. not much really goin on todya was a HELL day at work.. the guy mmmm(long story just know hes a bad guy) is suspose to stay away from me and is not aloud to come into caseys ever again.. well he came in he ordered a pizza.. when i saw him i frooze i couldnt move and he looked at me and smiled.. and i just started balling i cried for about 10 mins.. i am afraid of him.
also today i decided that i am prolly never goin be happy ever again.. thanks to chris i have no trust in other men(and maybe this guy has a lil to do with it now too prolly alot more than a lil)
i was thinking today about chris and i first kiss and how i had to teach him how to kiss(lol he was a really bad kisser inthe beginning) about the first time we held hands the things we used to do. and the special moments.. and all the cute faces i could do to make him give me just whatever i wanted.. and the cute names we had for eachother how when i would pretend i was asleep and he brush my hair and kiss me....i miss him alot.. i really do and i want him tobe happy.. i know i wont be as happy with anyone else as i was with him. i want him in my life.. i want us to be friends.. sometimes now adays i get in these moods where i take everything out on him and i know i shouldnt i know that i should like calm down before getting on the computer when i am mad.. i dont wanna take it out on him just i take it out on the person i love and i only love him.. dont love anyone else ijust hope he knows that 95% of the time its just me being in a pissy mood i dont mean 35% of the stuff i do say.. those numbers dont ame since well everything isay is something that i think about at least once..
anyways other than that whole nutty ball stuff today was a good day.. it rained and i looked up and let it hit my face and i felt peace.. well i felt peace with myself.. i need to love myself i dont know how i am goin do that
also today i decided that i am prolly never goin be happy ever again.. thanks to chris i have no trust in other men(and maybe this guy has a lil to do with it now too prolly alot more than a lil)
i was thinking today about chris and i first kiss and how i had to teach him how to kiss(lol he was a really bad kisser inthe beginning) about the first time we held hands the things we used to do. and the special moments.. and all the cute faces i could do to make him give me just whatever i wanted.. and the cute names we had for eachother how when i would pretend i was asleep and he brush my hair and kiss me....i miss him alot.. i really do and i want him tobe happy.. i know i wont be as happy with anyone else as i was with him. i want him in my life.. i want us to be friends.. sometimes now adays i get in these moods where i take everything out on him and i know i shouldnt i know that i should like calm down before getting on the computer when i am mad.. i dont wanna take it out on him just i take it out on the person i love and i only love him.. dont love anyone else ijust hope he knows that 95% of the time its just me being in a pissy mood i dont mean 35% of the stuff i do say.. those numbers dont ame since well everything isay is something that i think about at least once..
anyways other than that whole nutty ball stuff today was a good day.. it rained and i looked up and let it hit my face and i felt peace.. well i felt peace with myself.. i need to love myself i dont know how i am goin do that